Mental Illness Support/awareness Thread

I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder NOS, ADHD, and Anxiety Disorder NOS. I used to deal with some pretty intense and scary auditory/visual hallucinations, still do from time to time, but not nearly as much anymore. Being Bi-Polar is something that's going to stick with me forever, when I have my good days, they are amazing, I'm sociable, fun, and I feel on top of the world and like nothing can stop me. But my bad days are terrible, my thinking is clouded, I have no emotion, I always ask myself, why? Why are we here when all were trying to do is survive? Why do all the bad things happen to the ones that I love and not me? And there's no telling how long these days will last, it can be days, weeks, even months. I would like to thank you for making this thread, people need to know more about mental health issues.

 

I am bipolar. my girl frend dumped me because I was being depressed

 

gonna try to choke this out fast so i dont delete it
 
diagnosis(young to old) (replaces not added)
 
oppositional defiant disorder
adhd
bipolar 2
mdd and severe anxiety
insomnia
 
my fathers side has a documented history of mdd and alcoholism. ive had some form of depression since i was prepubescent. 
he committed suicide when i was 17 and it wasis rough. i had a mental break at the open casket that i have yet to recover. it created a type of depression that isnt defined purely by sadness or lethargy. actually its the opposite, i lost the ability to feel that pain and i also lost the ability to feel joy. days washed into each other and nothing really made yesterday feel any different than the previous. also oddly its impossible to remember his voice or face.
 
back in may i had another break. my family had decided to move to the opposite side of the country so we had to remodel our trashed house. things  had gotten really bad between my family and my sister ended up saying some pretty cruel things. (blamed her, quoted texts(jst to elaborate, she had broken down the flimsy walls he had and had read it to us, laughing hysterically. he went to his parents house and chopped wood for hours. unresponsive) my mother, after i  had pulled my sister away, came down to the basement and smashed a 3k$ desktop. i tried to just place myself between her and it. there was no hesitation. she barreled through me and my sister gave her a bruise trying to get her off of me. i told her to call the police. they came and demanded that my sister stay with a friend. afterwards a teacher picked up my brother. she disabled all phones and had locked herself in the bathroom. just to make this part quick:
-razorblade poised
-6 pack and a bottle of wine empty
-a note
i had to fight her for the knife. shed only beg for it back. her phone was not working right because she dunked it. i had to hold her down because she said if i didnt give her the blade back shed get in her car and jmp the divider. i got the phone to work eventually and  i called for an ambulance. after i had answered the cops questions and i was alone. i went to the backyard and i couldnt stop laughing. i had tears but i couldnt physically stop. a few hours later(like midnight) my friend came over and found me like that.
 
WOW that was a rant... 
 
damn, its not even on topic.
as far as insomnia goes im in the worst spell of my life. the night before last i got 3 hours of poor sleep and i havent been able to pass out since then. so i apologize if my post is actually just the number 3 repeated for paragraphs. i dont know the diff 

 

oh if no one minds i wanted to ask my kindred carnies with insomnia a quick q.
 
when you havent slept for a while have you ever experienced this: so my mind will shut down different parts of my brain while retaining a half consciousness
.
 
let me try to elaborate.  usually it starts with a difficulty communicating thoughts (describing an envisioned scenario will often come out as complete gibberish) then it becomes hard to hold onto these images. i dont realize that i lost it, its just back to a lack of thought. then i get stuck and its not something i can perceive as wrong or unnatural. when get stuck in that place i can still see but i cant interpret anything. i still have some deep unconscious awareness of things. but in a way its like sleep. its odd- to feel like you just blinked and the clock skips an hour, but to at some level realize that you watched every minute go by
 
 

 

I think I know where you're coming from. Except that it doesn't always come from insomnia, I could get a great night's sleep and that shit could happen. What happens to me is it feels like I'm experiencing everything within like a movie or something. The way my awareness is is hard to describe, it's like I'm in a lucid dream. And I have a hard time sometimes differentiating between my dreams and reality, like I'll wake up but I feel as if I had just experienced everything in my dream first hand, Like one time when I was a kid I had a dream that my parents lost their job and we were homeless, I believed this for a couple days and went into a depression.

 

I woke up in the hospital on Sunday.
 
 
Reasons to get better: I am not okay with being a burden. I am not okay with upsetting loved ones.

 

 
Dang, I hope you're doing better now

 

 
I went overboard in seeking comfort. It happens but I'm in for a few rough weeks for sure.
 
Thank you lazy.

 

Oh no 6 I hope you're feeling better, and you're not a burden. You can always PM me if you need anything, you've done plenty to help me out and I'd be happy to return the favour.
 
You're loved

 

I've been feeling pretty down for the past few days, hopefully my mood picks back up soon.
 
Constantly correcting people who use my birth name/female pronouns is exhausting. Sometimes I'm not that bothered, other times I just want to cry and throw shit.
 
It's been a rough week

 

 
This is why the people who respect our pronouns are so important. I'm fiercely loyal to anyone who makes a genuine effort. People who have proven themselves to be considerate are always worth my time. 
 
I love the queer community for what it did to my self-worth. It taught me how to allow other people to positively change how I feel about myself. It helped me learn how to prevent other people from damaging my self esteem.
 
You are loved- I bet everyone that saw your post wants to help you kick this bad week's ass. Tomorrow's Friday too, I heard Fridays are the leading cause of death of bad weeks. This week's on its last breath... Finish it

 

just got back from my appointment for getting medication. mom suggested lexapro so thats what i also suggested to him as a starting point after the whole... life story thing... they are mailing them to me and they will be here saturday. the next three months are gonna be interesting. cause if it works yay but if not back to step 1... again... orz but this cinnamon toast is amazing with this arizona tea and weed omgggg ♥ (focusing on the positives aye~) hope everyone is doing well, or better. this thread gives me so much strength just knowing im not alone and reading and like... y'all are so strong too and ily ok im sappy amd gay bye

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Most people are genuinely trying, from what I can tell anyway, and just slipping up. I know they don't mean to, and I keep telling myself that it's an adjustment for them and I need to be patient, but that doesn't help the shitty feelings.
 
I need to get involved with more queer folks, I don't have any friends in my uni town who are trans.
 
Thanks 6! This week will be thoroughly destroyed on Saturday night - gunna party it up

 

sounds like a moron...

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It wasn't an active attempt. More of a substance incident caused by recklessness.
 
I agree.

 

 I know were supposed to keep pharm. talk out of it, but I just have to say, real quick, be careful with anti-anxiety meds. They work great at first, but horribly addicting and HORRIBLE to withdrawl from.