check it yo, got some words for yall

i)

the dullest of dwellings
from whence there's shone the brightest light
the truest beauties of the plight
are not seen in mansion walls
rather writ on bathroom stalls
 
a stoic vessel enters port
bent and haggard her rapport
but never greater joy does see
than does her crew
arriving safely


ii)

Here He Lies the whitest dove
  sent with peace from up above
still he clasps the olive branch
a symbol for the brightest glimpse
an effigy to light and love
 
iii)
 
empty thoughts, bleeding mine
eat the bread, drink the wine
the ascent of dissent, no decent state of mind

 

only that hard white!

i'll take that as a compliment

but yeah, any more direct feedback is much appreciated!

 

thanks buddha_man ... i haven't seen the stuff i wrote up there in a long time until now.. i'll try and rework it..

I think some of what I write may be better suited to slam poetry or something ... it always seems better when i say it out loud