(172w CFL|LST|SOG|Organic)Strawberry Fields Forever

I am well! My bong broke, but that happens, haha. Just wish, you know, my bong didn't break, lmfao. I have clones that're happy little ladies! My flowering plants are about a month away from harvest, and while they haven't packed on much weight, I'm sure I'll be happy with what I get. <3

 

Wow. The final count of what I've lost due to the cold this year, out of my personal plant collection.. 390 plants of various tropical and herbal varieties. No cannabis, but that's because I keep my greenhouse legit. Had several $30-$50 valued banana plants die, had a LOT of losses.

 

It's gotten to that point. My girlfriend's decided that I can no longer stay here. I won't be updating this journal until I can figure out what my options are, because I need my plants, but I don't want to be homeless. I'm sorry, you know I care about all you guys.

 

My total dry weight, keep in mind I had to cut a month early.. Is 57.5 grams wet and trimmed.

 

I don't really know, but unfortunately I didn't have a choice. Number one requirement for going back to where I used to stay was to get rid of the plants.

 

I had to cut her early, like I said, due to kind of foreseen circumstances. Here's a shot of some of what I got though. Almost dry enough to cure. Think it'll do anything?
 

 

Yeah, wish it had gotten to ripen up. Maybe one day this shitty life will be better. Having friends is good, I just wish friends would call me or talk to me. I occasionally send out a text, but that's about all I can emotionally manage. People don't realize that they have to get up with me to talk to me when I feel this crappy. lol

 

Since my bubbler, bong, and everything glass for smoking I had, broke.. I went and bought a new bubbler with some of the $90 I made in the last two days. $35 for it, a bit expensive... But it hits nice, and has a velvet case that locks and makes it near unbreakable when stored. Had a bad anxiety attack a bit ago, had muscle pains since. Found some bud on the roadside today, and it was freshly ditched. It's sensimilla, but it's bricked. Hits good though, but might be the mango smoothie. Lol...
 
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I found a hundred dollar bill one day, while just walking in the local k-mart.

 

Sorry about my complete inactivity as of late, guys. I've ended this journal, really.. I just use it to post occasionally now. This post is more of a closure thing for this thread, as much as I hate to say it. I'm not going to request deletion or anything like that. However, there will be no further updates past this from me, in this thread. The reason...
 
Well, I just can't be using sites like this, because it makes me feel worse now. For a variety of reasons. I keep getting reminded of the fact that I can't grow anymore, much less afford anything. I feel like shit because I've had to end journals prematurely several times now. It makes me feel like I'm more of a failure. The family members I now reside with again, are calling me a damned drug addict, this, that, and the other. The depression I'm going through has been getting steadily worse and worse, and is at the point that it's overwhelming. For the past 4 days I woke up crying, because of it, and have probably eaten twice this week. My anxiety attacks are getting more frequent and much more severe, as I don't have any way to obtain the medicine that helps regulate me anymore. No bud buddies, no old circle friends, no dealer, nothing.. Dreams are getting more horrifying and gruesome, so I've stopped sleeping more than an hour or two a night, if that. I'm honestly scared to go to sleep again. I don't want to experience myself dying again.
 
Like I said.. Not exactly having a good experience since my ex broke up with me and hooked up with the best local RL friend I had. I've felt so bad since then that I actually left all my knives at her house intentionally, to keep myself from having any around me in this sort of state.
 
Anyway.. Sorry, guys. I tried. I tried to even hang around after that spectacular failure, but this most recent event of me getting all my money stolen from me has kind of been the tipping point that's kind of killed the fun or hope in everything, for me.

 

Still debating strongly, selling everything I own and hitting up Cali. I'd have much more a fighting chance. Anyway, this journal will be replaced with a new one when I begin growing again. If I begin growing again, it's honestly probably gonna be because I either got my own place or moved to a medical state.
 
Sorry for the depressing post last night btw, guys. I have a lot on my mind and have trouble handling it on harder nights.