Damn, a lot of fucked up blades here in the city. Your pain soothes me. Nah but for real, depression has chosen me.
Sooooooooooo fucking tired. some nights I don't need my sleep meds, some nights I do, some nights I need a double dose, some nights a double dose isn't enough. Seems like no matter what i'm fucked. I could take my prescribed dose and sleep like shit, and be tired all day. Or I could double or triple it, get some sleep (maybe), and wake up tired and groggy from the meds, and be tired all day.
I've been diagnosed as suffering from psychosis. I've recently come out of hospital as it got to the point where I was putting my life at risk without even knowing what I was doing. However, I am relieved that they put me in hospital as now I've finally been put on a medication that actually works for me.
I was so mad while I was in the hospital. I didn't think my behavior was strange at all. I'd call my mom every day, for a week, and tell her she needs to get me out of here asap or i'm never speaking to her again. And I was mad at her for quite awhile, but she did the right thing. Technically I checked myself in but I felt like she forced me into it. She grabbed me by the wrist and said, "We need to go now." I was sane enough to know it was best not to physically resist my mother. It was only a couple of months ago that she asked if I forgave her, and I told her that I'd forgiven her about 1-2 years ago. While I was in the hospital, they put me on a pretty heavy dose of a potent anti-psychotic. It was way too much, I didn't really notice how it was affecting me until I was out and at work. I couldn't think, I was uncoordinated, just dead to the world. Now i'm on a mood stabilizer, and it's... meh. Something might need to change soon. (-ish)
@[member="Papageorgio"] I've added a note asking people to not bring up medications...hopefully they'll abide by it so that we can keep this thread going... I'm sure it'll prove to be a valuable resource for many... I'll take a sweep through, and clean up anything I need to now, giving people a free pass this once... Anyone continuing to speak of medications will be dealt with... If people want to keep this going, please encourage others not to talk of medication, and please report the posts that do so that it can be handled efficiently without putting the entire thread in jeopardy...
At this point I've been dealing with depression for almost half my life (13 years) and now anxiety for about 3 years. Of the two I never thought that anxiety would be more difficult to live with but it's been getting to a point where when the anxiety comes it's completely crippling whereas with my depression I've learned to basically push it aside and get on with life. I have always been against using medication but a few months ago I was nearly evictied because of things I did and didn't do because of a prolonged anxiety attack so I've realized that it is affecting my life too much to try and deal with it on my own. I'm nervous about taking medication but also hopefully becasue I truely feel that it's my best option now.
Nope...sorry...software only allows caps at the start of a word, after a space...it's to prevent all caps thread titles...
This is a reminder for you. You are loved. You are special. It is okay to cry and scream. It is okay to be home from work/school if you feel anxious or need to be alone and cry all day or if you just got three hours of sleep. You are strong even if you relapsed in your recovery. You are worthy even if all you did today was just lying in bed and watch netflix. You are a great person even if you have said or done some stupid things. You deserve the feeling of loving yourself.
Been pretty depressed lately. Lost 10lbs without trying, gotta force myself to eat... I'm lookin damn good though...
My official psychiatric diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder with Anxious Tendencies, and although I was never diagnosed with ADD my psychiatrist agreed there was a strong case for it. I've been hospitalized a few times, including a little over a week as an inpatient in the youth psych ward. I self-harmed for many years, but haven't for at least 2. I'm happy to report I've been able to stay off my antidepressants for a few months and hope to remain off them indefinitely. There are still difficult days, and sometimes the sadness is dark and overwhelming, but I've managed to pull through this far. I really hope the worst of it is behind me, but even if it's not I can recognize warning signs, and I know who I can reach out to for help. Great thread @[member="Papageorgio"]
Nice to meet a fellow BPD'er lol. I think I'm BPD/a sociopath, my emotions go from one extreme to the other and I have little to no empathy most/if not all the time, then some days I care alot, but most of the time nothing gets me down. I also suffer from making really poor choices... Like I know what I'm about to do is a horrible choice yet I do it anyway, and then the next day when I'm unable to get up for work/call in, I get depressed and do more drugs and the cycle continues... I'm basically an alcoholic who does... a few unmentionables wayy more than he should, I KNOW I shouldn't do it, but once I manage to go to work and feel better, I think hey I can do it again and be okay... A viscous cycle to get into... Which sucks because when I was pretty young I had a great life ahead of me... But I kept making poor choices and now it seems it's finally caught up to me... You can only put up a mask for so long before it comes off and people see who you really are.
