So here's my story- A week ago I had to take a pre-employment drug screening for a job that's ran by the city. I got all the papers I needed from my new employer and headed to my favorite neighborhood smoke shop and picked up a "Monkey Whizz" synthetic urine kit. The Monkey Whizz includes a belt with an attached plastic bladder that holds the synthetic urine. On the bladder is a thermometer to assure the perfect temperature when performing the test. It also comes with 2 heating pads, although you'll only use one, to heat the urine to 98-100 degrees. I put the belt on under my underwear and jeans and attached a heating pad just as the instructions stated (approx an hour and a half before the test. About 45 mins after putting the belt on I checked the temp- it was exactly 98.6. Perfect! I then proceeded to go to the testing site and handed the receptionist my papers. She signed a few things, filled in a few blanks and handed it back to me. I, of course read everything before signing and I noticed she checked 2 boxes that read "Pre-Emplyment Urine Screening" and "Other - 8 Panel". This freaked me out instantly because I was confident the Monkey Whizz would work for a pre-employment screening because the quality of those kinds of tests aren't nearly as high as other tests such as probation drug test, or some other not so lax test. I signed it anyway, crossing my fingers and went to the back where the doctor had me unwrap the seal on the cup and she then explained all of the rules including not to flush or I would have to re-take, empty my pockets, etc. I went into the bathroom and slid the door shut (my testing site bathroom had a sliding wooden door, lap corps and quest diagnostics do not. It's much more secure and private at a lab corn or quest) I then sat on the toilet and peed so when she came in to check there would be some in the toilet. As I was peeling I un-clipped the hose and the 99 degree synthetic urine poured easily out of the hose and into the cup. I filled the cup about 3/4 of the way and still had some synthetic urine left in the plastic bladder. To avoid the remaining synthetic urine in the bladder from leaking all over the inside of my pants- I reclippd the clips on the hose to reseal it. PLEASE NOTE- the clips make a noise when being clipped closed but they do not make noise when being un-clipped open. Since she was standing right outside of the sliding door I had to be sure she didn't hear me clip it closed so I coughed as I clipped it shut. I pulled my pants back up, zipped, and opened the door- smiled and handed her my cup. She smiled back, checked a few boxes on the form, sealed my cup, had me initial, handed me my papers, and off I went. After getting to my car I examined the papers closely. The box she checked read "Was the temperature between 90 and 100 degrees within 4 minutes of urinating?" She checked yes, which was a huge sign of relief. Everything worked out perfectly, it was actually pretty damn easy. I was still nervous the following 3 days because I wasn't confident that synthetic was going to work on an 8 panel test. I called the Monkey Whizz customer care center and the representative assured me that as long as the temperature was between 90 and 100 degrees that they would take it from there. He explained that synthetic urine is still urine, it has all of the components of human urine- it's just made in a lab. This calmed me down a little bit, but I still spent the next 3 days searching the internet for actual first hand stories of people that used Monkey Whizz. I'm not sure if I'm a terrible "googler" or if there's a very limited amount of reviews for Monkey Whizz but I thought I'd share my story and calm someone else's nerves like I wish someone could have for me. So here it is, whoever you are, breathe! This is a very easy way to pass a drug test if you're a heavy smoker like me and know detox will not work on your THC saturated body lol. Just remember, stay calm, don't look nervous or suspicious, be careful when RE-CLIPPING it makes a very small noise. Once you're out of the testing place and they have released you Monkey Whizz will do the rest, so relaxxxxxx and take a hit from the bong, you're gonna pass just fine. P.S. You're obviously searching the internet as you have come across this thread. STOP searching, 90 percent of what you find is from people that have no idea what they're talking about, or people who tell you smoking is bad, or people trying to convince you to be clean instead and blahblahblah. I'm a very experienced smoker and this is my first hand story on what worked for me. I hope it helps you! #MaryJaneOrDie Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Paragraphs would have been nice! Also please remember, that the drug test makers are doing their best to foil the synthetic urines! So the newer kinds are better! example- A procedure for the detection of Stealth adulterant in urine samples. (abst – 2002) http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12776774 You wouldn't want to use Stealth, unless they have changed their formula since 2002. (I expect they have, or gone out of business) Granny
Granny took the words out of my mouth, paragraphs dude. Makes reading a lot easier. While we have you and all your expertise here Granny, what would YOU recommend for passing a drug test? I'm Canadian so I'm safe from that Draconian shit for now, but you never know. We adopt what's "hot" in the states a few years late so maybe it'll be here soon. A few cases have been taken to provincial supreme courts already. Alberta supreme court ruled that it's fine to test workers who work with heavy machinery while Ontario decided it's a violation of rights no matter what sector you work in. I haven't been able to find any info on other provinces. If you have any, please share! BC in particular, as I'm moving there soon. Would be hilarious to watch every business in BC lose ALL of its workers overnight
