Hey guys, I have a strange problem ! I just started university, before i came here I joined a couple of groups on Facebook to get to know some people from the courses, accommodations, etc. One day this guy adds me on Facebook, he is doing the same course as me and we got on pretty well, spoke for a while, got to know each other, exchanged numbers. Once we got to university we met in one of the lectures and then went back to my accommodation. Things got a little heated and we had sex, we met a few times after that mostly to have sex or help each with work. Things were okay for a while and even though we didn't put any labels on the relationship status, we both knew we were just fuck buddies. This is not exactly what I want though and I'm not really fine with us just being fuck buddies, but he said he doesn't want a relationship while he is at university. I don't really know what's going on, because we talk almost everyday and he stays the night, we chill, talk and cuddle after sex. Fuck buddies is meant to be something to not get emotionally attached, but I feel like it's hard to do that if you do the things we do. I really don't know what to do, because I'm starting to develop feelings for him and as i mentioned before he doesn't want a relationship. What to do? Do i somehow convince him or make him fall for me? If so how? Or do i just stop seeing him? (Taking into account that it would be hard as we do the same course and see each other almost everyday) Please give any suggestions and if you have further questions, don't hesitate to ask. Thanks xx
Role playing worked for me. She agreed to vaginal sex as a 'fuck buddy'. It was me who wanted to move the relationship up a level. I suggested 'reverse roleplaying' She would be the confused young man who had faced rejections and believed he had to pay for sex. I would role play the experienced prostitute that would fulfill all his youthful sex fantasies and add some he may not have had. I opened with: My love cave is so wet a cruise ship could go in there. She was so taken aback, she could not respond. That led to a deeper, more meaningful conversation on sex, love and relationships. If he refuses to grow up, you should feel confident in walking away. The right guy is there at your college. Look for him. Sent from my iPad using Grasscity Forum
Accept that you two are young and that he does not want the same thing you do. Talk to him one last time before you decide to continue or end it. But if it isn't going how you want it and you are unhappy, and discussing it brings no resolution; then I know what I would do, leave. But only after I was certain it was the right choice by communicating.
Just last night, my fuck buddy of four months finagled an 'I love you' out of me haha I wasn't going to strait out say it, because I thought that pressure would scare her and I would lose her all together. Just because she's been super weird about relationship talks lately. Turns out she was to scared to say it for the same reason I'm not saying it's the same in your situation, but it's definitely possibly for you two to get together just be careful though, he may not fall for girls as easily as others. But I hope it works out Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Hang out less often to avoid the feelings. You also gave it up easy so he prob doesn't see you as gf material.
You need to talk to him about this. Be completely honest. Find out where you stand before this goes too far. You're going to end up getting hurt. Honesty is always the best policy. Your attachment to him will grow and with it your frustration. This will only get ugly in the long run. Do yourself and him a favor. Talk to him.
I have fuck buddies for a reason. I like to do that with multiple women, and they are aware of that. They are like friends that have sex with you. Sounds like he wants a good friend he can have sex with, but doesn't want to be in a relationship. Sent from my iPad using Grasscity Forum
If he wanted an exclusive relationship he would jump at the chance whenever you started hinting. But he's not interested. Maybe he's not that into you or maybe he wants to have lots of lovers for his college experience. Either way it's best to look for other prospects and find someone who appreciates you the way you deserve.
Ever notice how no matter how much humans justify usery of other humans body parts it always leads to feelings? As if evolution intended us to move beyond primordial breeding into something more advanced. Not judging, merely observing that nothing that is defined as a human relationship ever seems to work for humans for very long. If you are confused about feelings you feel even though you agreed not to feel those things, then you are simply wearing a mask that does not fit. Take it off and define yourself. Every day you write your own story. Make it one youre proud of. ~ poke
this is the story of my life. if this was me i would probably want you to tell him me you feel. be a laid back girl. don't give a fuck about what he does. chill with him, smoke with him, lay with him in bed all day and then maybe after a few weeks i would ask him if its going anywhere. and i would maybe get another guy to flirt with and if he gets jealous then he's probably into you.
