Hi! Been smoking for 3 years now and the way I smoked and how much varied a lot through the times. I started out small, just a pinch from a nug in one bong toke was usually enough to get me zonked! (favorite memory from that time was watching some 300 ripoff movie about the titans of mythic greece and not having a single clue what the hell was going on!) I moved to Canada half a year later, and as luck would have it, I lived in a commune house with 13 other people (3 stories, 3-4 people per floor. It wasn't very clean LOL). And as luck would have it I lived down the street from a guy for whom I eventually was slinging ozs' gram by gram for. I also lived next to a guy who would chop me 5's or 10's if I ever needed any. Sh*t was bonkers! I could smoke any time, all the time. I made a lot of money, but I usually ended up just keeping the bud that I would sell for myself to smoke. Thing is, at the time, I was also drinking a lot. Not to say it was consistent. but I would down a full sixer every now and then to the face and end up blacking out (apparently I would stumble through the house, contemplating the rash action of going around knocking over trash cans and fighting emo kids, as if they would fight back haha). I would also drink a lot of beer since the LCBO was a 30 minute walk back and forth and there was also seven, that's right, SEVEN, pubs on the campus I was staying at. Booze-a-palooza! Eventually after roughly 2 years of staying in Canada, I couldn't take living in a commune house anymore or living with my aunt and cousin (that was the other option. They were very nice and really good people but they would lie to my mom saying I was addicted to Heroin when I was just smoking pot). 3 years later I'm back home with my parents, I don't know any dealers that would just sell me some goddamn weed and not make a big deal out of it, and I'm currently sh*tfaced from drinking about 9 shots of svedka and 2 shots of grants whisky. I feel pretty terrible knowing that the healthy home-made meal I just ate and the large amounts of supplements I took won't be absorb fully into my body and used to the fullest extent. I also feel pretty awesome but not looking forward to waking up tomorrow. Why do I keep going back to alcohol?? I know I drank in Canada, when I was 19 and it was the first time in my life I can go and buy alcohol. I'm 21 now and the thrill wore off, but not the habit. If I had any way of getting some flower right now, I would skate, run, drive, WHATEVER, I would get me some kush!! Yet I sit here, under the influence of Ethanol that I knowingly consumed wishing it wasn't this way.. WHY?! What is this madness?!?! I know it's bad, but I still want to get f*cked up on SOMETHING. Is convenience this much of a temptation?? Just walk to the pantry, pour a glass, swig, and enjoy some air-headed feel that is ever so slightly reminiscent of the wonderful feeling I felt 3 years ago? I know I'm ranting at this point, but it helps me to get this stuff off my head through some media. I hope this is the right place for such a thread! Sorry to anybody that would have to remove this if that's not the case, I'm a newb! cheers Can not discuss dealing - graybeard
Sounds like you have a dependency. Not sure if it is physical or mental. I feel that, taking into account your 11 shots of hard liquor, it's more of a physical dependency.