Does it appear to any of you that, in conversation you cannot have a ready made answer. That's as if to say you expect what is going to be said, and then comes your response. This (conversing), I find, really shows who you are and what you present yourself to be. These are two different things. Though in a genuine human being, a certain carelessness is accompanied with an immense amount of thoughtfulness. I have long struggled with stringing together genuine, spontaneous interactions and it stifles me when it does go well because of the simplicity of it. The times when it's "awkward" are generally due to over thinking, anxiety, attempting to use prepared sayings, etc. Anyone else had thoughts on this? I've overcome a lot and wish to go further, just wanting to shed light here if anyone's got insight. To most I bet it comes natural, though in my household talking was only ever of money, work, school, sports and lacked real emotion.
Hmm. I can't stay I have everything I could answer figured out. I do think about the things and how I would say with certain questions that have been asked, but at times it never really comes out the way I have thought and that might be the way the other person has asked a particular question. I don't know. I can't say. I know that my interaction with the person that is asking the question will
Maybe I should explain that I was diagnosed as mildly autistic, terribly shy, I didn't speak to strangers including classmates all year, until about 2nd grade. Most of my conversations are awkward, as I have no idea what's going on, I'll try to follow and mimic their behavoir, but still have a lot of trouble leading a conversation, even today. But I agree that over thinking can make things off tune. Lately I have been putting more effort into just going with the flow instead of having a correct and pleasing answer/response.
I get so caught up in future situations at times I think "what would I say if he/she said this..." which ultimately only results in expectations of yourself when the interaction happens. And then, like you said it just doesn't come out he way you would have liked it to. Ya, at an early age I tended to latch onto people I was comfortable with. Never diagnosed anything but I'm sure doctors would have said this kids not normal lol. I too find myself having trouble "leading" a conversation. Like when I talk to black guys or gangster talking people I'll change my speech to accommodate more slang and shit. I typically try and be too pleasing and submissive towards the other person. It's a serious issue with shy people that ought to be dealt with early. There's a lot of other factors to take into consideration as well.
I just find relating to others to be hard these days. People are so strange in this strange society. I feel like an alien sometimes. And who's to say I'm not? Lol
I have no problems whatsoever be involved in a conversation, however when I am I feel that I am not accurately expressing myself. I can goof off or fuck around with the best of them, but I feel like nobody ever sees me through the charade. I think that I am afraid people will not like what they see if I open myself up. But as I get to know people closer, I realize that they aren't worth trying to impress anyways, and it becomes easier for me to say things I really think about. But I think nobody takes them seriously.
Thinking of ready-made answers mid-conversation will tie your imagination in knots so that it cannot flow freely and easily - it would be better, I think, to concentrate all of your nervous energy entirely on remaining ''above'' your anxieties, so to speak, and not on what you're going to say next, that way, when it's your turn to respond, you'll do so spontaneously, and the words will seem to come out almost on their own. .
What else I've noticed is the timing at which you choose to speak dictates the...energy or meaning behind the message per se. I had tendency to rush out what I had to say, now I make sure I've got a full breath (k maybe not FULL lol) and let out whatever it is that feels right. I'm a good listener so I tended to put an emphasis on understanding what they're saying, what they wanted me to think/react, basically a lot of judgement. It's about focusing on the right path and maintaining it throughout all situations.
The more effort I put in to making things happen my way, the more they don't. I've grown cynical about a lot and usually regret as wasted effort any artificial ploys I come up with to make a point. Fuck the point! I seem to spend most of my non-internet conversation time listening to stuff people want me to believe or admire about them and trying to act like I give a fuck. Then when somebody actually does want to converse rather than impress him/her-self with the sound of his/her own voice, I usually don't even care enough about it to bother. That's when I have to go to the bathroom or whatever pathetic excuse I come up with. Communicating via internet is different. I can listen to people (or not) without having any pressure to provide a positive response. I also seem to hit the Like button more on forums than in real life. I guess I have social issues.
Dude..i know what you're saying...and I am soo thankful my dad chose to come to Canada... and not that country just below us. Really though, as much as there may seem to be the same rhetoric, there's always avenues for you to expand your self expression, or find ways to maintain positivity in this out of wack society. Just gotta keep on maintainin them good vibes, be so strong others do not trump you...yea I gotta take my own advice haha.
My problem is that I feel extremely uncomfortable with saying no to people, or making them feel like things they say or do are awkward or stupid or something. So I just pretty much go along with everything, all the time. I act like everything people say makes sense and is legitimate. I just kinda stay in this one lighthearted-friendly-jokey-agreeable mode with people. And I just really hope people don't ask me to do things I don't want to do, lol, cuz I honestly have no idea how to say no. The idea of saying no when I don't have an actual reason I can't makes me so uncomfortable. Like, I know you need help from someone and will be in a shitty situation if noone does, but I just don't fuckin want to. lol. I can't even picture it.This is something in myself I've been highly aware of recently. I mean, it kind of makes me nice and polite and all that. And 'niceness' has always been a significant part of how I've defined myself. But recently I've really become aware that it's a weakness. I mean, it is niceness too, so it's not all bad. But it is in large part rooted in a weakness, and is something I need to work on. Being able to really disagree with people, not always tread lightly, be able to say no. Seemed on the general theme of discussion, lol.
Very true (is that even a legitimate thing to say? Lol). I think it plays a part in "being the leader" in conversation. I don't think you can or should be over anyone in any interaction, but it inadvertently plays out that way. I've always had a good filter for stuff like saying no though, or being taken advantage of...it's about knowing what you want to do and seeing if your intuition agrees or not. I do a lot of thinking about conversations in hindsight (used to A LOT, like unhealthily) and at the very least you can rethink what you actually would have wanted to say, do, or propose. You got passive, aggressive, and assertive people...guess which is best lol. Niceness isn't all that bad so long as you're assertive..