Thank you for the advice and replies ! Really appreciate all the comments. I think I will go with the flow for a little while maybe he'll start liking me, maybe not. If I start feeling worse about it I will just end it, but it's hard as I will still have to see him everyday ! Not a wise move to be with someone who you have to see everyday if things don't work out.
if it don't work out just be like we can still fugh just time to time. just lonely booty calls. and it won't be awk just tell him you guys can be friends or smoke buddies
You say you are not fine with being fuck buddies, so I would first of all stop fucking him right now. You're only hurting yourself emotionally if you continue, and you will make him feel like an asshole when he finds out that his "casual hookup" is sad. For future reference, you don't cuddle and chill and let him stay the night, that is a no-no when it comes to maintaining a good fuck buddy relationship. If you truly want to keep it just sex and nothing more, you have to draw those boundaries as a woman, otherwise you end up with the situation you find yourself in now, you care about him. He fucked his way into your heart lol Now you have to either walk away from this all together or you confront the elephant in the room and just tell him how you feel. Be prepared that he might not feel the same way, considering he came into this thinking it was just casual sex. If he doesn't feel the same way, don't be mad at him or blame him, he didn't screw you over. If he does reciprocate and want a relationship, then awesome, you go from there. Having a fuck buddy is hard, the only way I have ever found that it works for me is if I kept it strictly business. I don't want to hear about their day, know about their family, or ever meet their friends. When its done they leave, and I shouldn't have to ask them. No calling to chat or casual hanging out, its not personal its just sex. Its hard to do as a woman though, I obviously didn't do it for very long lol
she wants to make it personal, thats the last thing I want to hear, but Ive been known to get attached to a few of my fuck buddies its bound to happen. theres easy ways to get guys to get attached if your really what they want.
I think I'm a bit lost and confused about what I want in this situation.. Yes, I've never had a fuck buddy before so maybe I just don't know how to deal with the situation. The sex is great, but I am getting attached and what confuses me is that if he just wanted a fuck buddy why stay over the night, cuddle, kiss, have long chats, act like he cares, etc. Yet when we spoken he said he doesn't want a relationship while being at university. I think he's confused himself as well and maybe he's starting to fall for it as well, but he just doesn't want to admit it. Hence, I'm just going to see how it goes?!
Well a relationship will only happen if the guy is into it too, its not like you can "trick" him into it lol The bottom line is he is already getting sex, and he clearly said he didn't want a relationship while he was in University pretty much right from the get-go, so from where I am standing it sounds like it is going to take a pretty special connection to suddenly change his mind on that. So I guess the question is, does she feel like that connection is there and he could reciprocate, and if he can't is she capable of really just being a fuck buddy? I know If it were me I would probably keep it up for another few shows if anything because sex is always fun to have, but after he left I'd feel pretty terrible and realize that the sex isn't worth feeling this shitty about myself and then just end up severing ties with him in the end. I hope it works out for her, but usually in my experience it is the guy that makes the first "move" towards a relationship and it is usually pretty early on in the arrangement. Usually when it is going on for more then 2 months and no moves have been made, you can pretty safely assume that the guy is truly into just a casual relationship.
I don't know how experienced this guy is, so you could be right and he could just not know how to make that move forward, but usually inexperienced guys are super inexperienced when it comes to casual sex lol I would say it sort of sounds like right now, he is having his cake and eating it too. He is getting sex, awesome, he gets to spend time with a girl he likes on his terms, even better, plus he doesn't have to feel obligated to do relationship type things or be committed, jackpot. I would say worry about yourself #1, and what makes you happy. If this arrangement truly makes you happy, then keep doing it. But if you start to feel sad when he leaves or start to feel sort of used, you need to cut it off.