So I have been struggling with my feelings about my boyfriend for quite some time and I am not sure what to do! He is the best person I've ever been with. Treats me so well, is kind, compassionate, understanding, we have a lot of the same interests and ambitions. But starting a few months ago, I've pretty much lost all physical attraction to him. I enjoy being around him and hanging out and doing things, but he can't turn me on whatsoever. I think part of it is because he dresses like a complete slob. He literally owns two pairs of paints. One with a giant hole in them. And then another pair of nasty black jeans. He also only wears the same 3 t-shirts that he's obviously had from middle/high school (he's 22). One is a Pokemon one, and the other two are something else dumb. Also his hair looks like his mother's hair but greasier which is not at all hot. I understand that he's not about the consumerist, looks are everything, bullshit society we live in where people have to buy new clothes all the god damn time and only wear them a few times, but I can't handle it anymore. I know if I brought it up to him he'd change, but if that's who he wants to be he shouldn't have to change. I don't want him to be self-conscious about who he is. Like I said, I love everything else about him, but the only time I can even consider having sex is when I'm really fucking stoned. I definitely don't think looks are the most important things in a relationship, but if I'm not attracted, I'm not attracted. Should I tell him? Should I move on? Or should I just get stoned every single time he wants to fuck?
Definitely a possibility! She's hot! But she's also a probation officer so I'll pass on that. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
Yes, you should tell him lol. He won't change if you don't say something. But don't expect him to change cause sounds like he was like this before you two met.
In all seriousness you should definitely tell him, a reality check cant hurt too much. Say you were to leave him tomorrow you think he would have an easy time finding a new girlfriend? Also im curious to where(if) he works to allow him to carry himself in the manner you explained. Suggest he go out get a haircut, some new clothes, pair of shoes, and work on his hygiene I'm guessing.
He was KIND of like this before we met. But not nearly as much. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
You're right. A reality check would probably be doing him a favor. I am just afraid to hurt him. And I'm also afraid of telling him and him changing and my attraction to him never coming back, which in that case, I wouldn't be comfortable staying with him. Putting all of this out there now seems dumb because the answer seems obvious that I should tell him. Crazy what holding in doubts and feelings can do. In my head, everything seemed way more complicated.
Wow that sounds like me. I've lost my fashion sense, and I used to be the fashion police. Maybe he's depressed. For me I just hate thinking about clothes anymore. I have a T shirt, hoodie, jeans and flannel I love, so I always wear them. If someone who loved me picked some clothes for me to wear, I'd do it. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I suggest you buy him some clothes you find attractive so long as they aren't waaaaaaaaaaaaay different than what he usually wears. He might get the point. Also just simply tell him that you wish he would take care of his appearance a bit more because his lack of effort is unattractive. It happens when people get comfy, he'll understand.
And I get that that's how some people are. And I am totally like that too. I haven't bought any clothes other than from St.Vinny's for YEARS. If you have clothes that you wear all the time and are comfortable in thats fine. But his are falling to pieces. His sweatshirts have holes in the elbows and his jeans have holes in the knees.
That's a really good way of saying it. I've been struggling to find the words that wouldn't be too harsh. But his lack of effort being unattractive. I like that.
Just pick him up something while you're at Vincent's or goodwill. I bet hell love it Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
My jeans are falling apart, too. One wrong toe move when I'm sliding them on and it could be history! Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Also I know it sounds lame but the wife and I like to go hunting at 2nd hand stores for clothing. It's really awesome when you find a cool shirt or pants that you really like for cheap. Maybe that's something the 2 of you would enjoy as well.
Dang, I think I need to get back into the swing of things. The ladies might not like the mr. Mom look (on a chick nonetheless) Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I think I now have the answer I was looking for! Thank you everyone! It's so good to get new perspectives on this because I have been approaching it the same way for a long time and have been making it way too complicated in my mind when it's really not.
I know, right?!! Feel the toe in a hole and hear a riiiiip.. Argh! I lve ruined a few jeans that way.. Rips from knees to ankles Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum