Im So Happy

 
Easy would be adding to your pile of ashes, waiting for the right time to birth your phoenix.. it'd be harder to clean up and throw out those ashes rather than to transform them. Those who go through an "easy" life aren't as experienced, so an easy life is nothing to look up to. It's like breaking a bone.. when it heals, it'll heal stronger than before. That's what you need to look forward to, how much better off you'll be once you're "healed" than others who never dealt with what you deal with. Sure, there is suffering and pure suckage in life, but that's life and you need to find the pros vs focusing on the scary cons. Like they say, every cloud has a silver lining.. but you won't see it if you're focusing on the storm.
 

 
Couple questions out of curiosity..
 
Do you consider yourself accident prone and/or self destructive?
 
Do you find yourself giving an actual answer to greetings that are also questions? Like when someone says "what's up" do you respond with something like "sup" or "not much"?
 
Do you feel like you're sometimes conflicted inside between being an asshole and being altruistic?
 
Are you religious or spiritual?
 
Have you ever been accused (jokingly or not) of having something like ESP? Or consider yourself highly empathic?

 

 
There's so many ways to describe things, and with having ADHD it's like thinking about it all and getting overloaded to the point where nothing comes out.. but the easiest way to describe it is a streak of autism. I hate throwing that term around though cause it feels like I am jumping on a bandwagon with it. More and more people are talking about it, there is more awareness of it's spectrum, but it also does some like a legit thing up and rising. They're more disconnected from their personal emotions, that's why we're more accident prone/self destructive. They're kind of the same thing depending on how you look at it. I get hurt all the time, but I don't really ever hurt. I feel pain, but not the emotional impact from it. In less than 2 weeks at work, I shot a nail through several layers of skin on my finger.. smashed that same finger with the sharp edge of a lawnmower blade, that one was kind of bad. It bled the majority of the day and oozed for almost a week.. and stepped on a nail while working with old wood, literally right after I told myself to look out for nails. It's why they took me off of working with dogs at work, cause I "have 0 regard for my personal safety" after I damn near got my lip ripped off. It's not that I want to get hurt, it's just I don't give a fuck enough not to get hurt. I've got so many scars from it, it's like even if I could care I probably wouldn't cause the damage is done.
 
Messes me up with those greetings too.. Typically the less emotional you are, the more logical you are. So when someone greets me like that, I almost always give an answer. It's like "what's up?" and I go 'not much, and yourself?' even though I know they don't mean it to be an actual question for you to answer. I catch myself sometimes and try to force a normal greeting, but it feels weird.
 
Same way with me with the other questions too. When you don't care, you probably end up either being super nice or a huge asshole. I've had a couple people ask me how I can be so nice, and such an asshole at the same time. At pretty much all my jobs, they love me cause I work. I don't give a damn about myself, so when I am in a work environment it's like that's the emotion and I work my ass off.. but I usually had the largest list of write ups. With a lacking in personal emotions, it's easy to not get emotionally attached to something and pretty much give it away. And religion.. ugh. Probably all that need be said bout that.
 

 
I don't consider myself an empath or even believe in ESP, but I consider myself empathic. Aware of my surroundings, sometimes too aware. Like with people, my brain can't not be thinking about them if I am around them. It's kind of like that with all animals too though, but sucks in large groups of people. It's like all the conversations around me come in at the same level.. leading to another overload of sorts. It's good with only a couple of people around me, less my brain is focusing on. I had a boss who used to think I was some sort of mind reader, mostly jokingly cause I'd feel the need to explain why I wasn't. I could be there doing my work and still take notice of those around me, and if I ever see them looking for something I end up thinking about what they could be thinking about. There were times where I could just tell that he was looking for his lighter or keys. Times where I'd see a coworker looking for something and I think about what it is and pick out the most logical answer and just blurt out where it is if I knew, and most of the time I am right. Won't lie, I get it wrong sometimes, but more often right. Sometimes weirds people out.. I get accused of sneaking up on people a lot, when I am really just a quiet walker. That seems to be somewhat common with those with a streak of autism, walking on the fronts of their feet to not draw attention to their presence.. animalistic behavior.
 
Kind of taking a shot in the dark here in hopes that the OP is similar too, and still soaring with us, cause I think the reason that it seems to be a condition on the rise is a combination of raising awareness and it actually growing. It's a condition that's easy to feel alone with, but no one ever really is. It's kind of ironic, but social media seems to be the reason for the rise in awareness and one of the many factors for it's actual increase. Before the internet, people with it kind of kept it to themselves more.. but are now getting whats inside out more. Also before the internet though, people were forced into more face to face, social situations.. which are important to strengthen emotional connections.
 
I also dislike having my photo taken, and if I believed I had a soul, I'd feel like being videotaped was stealing my soul.. I was asked once to give a video opinion on something and I wouldn't do it. Just the thought of it is enough to make me look like I seen a ghost.

