Do you ever feel like dying?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Chinajewelry, Apr 30, 2013.

  1. Not necessarily killing yourself, but just..not being alive.

    I struggle with depression and have taken Anti depressants for the past 3 years, and about 5 weeks ago, my closest, best friend and the person I loved more than anything in the world died, so. I have found myself having this compulsive thought over and over in my head that just says "I want to die, I want to die, I want to die" and sometimes it comes out of nowhere when I thought I was feeling fine, and it surprises me.

    I don't think that I would ever kill myself, mostly because I simply don't have the courage for it. I don't think I could ever bring myself to do it.

    But I don't really want to either, I don't focus of suicide or think about a plan for it.

    I just don't want to be alive a lot of the time.

    There's a difference. And I'm not writing this to 'get attention', or even to look for help. I just don't feel like I can tell anyone I know because they would be concerned for my safety (and I don't expect any less, but why would I want to worry them?) and it's been on my mind a lot. Even when my depression was out of control before I sought out help, I don't recall having this repetitive, uncontrollable thought like I do now.

    And as for you?
     
  2. Is it possible you're just over analyzing it? Not your friends death, (R.I.P.) but just the thought popping up?

    Maybe not. But know this: suicide is a cowards way out. It doesn't take a man to end it, IMO. It takes a man (or woman) to stand up when the bullshit is over, brush that off, and keep rolling. Even if it means, no pun intended, starting from the bottom.

    Not saying you're going for that, just my 0.02 cent ramble. Anyways, sorry for your loss. Keep pushing tho, who knows, maybe it was meant in part to make you stronger.

    Edit: oh, my bad. And to answer the question, yeah, I've thought it over. I think most normal people do. But it's nothing I'd consider let alone even attempt. Been thru dark places and back but the light is well worth it.
     
  3. My question to you is what makes standing up and fighting it better? If in the end the result is the same whose to say which is better?

    I feel you op. A lot throught the day ill think the same thing. Not that I neccesaraly wanna kill myself, just I would be ok if I went to sleep and didn't wake up
     
  4. I find any sort of depression can be made worse by dehydration, a bad diet, not getting the proper vitamins, not working out..

    Invest some time into yourself and see how you feel and most importantly eat healthy and drink the daily required amount of water, if you don't have those 2 things your brain is gonna get fucked with.
     
  5. Been there, done that. Life can't be always good, there are bad times too and frankly, that's the only way to show yourself what you're made of. I understand your frustration, it's only natural at this point, however it WILL get better eventually, if you give it some time. Think of it this way: There must be a reason it was somebody else and not you.. try and grasp that idea and you'll see what I mean for yourself. Think about cutting down on the weed a bit for some time too, it'll do you no good. Focus on making something better, no matter what it is and try telling yourself that tomorrow WILL be better, whether you believe it or not. Sometimes it's all in our head. Much love and remember, life is what you make it. Much love and stay strong.
     
  6. only when the drugs are done.
     
  7. I have yes, I think everyone has... Some people mean it more than others and act and others push through it and try and be happy. I have a suicidle brother who tried killing himself when I was the only one in the house, its a horrible thing to come across especially when your friend hung himself in your hangout spot for you to find him and tell their parents.

    I have a dark past and sometimes really hate the world, I would never kill myself though, I get through it and think happily and how I saved my brothers life.

    Eat healthy aswell and you'll notice a differance... Trust me :)
     
  8. #8 didier12, Apr 30, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2013
    Yeah all the time it's the logical option, I mean we're all just working away our lives working 5 days to spend 2 and on sunday you're depressed because it's monday tomorrow so it's basically like one day of enjoyment. But hey just ignorantly parade through it until you trick yourself in to thinking it's all worth while like the rest of us.

    Edit: But nah seriously although what I said above is true, try cutting down on weed to weekend use only if you're smoking it everyday. Smoking it everyday makes you very intolerant to all the shit around after a while.
     
  9. That i feel like dying...
     
  10. A few suicide attempts under my belt...yes. Yes, I do occasionally feel like dying. In fact, the last time I came to in the hospital and was upset that I'd failed at the attempt again. Meds were adjusted so no suicide ideation as of now.
     
  11. Well I can relate a bit. I'm bipolar manic depressant level 2, so I just have some days that I wonder what this world/life is all about. I wonder why I'm here and whats my purpose. Once you find what you love and do it daily (I'm not talking about smoking either) it should help clarify these thoughts. Best of luck OP...

    It isn't Rocket Science, just Quantum Physics...
     

  12. my last attempt they deemed as "real" and i landed 2 weeks in the state psych ward...


    i've since, "dealt" with that demon.. i now control it.. which i know is slippery slope.. but i know that..

    and i deal...

    psych ward really brought some shit to light in my life.

    i tried by drinking an entire bottle of maleo-something... ant poison, liquid.. it's a miracle i didnt die, i was in sepsis, my breathing shut down.. well, to the point of 2 short breaths every 2 minutes (that's what they told me) for 18 hours, on the ground (i was there, i know it's real) but somehow i came back.. i even remember "hearing" my brain start back up... it sounded like the most amazing computer system you can imagine... analog, then digital sounds.. like an old modem.. then my audio, then my vision, then the metaphysical side... then.. rejoice in God.. that's how the boot up process goes... since then i completely changed everything.. i still work in the aetheric side (the occult) and i still practice what you'd call "wicca" "witchcraft" i just realized some shit is on my side.. some shit capable of life and death, of heaven and hell.. that's where i am now.. awake, ascended, the light.. whatever you wanna call it.. shined on me HARD that day.
     
  13. I feel you op. Not sure a lot of people here read your post though. Clearly says you don't want to commit suicide. Sometimes life just gets a bit overwhelming and you wanna take a break. Like, sleep for an extended period of time. Or go to bed and by no doing of your own, just not wake up the next day.
     
  14. when the drugs are done, yes
     
  15. "Do you ever feel like dying"
    Something that's relevant to this question.
    "Do you ever have voices in your mind turning you against yourself, becoming your own worst enemy, forcing you to make you want to die?"

    Your mind can do the craziest of things, can't it.
     
  16. while everyone is entitled to their own opinion, i just want to say that while most people think its a cowards way out, is it REALLY fair to the person who is genuinely struggling to want to stay alive to just live for other people?

    I totally get that sometimes life is overwhelming and the thought of "it'd be better if I was dead" can be thought by almost anyone/everyone - there are some that genuinely struggle with this thought and continue to live in a world just to not hurt those around them and all that really does is cause more depression and also resentment towards those you love.

    Im not trying to argue here by any means, you are absolutely entitled to your opinion I just have a very different one.

    To the OP
    Yes. Often. Mostly when I'm in a lot of pain though and it seems unbearable to get out of bed to walk or move in whatever way. You're definitely not alone.
     
  17. Cowards way out pfft, that's just something ignorant people say, sometimes with sub conscious motives to make themselves feel stronger for still being alive.
     
  18. I feel like dying every morning when getting up for school
     
  19. I suffer from that same type of depression. As long as i am stoned and have weed, I have something to look forward to. Without weed, the depression sets in and i dont want to get out of bed.
     
  20. Religion - palo or santero??

    It isn't Rocket Science, just Quantum Physics...
     

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