Aspergers has really set me back in life up until I realized I have it. Didn't find out until a year and a half ago. I've over come some small things that come with it but I'm still working on it. Most would say I'm shy and quirky but once someone gets to know me I'm neither of those. A small part of it is that I can't recognize sarcasm unless it's really empathized and lately it's put me in lots of small embarrassing situations. PTSD has been consuming my life for the past few months. I have noticed that lately it's not quite as bad. Depression is always present so I'm used to it. It started around the time I was 12 and I'm 19 now. The longest it's gone away since it first started was for 5 1/2 months. It fluctuates to extremely severe depression more than I'd like but everything I try doesn't help it. I took pain killers to coop with it but that eventually lead to taking handfuls in the morning of whatever kinds I could get l. Taking that many made my numbness tolerable. They would make me feel kind of drunk and high so eventually I needed that feeling to function. That really fucked my liver though, I'll be surprised if I make it to 40 before it fails all together. Also I have no empathy. Some have said that makes me a sociopath but that's total bs if you ask me.
I've had depression and anxiety since I turned 13. Before that I only had a problem of worrying excessively about things that no one else worries about. This problem continued too. I also had panic attacks for the first couple of years after my depression started. Sometimes they were so bad that I couldn't move, I could only lay down wherever I was and hold my chest. I did okay until I had a bad experience with a certain SSRI. Since then things have been much worse, mentally and physically. I seem to just keep getting worse physically. There doesn't seem to be a solution. For reasons still unknown to me, I somehow managed to have a period of 20 days where I felt better than I ever have in my entire life. I was happy, I didn't have any anxiety, depression, or stress. I slept better than ever before. I was healthier. I was functioning, and felt, like a normal, healthy person. It was heaven. I was able to do the things I wanted to do. Of course it didn't last.
sounds like my days before I transition into "hypomania". There are times where I feel fan-fucking-tastic. But it's a double edged sword, not much farther beyond fantastic is manic. I don't want that. Not again.
depression, anxiety and i believe a large amount of batshit crazy. i was prescribed all kinds of crazy medication that left me feeling utterly miserable. now i only smoke bud and and use marginally less opiate pain medication. unless i am having an attack of the "batshit crazies" in which my wife cracks me over the head until i start feeling like myself again. that there is true love! honestly though, i don't recommend anyone get off their meds with out talking to their docs first. some meds have crazy withdrawal / side effects when stopped suddenly. you might have to stand your ground to get off the meds you don't like but the doctors will give you the direction to get off of them correctly.
Absolutely. It drives me crazy when people are like "I took it and started feeling better so I stopped taking it. Now i'm all depressed and crazy!" Well, fuckin duh...
FYI guys, there is no physical basis for a personality disorder. Effective disorders like bipolar, mania and depression all share the same genetic markers for predisposition and are not as permanent as psychologists would have you believe, and if anyone prescribes you SSRIs without scanning your brain first they're basically flying blind. Schizophrenia and autism are the only ones out there that are actually legitimate mental illnesses and not just some arbitrary label applied to brain activity patterns for insurance purposes, and PTSD is technically a brain injury. In the interest of awareness, its always better to seek out actual neuroscience and real life studies, rather than go off of the popularized stereotypes most people consider mental illness. Just because someones brain works differently than yours does not make it a disorder, it just means it is ordered differently. I encourage everyone here to read thinking fast and slow by daniel khaneman. it may interest you to know all the thinking errors and mental illnesses that plague psychologists. no one is objective in this field, and anyone who thinks they are, doubly so.
Suicidal Depression Generalized Anxiety Possible aspergers and PTSD. Been off meds since I told the therapist I'd beat the crap out of him and make him OD on the pills he was pushing on me when I was 16. He had me on 2 ADHD meds at the same time, Ritalin AND Adderall. Also had me on insomnia meds, anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety meds. So.. 8 years, no meds. But you know what? I'm happy I am off my meds. I've never been able to really get in touch with myself. I've always been unable to even think before reacting to a situation, which led me down a route of potentially deadly levels of violence. Dropped all the meds at once, cold turkey. Not my brightest idea, but I was lucky. No damage overall, save for certain permanent features induced by Ritalin. Now I'm a peaceful person who just has problems and can't express emotions very well. I'd rather be that than a violent, murderous psychopath.