Is It Wrong To Be A Loner?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Jesse Botwin, Sep 16, 2014.

  1. [Please Note: This story is not about or by me. I am posting this for a friend. For sake of him wanting to be anonymous, I'm calling him Gary. Gary is a senior at a local HS. This is his story].

    Gary: Is it weird to want to be alone? Not without friends, But just generally alone. Gary is new to the area, Moving in over the summer. [I met him through my cousin, Guess his close with the dudes brother]. Gary is spending his last year at this new school, but since he doesn't know anybody, he wants to stay alone. Last year, Gary hung out with friends but didn't talk much to them. Gary is not antisocial, But he prefers to stay quiet. This year Gary wishes to be left alone. The staff at this new school want to welcome Gary, But Gary wants to keep to himself. Gary feels awkward when he gets called out on this. This posed him to ask me this question..

    Is it weird to be a loner?
    [My standpoint now]
    I personally, Think this is normal. I kept to myself when I was younger, But I always had friends.

    What do you guys think? (what should I tell him? I'm trying to comfort the poor guy. I guess he had a panic attack or something today. My friend called me up and told me about it).
     
  2. I'm a loner myself, but your friend Gary sounds like an introvert.
     
     
    My 2 cents:
    It's okay to be a loner, but it sucks to be lonely.
     
  3. Holy shit... T-thank you...

    I dunno if its true for Gary, BUT you just made me realize something about myself.

    Thanks so much, You helped me much more then you know. (Maybe even Gary).
     
  4. i love myself. I can literally have full conversations with myself and most of the time taking to myself is better than talking to others cause i completely understand myself. I'm almost always alone in my room and i really like it. I've been in my room for so long during the summers that i haven't even seen my parents for days at a time, my internal sleeping clock was opposite from a normal persons lol 
     
  5. Your friend sounds like an introvert. But nah man, i find nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. Some people just dont like being around people.


    JESUS GOT SHOT IN THE FACE
     
  6. I'm in the same situation as Gary, and although I'm very introverted I'm not cool with being a loner. I would get really lonely and depressed without any friends. Luckily I have a small group of friends and a gf so I'm content with that even though I don't get invited to crazy parties and most people don't know me
     
  7. #8 SupaAPE, Sep 16, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2014
    I've been in many situations.
     
    The funny guy, the center of attention.
     
    The quiet guy.
     
    The loner guy.
     
    The guy everyone else looks up to
     
    The skinny as a twig guy,
     
    The huge buff steroid guy
     
    The guy people hate,
     
    The smart ass
     
    Right now, i've been spending much alone time for the past 6-7 months in my apartment. Reason being?
     
    Well, most people on this World, are simply content with what they are born into. They don't question important things...instead they are wound up in all this insignificant sh1t like, T.V, facebook, having the latest iPhone, or lastest clothes, one upping people around them and a general confused outlook on life...REAL LIFE.
     
    I guess this is one of the disadvantages of being a more intelligent introvert....you spend time putting the pieces together and making sense of it all....and when you do...you realize that you're simply wasting time socializing with idiots and would be better off spending that time alone, learning, thinking...progressing yourself as a human being.
     
     
    However, it is important to have some friends, and to socialize every know and then....otherwise you might end up even more antisocial and find it hard to sit and interact with people in the "normal" way in which society expects of you.
     
    Also try and seek other people that are like minded to yourself....they are out there, you just gotta try hard to find em :)
     
  8. If Anything he is introverted and just wants to be alone let him. sure he will need friends but he might need a small group of loyal true friends or just give him some gangee :smoke:
     
  9. Brother.....what kind of  introvert ? i'm an INTP: analytical thinker
     
  10. we hardly know each other but from one introvert to another you have my honest and sincere support :smoking:
     
  11. Nothing wrong with being an introvert....especially since most people are snakes in disguise.
     
  12. nope its not weird to want to be alone. im alone a lot. its 10:55am right now and my last interaction with another human was over league of legends about... 6 hours ago when my friends logged off and went to bed. we play every night, its really fun! but after we get done playing, after i have interacted with friends, people whom i willingly spend time with and love, i need to recharge. this is what an introvert is. we need time to process and to recharge from our interactions with others.
     