 

I'm going to toke one up and go for  along walk and just let my mind wander. I suggest you do the same.

 

then just walk.

 

this isn't true exactly. I watched an interesting Ted talks about porn addiction.

Turns out addiction in general, or more accurately, a lifestyle of pleasure and endulgence; leads to dopamine tolerance.

If you are to happy or focus too much on being happy and ignoring or avoiding unpleasant things, your overall happiness will be weak.

Happyness is about balance and self.control

I realize this isn't what you.meant tho. Living optimistically and not obsessing over negative things is also important.

Sent from my LG-E739 using Grasscity Forum mobile app

 

try a cold shower today.

 

Well at the end of the day some people are fucking hopeless.
 
Are you?
 
*points finger at you*

 

Consider supplementing your diet with folic acid and vitamin b12
 
 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15671130

 

I love you man....thats first and foremost. 
 
We can uplift you here with words, but that will also only be a temporary fix to your own specific situation, the permanent fix is your own self realization of the problem.  It must be found on your own.  I've also had the same thoughts as you have...and I'm happy to say I've transcended them even though they still pop up from time to time.  The only difference now is that I know what those feelings are.
 
I know you probably don't want to hear this at the moment, but meditation is your key to happiness and getting rid of all this mind chatter thats going on upstairs causing this depression.  Sit somewhere quiet and allow the mind to settle down so you can actually find out where this depression is coming from.  Trace this feeling of depression.  Trace it back to it's origin point in your mind.  See for yourself where it's arising.  Once you find it and look at where it's arising from directly, it immediately dissolves into nothing.  Looking at it directly is the way to deal with it, putting band-aids over it or attempting to avoid feelings by way of entertainment, sex, or other pleasures will always cause it to come back stronger in the future.  Shine your light of awareness DIRECTLY on it...then it's exposed as the play of energy and the dance of life that it always was.  It's just your interpretation of those feelings or energies that's got you wanting to do something physical to an occurrence in your mind that is ultimately non-physical.  You will eventually find out that depression is just another abstract feeling like feeling hungry or anxious, it's something intangible.  Like I said, the best way to do this is to quiet the mind first, and Vipassana meditation seems to work best...please try it before you dismiss it.
 
This is the million dollar question... When this depression comes up inside you and you recognize this feeling of depression, to 'whom' is this feeling of depression arising 'to'?  If you realize that your brain is giving you this feeling of depression, then there must be someone there who's recognizing this feeling of depression or else why would the depression have the need to produce itself or even exist in the first place?  It can't exist without you, so therefore by using simple logic you can understand that you ARE separate and NOT the feeling of depression...you are the awareness OF the depression.  It's like the green color on a tree.  The only reason why we see it as green is because our eyes are only able to see the 1 color on the color spectrum being reflected back to us in a particular wave-length, however in actuality, there is no color, only what the eyes decide to produce to our brain via electrical impulses.  Other mammals see the same object, only in ultraviolet, and of course some people are colorblind and can't distinguish colors at all..  The point is, the eyes' interpretation of the color is useless without YOU there to recognize it and become witness of it.     
 
When the feeling of depression comes up, it's more than likely because you feel a sense of unworthiness due to social expectations on what we humans have decided to agree upon as 'how things are supposed to be/act/live', but I can tell you that NO ONE has life figured out and there never was a way in which things were 'supposed' to go...there's just wishful thinking and agreed upon norms throughout the years for comfortability/societal purposes. 
 
Life is a gift, you were given this body and this conscious awareness without a choice in the matter.  Why end this beautiful, unique, one of a kind expression of life inside you thats continuously life-ing through you at this moment?  Not many people get to live till 80, life can end in any moment.  Enjoy it while it lasts because no one knows what happens when this physical existence is over.  You don't know the alternative, so just bask in what 'is'.  
 
  "We can view depression not as a mental illness, but as a state of deep rest, entered into when we've become exhausted by the weight of the false story we have come to believe about ourselves" -Jeff Foster   

 

Great to hear man. Therapists are really underrated. They can help so much.

One more thing. Meditate!!! It'll make you feel amazing and you'll find some wisdom locked away in your mind.


"I'm to drunk, to taste this chicken" -Talladega nights

 

Every struggle in life is there to teach you a lesson. Don't let negative thoughts take control of who you really are, because there is a point in everyone's life where we feel helpless and alone. Live this life you have been given, we are all beings going through this life and each and every one of us was put here for a reason, don't throw it away.

 

well put. This can fix everybody

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It would be real easy to give up wouldn't it. To give in to everyone that said you would never amount to anything. Because that is what you would be doing, allowing everyone that picked on you and called you FREAK to win. Do you want your loved ones to live in a world with those monsters that caused you to take your life?!
 
GET MAD
GET FURIOUS
 
These fuckers pushed you and pushed you and now you are going to press esc and quit.
 
Don't let them win. Take off that mask you have been hiding behind and come down from that ledge.
 
Go on and make life your bitch.