I was on my cell phone typing that entire thread. I could see a total of about 10 lines at a time so I couldn't really gauge paragraphs well; I just wanted to let people know what worked for me because there was nothing else out there I could find when freaking out. Instead of trying to correct my writing style or grammar why don't you just read the contents of it and appreciate that I was as detailed as I could have been on a mobile device. To anyone else, hope this helped and my lack of paragraphs wasn't too hard on your eyes. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I personally just used the whizz kit fo r a pre employment test, in Alberta. I trimmed the tube to about 6 inches. so I out the belt nice and low so no white would be showing, it's was touching the top of my penis. so I went in the room undid my belt pulled the tube through the pee hole, cracked the clamps and off you go. I filled yo the line and and dumped the rest in the toilet pushing on the bladder on and off to simulate the real deal. When re clamping stretch the clip out a bit so you can bring the clamp in then let the clip go gently and no noise what so ever. I suggest practicing with them at home before the day of. used one heating pad for 2 hours it was at temp after 40 mins. When I was done I had to do the physical, so I had to change behind a sheet. As we know the belt is fastened with velcro, so I slid my boxers off and slid it off while changing into my shorts, no sound. All in all I would use these for the future time and time again for pre employment as well as keep one on hand just in case there was ever an incident. I have heard of guys taping it to their dick for supervised tests. If you are on parole or probation do the right thing and stay away from the dope. I would never use any of these units for a test with a spectator. I was so worried and couldn't find enough info online to calm myself down, so I am doing my part in helping guys in similar situations. The one thing that out my mind at ease was this is alberta, if I failed or got busted I would go down the road and get another job and pee again tomorrow no big deal. don't stress it's a dead give away and you can notice it, don't ask questions or make small talk. These people do this everyday and are trained to spot all the warning signs. well guys I did my part now I am off to burn a spliff the size of my forearm.
I have a drug test tomorrow and I plan on using the Monkey Whizz flask version. Just a couple things are worrying me.. 1. Has anyone used this product with an ecup test? 2. It says on the instructions that I can microwave it, do you think microwaving it multiple times will effect the pee as long as I haven't already broken the seal? I'm 95% confident it will work, its that 5% that is driving me crazy.
The flasks scare me she made me flip my pockets inside out and lift up my pant legs and step out of my shoes. for the extra couple bucks use the harness system and be safe. I have read people batching about the 50 us dollars or whatever it cost I paid 64 canadian and will do it over and over especially for a 6 figure plus job. what's 69 bucks. I have heard microwaving is ok but I would count on it. For your own piece of mind buy the whizz kit or similar and use it. I got mine to 98 degrees in 40 mins. took it off, took a shower and put it on, it was still at 94 after almost half an hour and ba Co up to 98 within 10 mins. my best advice ever when talking about this stuff is, don't cheap out you get what you pay for. Also the whizz kit is reusable
TLDR. What I will say, is that synthetic urine only works for certain types of drug tests. I would recommend looking up what kind of drug test you are going to take, and see if it tests for synthetics or not.
If you are using synthetics in canada, the new quick fix has uric acid that how they check. The synthetic urine is actually the calibration fluid they use for their machine. I don't know why anyone would want to put out a half ass product, it just won't work
I've read many testimonials that monkey whizz works, I have a friend that has used it to pass 10 drug test, 2 a month for the past 5 months and had beat it every time. I know it has uric acid mixed in as well. My real question was the ecup with synthetics as a whole, as well as microwaving.
Scotty 1984, do you know if the synthetic urines (Quick Fix 5.7-1 in particular) will pass a lab test in BC (Canada)? I did do a 'search' and can't find enough people on here trying to pass tests in BC? I'm worried that our standards for lab tests are stricter (obviously, given that they test for the uric acid already when some states don't) and I won't pass my tests with the Quick Fix. Thanks.
I've never seen so many obvious troll MonkeyDick salesmen, or whatever the fuck pitching so many sales to no one in the same place, at the same time...while so stoned...it's amazing.
I'm upset you think I'm a salesman. I had my temperature right and I'm a lot more relieved that it's done. It's the hardest test ive ever taken. I'll post results soon
Thank you for this post. It is posts like these that made me create an account because they've helped my peace of mind. I have used Monkey Whizz successfully on three separate occasions. I just recently took a PE screen and used Whizz Kit and was looking for reviews. I will find out the results by Wednesday. Of course I'm a little nervous but that comes with the territory. I know this post is old but oh well. It helped me
My friend just used one and passed, but he did say it was sketchy. He didn't have the harness and he had to unscrew the cap while the employer was watching him piss. Other than that everything went well.