    now think about an introvert going through normal day to day life, even something as simple as school. having to be around people constantly all day, some of which you would rather not be around at all. its quite exhausting really. you just kinda want it all to stop, to be quiet, to calm down, to go away. might even start to daydream to escape.
     
    i dont have very many "real life friends" although i really REALLY dislike that term because i feel as if it somehow delegitimizes the amazing relationships i have developed with people i do not interact with face to face. there's shelby, a smoking buddy. and sabrina, an old smoking buddy who is pregnant right now, lol. those are my two "real life friends." just two. thats all i need though. i dont text them everyday, or call them. the last time i saw shelby was saturday and we chilled at her house for abit, smoked a blunt, talked, whatever. and that was a lovely time, it really was. but you know what else is? typing this whilst listening to this. equally as enjoyable for me, and i dont have to be around anyone to do it. im in my room. im comfortable. im safe. im happy.
     
    last time i hung out with sabrina was like... damn, before summer? havent talked to her much since then either. but its not because i dont care or im not her friend anymore. i simply have nothing to say. as soon as she pops out that baby, which will be near her 21st birthday i am most certainly going to contact her and be like "yo i got a qtr of loud with your name on it." and we will pick right back up where we left off. i am not that needy friend. i am not that friend who spontaneously decides we should go shopping or hiking or some or adventurous nonsense. i am that friend that you can call at 4am in the morning and we can get stoned while our laughs fill mutual silence.
     
    has gary ever heard of the word phlegmatic? if not:
     
     
    (also semi relevant, im a INFJ personality type according to the MBTI. i suggest he look into that as well.)
     
    also, the two friends mentioned above, i met them through my old job that i got when i had just moved here. i had a panic attack at work one day (actually i have had a few but this one specifically is my point.) over something silly. so so silly. i dont even remember what it was thats how silly. i just remember feeling worthless, and as i rang up this poor woman's groceries tears streamed down my face and they wouldnt stop. i started shaking. then hyperventilating. my manager was trying to comfort me and kept telling me to breathe and patting my back. its horrible. all you can say is "im sorry" but that doesnt help, that doesnt make you not panic. and they want to touch you and be around you and make you feel better and you just want everyone to go away. dont touch me. dont talk to me. dont even look at me. we know its not "normal" to want to be alone. that doesnt change the fact we want to be left alone and that pushing the subject, even if you are staff, even if you are a manager, even if you are trying to be helpful. you arent.
     
    there's nothing wrong with being a loner, wanting to be alone, or any other variation of the sort. the problem is people not respecting that to such a degree someone feels negatively about something which comes natural to them. and you arent ever truly alone when you are a loner or whatever you wanna call it, because there are so SO many of us that understand.
     
    and op, i applaud you for doing this because you did what so many people dont, you listened. you listened to him and you are trying to help. that probably means more to him than you will ever realize. gdi now im crying. he may not need a lot of friends, or to talk to a lot of people, because he has a friend like you. and thats enough for him. ive found in my 21 years that for me personally, its about the quality of the friendship, and how comfortable i am around them as compared to the quantity of friends you have and what you do with them.
     
    im not sure if that was helpful, or if anyone will even read that, its kinda long... but i hope it was and i hope people do. even if you dont identify with anything in it, you might have a friend that does, and you might come to understand why that friend is the way they are. and there's nothing wrong with it. at all.
     
  13. I'm an INTJ/INFJ
     
  14. Leave gary alone and respect his wishes.
     
  15. Well said! :)
     
  16. Thank you so much for this post, phlegmatic describes me almost 100%. Now, I shall do more research.
     
  17. Lol, Gary talks to me. Me and him have quite a lot in common.

    I mentioned the whole introvert thing to him today. He said it makes sense and will look into it.

    Thanks everyone for the advice. It really helps (both of us, to be honest).
     
  18.  
    Mah nigga. I'm a fellow INTJ as well. Now on topic to OPs question, its not weird at all. Some people need to be alone in order to fully let loose if it makes sense. I can hang out with people for a day or so but eventually i'll need an entire day or weekend to sort of recharge. It's difficult to explain it but your friend is fine. Just make sure that he knows that he does indeed have friends.
     
  19. I've read articles about the types of introverts a while back, not sure which one I fit into exactly :p
     
    I think at the end of the day everyone is a mix of both introverted and extroverted attributes...it's just about which side you lean towards mostly.
     

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