Hey all, here is something i've wondered how to deal with for a while now. I had a lovely girlfriend for a year and a half, hell, eight months ago now? Something like that. And while I was dating her, it was easy to make female friends, since I could never not talk about my girlfriend it was easy to gain their trust/befriend them. Now that I am single, I still obviously have friends and look for new ones. However, I can't exactly befriend someone by mentioning my girlfriend, so i am at a loss for how to approach the whole relationship area. I would say I'm not like most guys, I'm not interested in hitting and quitting, I love a woman for her intelligence and wit, can she hold down a conversation? Then we can be friends. It is my experience that being friends with the person before the relationship makes them much more likely to succeed, as there is much more at stake. Both sides wont shirk at the first sign of trouble, or the first unattractive thing the other person does. Therefore, I want to be friends with the woman before hand , before I even know i'm interested in her, if possible. I just enjoy having a lot of female friends, and honestly, what male wouldn't? It seems that many women, however, are reluctant to become friends outside of class, (I'm in college, you know, hit it and quit it central) and I just don't know how to cross that gap from class friend to actual friend. Now its simple if you allude that you aren't hitting on them, but then what do you do when you do catch feelings for that girl? I feel like thats closing the door before I get my chance to even get to the sidewalk from the street. Now its not like I am going to find them all interesting and worth dating or anything, but on the off chance I do, i'm worried about what I say before hand. So, ladies, if a guy comes up to you and seems like a geniune person, how does he befriend you beyond the classmate friend range? How does it look when he comes to talk to you? Are you in immediate guard mode? Or does that just go up when he says something directly flirty? Better yet, how well do you feel you can detect between bullshitters who are playing and geniune people? Myself it is very difficult, I'm typically open and trusting. Thanks ahead of time everyone, I'm sure this will generate good discussion.
Well I do like to hit it and quit it and yet I've inexplicably made more friends that are girls at college than guys. The only thing I can think of is being yourself and being honest. That's all I did and I'm a shitty human being. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Don't try to be somebody you're not. And try to avoid making friends with your ex's friends or friends of her friends. That could cause some drama. Who knows what your ex has told her friends about you, even before the breakup? (Like during a fight or when she was upset with you.) And if her friends find out their friends are hanging out with you, they might tell them what your ex has told them. Hearing "Eww, don't hang out with *your name*, *your ex's name* told me that *insert unflattering things here*" could turn them off to being friends with you, even if those things aren't true. I'd recommend finding a totally new setting for making female friends where you can get a fresh start and avoid drama.