Okay so I'm going to to start this off with some background info. Over the summer my friend Chris and I met this girl Sarah at a party. After hitting it off with Sarah playing beer pong, we went off to the side at the party and made out a little bit but thats all that happened. Chris and I both got her and her friends numbers before leaving the party that night. Over the summer I didn't reach out to Sarah very much however my friend did and was snap chatting and texting her often. Now we are all attending the same college and are part of the same group of friends. Chris and Sarah hit it off this year and have been "talking" but not in a real relationship. I unfortunately realized I have feelings for Sarah as well. Which is awkward in and of itself. I became a little envious of Chris because although he has Sarah he seems to not appreciate her. He even said to me "It's nice Sarah likes me and all but I would never date her." This weekend Chris went back to our hometown. Sarah, a couple of her friends, and I decided to go out and party (nothing out of the usual). When we got to the party we were all having a good time drinking, dancing, ect. A lot of the time at the party Sarah and I were grinding on each other rather passionately. Later on at the party Sarah ended up getting sick and took care of her the entire time (her friends even complimented me by how sweet I was being). Then when Sarah was at the point where she could leave I took her back to the bus (which went back to her dorm). Upon returning I took care of her more. Then her friends also returned to the dorm (they were staying over). Sarah then invited me to stay the night swell several times and so I agreed. When everyone was getting ready to fall asleep it seemed natural I sleep in Sarahs bed (both because there was no other room, we were with each other at the party, and her and I are good friends). When getting into bed she suggested I take off my pants and I did. When laying together in bed we began spooning which led to grinding on each other and eventually we had sex. Waking up in the morning we both realized we fucked up and had to tell Chris. Sarah insisted on telling him. I'm not sure exactly what Sarah told Chris but I'm assuming it was the truth. Anyways, Sarah feels that it is my fault we had sex and that I should have known better because she was drunk and was just horny. Sarah no longer wishes to be friends with me and the same goes for Chris. I haven't talked to Chris yet but I'm going to give him a couple more days to cool down and then talk to him. I'm going to make sure he knows I don't expect him to accept my apology I just want to tell him how I saw it and have him tell me whats going on in his head (since he told me he doesn't really like her I'm unsure why he is so mad). As for Sarah I honestly have no idea what to do. It seems a little unfair that she considers it to be mostly my fault. I don't know what I could say to her to take me back as a friend. I understand I fucked up blades, so please only helpful comments containing good advice!
if you have feelings for her, you shouldn't want her to take you back as a friend anyway. be honest with yourself, and with her. tell her you don't want to be her friend either...and pursue a relationship with her. if she says no, forget her and move on. if she says yes, then forget chris and enjoy sarah. if she says no, then forget sarah and reconcile with chris. if neither of them are cool, get new friends.
I wish I would of took the guy above me's advice, theres no feeling worse than having feelings for a freind who dosnt like you back in the same manner. Tell her how you feel and if she isnt on the same page try to move on its a lot esayer now then it will be down the road Sent from my SM-G900P using Grasscity Forum mobile app
I agree, if the girl doesn't want an intimate relationship then leave her alone. You already admitted that you were envious when she was in a relationship with your friend. You don't want to be the creepy guy in the friend zone secretly lusting for some girl who sees you as a genuine friend. As far as Chris goes, he already said he didn't like her enough to date her so that should mean she was fair game. Just honestly tell him you had much stronger feeling for her than he did so why should it matter to him if he was going to eventually get rid of her anyway?.
So you both liked Sarah in the beginning, right? So what the fuck gives this Chris guy the right, considering he's supposed to be your friend, to move on a girl you both like? Complete violation of guy code, he should have talked to you first. You just need to set shit straight with him "Look, I liked Sarah since we first met her. Yes, I slept with her. It was both of our faults, not just mine. I only wanted to make sure she was okay, and the fact is, you weren't even in a relationship with her anyway. I'm not saying what I did wasn't wrong, but she is to blame just as much as I am, and you weren't exactly the best friend. From where I was standing, you didn't give a shit about her anyway" Don't let yourself take the blame. Even if you're completely in the wrong, like you run over someone's fucking foot, if you go on the offensive, people spend so much time trying to defend themselves they forget the matter at hand. Now, go set those fuckers straight!
Tough situation man. Kinda blows when girls pull shit like that, hook up and then say they dont remember or something.
Drunken hook-ups are always so confusing. Especially when your friends are involved. Maybe someday you and Chris can be friends again. Regardless of what he told you about his feelings for Sarah you still crossed a line. Two lines in fact. One was moving in on someone he was interested in. You said that he "had Sarah" which means you were fully aware there was something going on between them. That should have been enough for you to keep your hands off her. The second line you crossed was crawling in that bed knowing full well her judgment was impaired by alcohol. Consent should have taken place before the drinking began. You pretty much took advantage of her inebriated state. I hate to say this but this was all you. You spoke about being envious of Chris and I think that's partly what motivated you to have sex with her. You also said that you didn't really communicate that much with her over the summer but Chris did. So you really had no interest until Chris started interacting with her. The fact that Chris was investing time and effort by "talking" to her should have been a clear sign to you that there was interest on both sides. Straight guys don't waste time on girls they're not into. It didn't even occur to you that maybe there was more going on than Chris was letting on? Guys can be really stupid about downplaying relationships. He may have said he wouldn't date her but his actions say otherwise. I doubt if you can salvage your friendship with him. That was a dick move. How can he trust you now? But, if you think it's worth the effort try an apology. Don't try to justify your actions or place the blame on him. Just apologize. Whatever happens after that is up to him.
Let Chris read your post, or tell him exactly what you told us. 360 joints in my body and not one in my pocket.
UPDATE: Tonight I'm going to sit down and talk to Chris. I'm essentially giving him my side of the story and an apology. Of course I will be smoking him out while doing so. As for Sarah, today she removed/blocked me on pretty much all social media so I think for now there isn't anything I can do about her as of right now because she obviously is still very bothered by the whole situation. Maybe if Chris forgives me she will see that and come around but right now my efforts are going towards restoring my friendship with my boy. I'll let you guys know how things go with Chris tonight.
Dude thats what chicks do in college. They want to have wild sexual experiences with lots of guys (or just experience some different guys than the limp dicks they fucked in high school) Then they have them and they want the guy to go away so life can go back to how it was before. Sorry dude. Just live yourlife and fuck as many hoez as you can cause one day you will be old and you're dick won't work anymore.
Things went really well with chris. We made up over a mad chill Vape session with some sour diesel. He just doesn't want me to do shit like this again. He also was telling me how he thinks Sarah is being so crazy over this and that he's not going to talk to her anymore because of that. She's mad at both of us now.
You chose the right path man bro code. And at the end of it turns out shes cray cray go figure lol Sent from my GT-I9300 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
so she asked you to sleep over, then asked you to take your pants off while youre in bed with her, but because she was drunk you took advantage of her?? lmfao you gotta be kidding me man Sent from my SCH-I535 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
Yeah crazy right?! I accepted her invitation and this is what i get. After talking it over with Chris he believes my story and we also agree she's being over dramatic and trying to put all the blame on me. Yesterday, Sarah texted Chris basically freaking out at him for no reason. We've both decided if she's going to act like this we aren't interested in having anything to do with her. I'll keep you blades posted if anything new arises in the situation but as for right now Chris and I are going to continue being good friends.