Youre Masturbate Routine?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by bluntfists, Apr 15, 2014.

  1. #1 bluntfists, Apr 15, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 15, 2014
    ok guys I am curious if I am a average whacker or not. tell me you're routine. lube? no lube? where do you dispense the jelly? Take ur time or do speed runs? anything in the routine you might think is weird or not?
     
         I am a dry man although I do like some lube from time to time. I prefer to watch some porn but first thing in the morning is my norm. when I was a teenager I would use a tube sock to cum in. would have a pack of the fuckers that I would use for the only purpose of beating off in my room. these days I normally do it in the shower or into a tissue. don't know always been a don't ask don't tell kind of thing for me.  and most days I am speedy Gonzales.
     
    also girls if you wish to post the routine by all means =)

     
  2. Get horny, flick the bean, cum, sleep.
     
  3. First I fry up some steak. The smell makes me hungry.
     
    Then I eat some crackers. The crunch of crackers reminds me of that time I had sex, and there was a whole packet of crackers under the bed and when we were bouncing on the mattress, crackers would crack. 
     
    Then I stick a whole can of tuna up my butthole. Idk, I'm just fucked up.
     
    Then I lather butter all over my penis, rub my penis all over the pan and cook some pancakes. Pancakes are the shit.
     
    Then I lather up my hand with oil, and go to town.
     
  4. Go dry or go home.


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  5. never understood the sock thing... are you scared of semen?
     
  6. I'm really particular and anal about my masturbation routine so don't judge. Most days I have to be on my bed, laying on my stomach, with a pair of underwear on (undies are a must), a pillow under my chin, my left hand holding my phone (where I usually watch my cum in throat compilations on), right hand doing the business. And then when I'm high, I can pretty much use or do anything to get me off. More often than not, excessive bed humping ^_^

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  7. Why is that?
     
  8. Really I'm not quite that sure. Bare skin on bare skin just feels weird to me. I'm weird. I know.

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  9. Interesting!
     
    As a mother of 3, I can't be too picky about my routine!lol
     
    My usualy routine is in my bedroom right after work, as quick as I possibly can before I shower.  If I'm all alone, I like to watch some pornography, then lay in bed and fantasize.
     
  10. I'm a 'masturbate routine'?
     
  11. Easier and more concealable when your living with roommates. Blow your load in the sock, wipe your dick off, throw it in the dirty clothes and then go to sleep. Easy.
     
    I beat off literally as much as I can. It is a little compulsive, yes. But I honestly don't get to do it that much. I have a roommate who is pretty much always in the room and we share a bathroom with other people. The bathroom sort of echos the sounds of the lotion squishing around between my fingers and dick. This makes it loud as fuck... So I don't do it in the bathroom anymore... I just have to wait for my roommate to leave. Which, speak of the devil... BRB...
     
  12. Normal routine, Wake, Bake, yank: 6:00am
    Then again in the bathroom at work; 11:00am
    Then after work; 3:00pm. At 4:20 I bake yank then sit outside in the nude. I then proceed to ride a dildo I screwed to a wall(While yanking of corse) Sometimes I cook a pizza then cut a hole in it and use it like a cone around my yanker. Clean up around 6:30 then my sister gets home and I go to bed.
     
  13. Women use me as a masturbation technique :ey:


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  14.  I get naked, wear my boxers as a hat, get on the top of my roof at sunset and caw out LOUD, "TIME TO JERK O--OOOOFFFF!" like a rooster.
     
  15. mostly in the mornings. Its hard to be walking around with a hard on telling your family "Good Morning :)"
     
  16.  Lol reminds me of the 40 year old virgin.. haha
     
  17. the only thing that i can say is routine about my routine is bassy music , i need it , the sound of a bass guitar turns me on , sometimes ill watch alittle porn but im usually good without it. 
     
  18. Turn on shower. Go to anal porn. Apply lotion. Jerk off for a bout a minute (who am I trying to please but myself) cum into the shower. Turn porn off. Play music. Walk into the shower. Feet get sticky.
     
  19. Idk what else people are gonna say besides
    Watch porn
    Choke the chicken
    Squirt wipe
     

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