This is a bad idea OP for you will have regrets. You don't seem to have the right state of mind to actually learn anything. You will not gain any wisdom if you force yourself into a situation.
You must let go of these worries that burden you before you can progress to any further state. Meaning you need to let go and lose control. Let the universe beat you to a pulp and re-animate toward whatever it is your seeking.
I say rob a bank and give it to a hobo or something. [Please remember these are words coming from a complete stranger that most likely has not a care in the world for your safety.]
Please just do not involve anyone else or allow for any harm to come to others.
This is a really bad idea and as someone whos read into the works of X I suggest you realize you are taking this way out of context. If you're not crazy you would just volunteer at a homeless shelter and make some friends but hey.
I hope it works out brother.