He engaged in a relationship with a woman who had a child, when he stated that he never had any intention on wanting to be a father. There'd be no need to withdraw at all if he didn't pursue. The amount of time dating is completely irrelevant if he knew about the kid up front. Are we going to act like it's ethically fine to just jump in and out of a relationship with a single mother, and a kid who obviously wanted a male role model around? He made a shit decision that involved three individuals, and made one convenient one that spared only him. It wasn't wrong that he did what was best for him- it was wrong because he was an unnecessary speed bump in someone else's driving lane. That's what he did wrong. And then he came to strangers on the internet looking for sympathy from a scenario that he bred himself. So I think I'll stick to what I said. Any other information is just filler. He's not going to have to explain to a kid throwing around the "L" word that he's not coming around anymore, and he doesn't have to go through the feeling of rejection that the mother has to go through as an implication of having a son she loves. I'm sympathetic to people who get fucked over by people's inability to think long term. It's fucked this planet, it's personally fucked with me in my own life, and it fucks up little strings of happiness that decent people have to sometimes fight years for. So no, we don't need more information. We need to tell the guy who is going to be treating patients to get his head out of his ass and think before he acts.
So he should stay along for life after he realizes its not what he wants? No opportunity to change his mind. No opportunity to realize the woman isn't compatible in the long term. No opportunity to prioritize his career. No opportunity to back out. Once you jump in, there's no leaving, right? It's not like he got her pregnant, man. You're essentially questioning this guy's character and decision making capability while simultaneously saying he should jump into raising a child. That's setting him up for failure. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. No concern for his emotions or how hard this decision must be for him either... I feel like OP has confessed something that was probably really hard to even bring up and is now getting shit on for what I see as the most responsible choice, for everyone involved. If he's not ready, he's not ready. Let's not crucify this guy.
You replied so obviously it irritated you enough to reply so yes, it's constructive. And everything that -Martyr said is pretty awesome. I'm a single mom and OBVIOUSLY one of the very first things I discuss with anyone that I'm dating or fucking is that I have kids. Anyone with any sort of sense discusses their children and what role they expect that person to play in their lives. So, in my opinion, it was shitty for OP to act like he is the responsible one for bouncing. If he was THAT responsible, he would have fucked the mom and never even met the kid. I don't know if I said in this thread or another one but there are many ways to avoid children being involved in relationships. It's called bed time and baby sitters.
I agree with everything in your post except for this. He never claimed he was doing the responsible thing. He was asking for input as far as if his decision was justified for not. I can't make this guy out to be a bad person for realizing he's not ready to be a father. How many people think they are ready for parenthood, but realize they are not after their first child is born? I realize its a bad situation all around, but he is not responsible for the preexisting conditions and shouldn't be villainized for opting out after initially getting to know this woman and her child. But you are totally right, he should've not explored the possibility of fatherhood and stayed out of the kid's presence. There was clearly a better way to handle this.
i have turned down many women because they've had children....and i'll continued doing so too... don't know if it's wrong but that's just my preference.. what's wrong though is getting involved with them in the first place. you shouldn't engage women who are looking for more if you can't provide that...and sleeping with her first, then deciding that makes you wrong...just for that.. right for leaving
It's not wrong because you're choosing to allow both sides to dodge a bullet, while pursuing your personal preference. As for what Colt said, him coming to us for insight into what he wants to do was pointless the second he actually broke up with her. He came to us because he feels indifferent about the decision he made. And he feels indifferent because he knows that deep down what he did was right for himself, but he went about it in a way that wronged two people in order to get there due to negligence of foresight. What should we do, congratulate people on only doing what's advantageous for them, with little regard for other people? Pass. Give it more thought next time.