That's exactly what he's depending on and probably instilled it in you himself. He wants you to be afraid. So that you never leave. You know why? Because HE is the one terrified you will leave. All bullies are cowards at heart and that's exactly what he is, a bully. Find an abuse hotline for your area. Get a counselor and be completely honest. A counselor is only as good as the information you provide. You have had 20 years of this treatment and it's not going to be fixed overnight. You will have setbacks. So don't beat yourself up over it. It's not how many times you fall that counts. It's how many times you get back up and keep trying. Don't give up. You are worth it. Concentrate on what you can do now. If you can't walk out that door then don't do it. Yet. Work on you. Find you a good counselor. One that challenges you and that, on occasion, pisses you off. The best counselors are the ones that don't put up with your shit and will tell you to your face. lol Do this for yourself. Please. You deserve better. Edit: Oh my god. Your daughter looks like Zoella. She's a YouTuber from the U.K. Your daughter has her mother's looks.
Thanks Carne I will look into it and you are exactly right. He knows very well that I am terrified. I text him telling him I was leaving and got no reply because he knows I won't do it. I just want to punch him to be honest. But I definitely feel much closer to leaving than ever before.
Don't provoke him. Don't let this escalate to physical abuse. Violence is never a solution. Ever. He will see it as justification for whatever he does to you. Soooo beautiful. It runs in the family.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln
Carne I know, I'm only joking...I would never hit someone, ever. And he would never raise a hand to me or the kids...or has never done so before. I don't have a violent bone in my body. Perhaps if I did, I would've left him years ago.
He only brings out the absolute worst in me. I loathe him, I detest him. He has done nothing but put me down all morning.
There is going to come a time when the pain of the problem will overcome the pain of the solution. When that time comes you need an exit strategy. Start working on getting out of that house. Have you contacted anyone about the abuse? Have you looked into seeing a counselor? What have you done so far to help your situation? Nothing will change until you decide to change it. No one else can do this for you. Please think about getting help.
Sorry to say but he is not a man. Real men don't treat women like that. If I could meet him, I would hit him for you. Low life piece of scum. You need to get out. Take the kids and leave. Find a relative that you can stay with for a little while. Fuck that dude. He needs a kick in the balls for sure.
No Carne to be honest I haven't and that makes me feel more like a failure. Can you just be here if I need you?
Beerbrewer, my family live 8 hours away. I can't move the kids away from everything they know. I'd like to very much but their life is here up North. He moved me away from my family and friends 8 years ago.
I don't expect or want anyone to feel sorry for me. This is the bed I made and I have to sleep in it. I will get out one day.
What is it about me that I put up with this? A man who doesn't show me any love yet I have so much to give to him. If he still loved me in return I would be the happiest woman alive.
Carne please don't be upset with me. I know from an outsiders point of view this is totally fucked up and some of you won't get it. Love is a powerful emotion..and it really really hurts to give up on it
When you're current man says shit like that be like "bullshit I got cocks lined up around the block waiting to hit dis pussy!" except don't say that just exude it and then take him down a notch by insinuating he has erectile problems. If he says you're ugly again tell him you bet you could go out to a bar tonight and bring home a random guy to fuck. You sound like you have more going for you than this wanker you're with so just start focusing on that.
hey girl hows it going? i know how you feel. but there is always a way to find what you need. don't listen to the belittlement, this about doing the right thing for you. this is his way of holding on to you. not that he still loves you, he just realized it's cheaper to make you stay. do whats going be right for you. we only get so many years. don't waste them.
I'm not upset with you. Sorry for not responding sooner I have some issues of my own to hash out. I'm still going to advocate that you get a counselor. You need some help. You may not want to leave your husband and I can truly understand your fear. Change is a powerful deterrent. But I just want you to really look at the situation you're in. Please, please, please find a good counselor and start taking care of you. Think of the example you're setting for your children. Would you want your daughter in this situation? What would you tell her if she WAS in this situation? Have you actually talked to your family about this? Do they know what's going on? Or are you keeping the abuser's code of silence? You deserve better. You really do.
There's something I haven't told you guys and it's very relevant to why he has changed. I will start by saying his own father died of alcoholism at the age of 42. I was looking for something recently and stumbled across about 100 empty wine bottles I thought he was only having his usual six pack of beer but he has been hiding this from me. Since finding the bottles I've found numerous more hidden all over the house and garage and even in his car. Yes I am living with a functional alcoholic. He abuses me when he is 'silently' drunk. How do you walk out on a very sick man who has a disease? I've tried talking to him about it and this is when he becomes most upset and blames me for everything. He is in total denial that he has a problem. I am the problem...it's my fault for just about everything. I've tried and tried and tried to get him to seek help but he will never ever believe he has a problem.