I try not to put too much information about the happenings of my daily life out on the internet, unlike my mother who post every second to her Facebook. I just felt that most people really aren't interested in hearing me, and I've never been interested in telling them. But I just need to vent. Today has been pretty awful. The most basic reason is that I failed a drug test for probation, which I shouldn't have. I failed it for ETG, which is found in urine after alcohol consumption. The only thing is, I don't drink. I've never been a big drinker. Not in a long time, anyway. And even when I was not on probation, I only had three nights a year when I'd go and get drunk (I've never been one for casual drinking; if I'm drinking, it's to get drunk). Usually St. Patty's Day, the 4th of July, and New Year's Eve. But seeing as how I'm on probation, I've been abstaining. And it's not like I struggle to. I don't mind not drinking. I miss the herb everyday, but drinking is no big deal. And I assure you that if I were to take such a risk with my probation, it would NOT be wasted on alcohol. Upon receiving the notice via mail about my failed drug test I decided to do some research. It finds out that ETG can be found in just about any liquid that contains sugar (there's just higher amounts in alcohol), and even the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration says that the test are "too inaccurate to be reliable". So why the state decides to use that form of testing is beyond me. My best guess is because the conservative dip-shits of this God-forsaken state (Alabama) have decided to apply their climate change ideology of "Fuck Science" here as well. And the worst part is that I've been on this bullshit for a year already and had only eight weeks left. Who fucking knows how much longer I'll get after this bullshit. Not to mention that everything was falling into place. My fiancé and I just had our first baby two months ago. I'm getting a new job in September, and we were about to rent a house. It'd be different if I had actually did something to cause this. I have a very "I fucked up, now move forward" attitude. But I didn't even do shit to deserve this. Aside from that, I've just had a "down" feeling all day. I have very low self-esteem, which is something you wouldn't know by talking to me. I come across as a big, confident, strong guy, but I've had a feeling of worthlessness drilled into me for years via my mother, step-father, community, and poor inner-city schools. I've come leaps and bounds from where I used to be, but I still am just feeling horrible. I often feel as if I'm a sub-par father, and an inconsiderate partner to my fiancé. My fiancé try to insure me that neither of those are true, but the feelings still linger. I often don't even tell her about them because I don't want to sound like I'm trying to bring pity on myself. I just get really down. Thank you for listening. I apologize if this bothered anybody, and congrats to whomever made it all the way through. ~StayLifted
The test was taken over three weeks ago. It just takes the system forever to get the results to me. ~StayLifted
From june 20th 2013 till a couple weeks ago I have been 100% clean and sober. Did 6 months of drug test and rehab, mandatory AA/NA meetings. Stayed clean and sober for a year. Still don't drink, it was killing me big time. I would have a fucking cow if any of them were dirty. It was tough to stay sober while growing the shit out of the bud. Now I like dabs of hash oil.
Try to fight it, but if that doesn't work don't dwell on it. If you truly didn't drink, you got fucked up by an unjust system. But thinking about it constantly and feeling bad about yourself won't have a positive effect. Remember that life is all peaks and valleys. Though it may seem like you are in a shitty place right now, you will not be forever. Life is a cycle of feeling good and feeling bad. Just focus on being the best father and fiance you can right now. Also, try getting in to talk to a psychologist. It can be extremely helpful.
Talk to your therapist about it. Vent your anger with him. Come up with a rational and undetrimental way to deal with this. Keep your prioities straight. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you already have the sense to be talking to a therapist. Sounds to me like you are on the right path. Good luck!
man im real sorry this is happening to you. you are one of the many being affected by the unjust system like macka b said. i really hope you fight this and win, its fucked up that they use an inaccurate way to determine if people have been drinking or not on probation. and i think its bullshit that you cant drink when on probation if you havent committed a violent crime, haven't had DUI's, haven't had a history of being a belligerent drunk or have been a total piece of shit alcoholic in general. im not judging you at all, and i dont know shit about your past or why you're on probation. you seem like a nice guy, and i hope the best for you, your girl, and your kid man. i hope they see that you are doing good and you're being productive and supporting a family. thats something they should really take into consideration, your kid, your fiance, your job, and all that. because we're all human. we arent perfect and we can all fuck up sometimes and if you fail ONE drug test for drinking when you really didnt, it shouldnt fuck everything up after you've been clean for so long. and you dont have to apologize for venting man, a few of us here vent out some shit we really shouldnt, me especially haha. theres always someone here at the city to support you or talk to you. we're kindof like one big dysfunctional pot smoking family.
I'm on probation for nothing more than the a little herb. About a G was left in a sack that a cop found in my car. ~StayLifted Thank you everyone. You Blades are truly great, and I appreciate you all. ~StayLifted
An Update for all those who replied: It turns out the dumb asses in the courts sent me someone else's drug test results... ~StayLifted