I have been writing for years, poetry mostly, and finally got around to getting serious; furthermore I decided to make a live journal to compile all of my current writing. I decidied to use biblical themes as imagry. Although it is hard to find a good forum to get some constructive criticism, I thought I could return to my old stomping ground Grasscity to and get some feedback from my stoner old stoner buddies. So sit back light up and let me know what you think. http://ryandubyah.livejournal.com/
I enjoyed it. Not heavy handed at all. Rhymes for the most part aren't forced. Possible typos though in some of them s: unless "Lost in a See" is a play on words in Blind Men. Good to see someone putting their mind into something like this when the mind is ripe and not squandering it.
It's full of typos, I know, I am planning on getting on and editing everything into a more legible format so nothing is final. In fact everything on their I wrote in 5 minute spurts. Thank you so much for reading.
All your poems are about satan and suffering from sin and how i will burn in hell. Very negative. Write some positive uplifting stuff. You make ozzy Osbourne blush.
Hit and miss for me. You're asking me to critique your poetry but i'm too lazy to tear in to it right now.
Of Wolves and Sheep: Clothed in fine linens we ride to the top. Clothed in your skins we do not stop. Clothed with your work we get everything done. Where is your Shepard you flock? Who is the one keeping the Stock? Your leader has left you "HOWL, ARF". Oh, your leader didn't leave you? You wandered away? Now the Wolves are the Shepards holding you sway. Where is your Lion: Riding on high. The Lion left his Sheep for his Pride. [SIZE=11.8181819915771px]Ye sheep all run from the Lions that howl with spinters in their paw. <span>Ye sheep abandoned them for Wolves that eat you.[/SIZE] <span>Ye sheep walk with abandonment for Wolves, yet the Lions still hold the gate.</span> [SIZE=11.8181819915771px]<span>The Wolves will fall, only after you remove the splinter from the Lions paw. <span style="font-size:11.8181819915771px;">Stop beating the Lions, stop feeding the wolves.[/SIZE] [SIZE=11.8181819915771px]Stop being bad sheep, help our paws.[/SIZE] [SIZE=11.8181819915771px]When we return to the flock to take stock of Our sheep; Will you be them that are kept or fed to the wolves, for we don't herd goats.[/SIZE]</span></span></span>