You need therapy. Talking therapy. It's not going to fix things but it will help you get your thoughts straight while they are so confused and foggy. And yes it does come in cycles. And it's perfectly normal to be sexually numb. Go for cuddling. It soothes the inner child. You've been through a huge trama. And it's effects are not going to easily go away. Because you have PTSD. Just like me.
I know I need therapy but being sole wage earner how am I supposed to do that? I can't afford anything extra even if it was on a sliding scale. Work is getting harder to do, I have problems dealing with people and I work with the public all day. I feel weak considering that a simple trip has me stressed out so much. I wish that the State of Oregon would of helped me out considering I was a victim of violent crime but no, they won't help me out and the justice system is a joke. I was wronged, I was a victim and I was not at fault yet I still have nothing to show at least I deserve a settlement. I will never be the same, past of me died that day. I might not be able to continue working, to support my family and that is sickening to me. I got that taken from me as well as my health. It pisses me off. Now I have to go back to Oregon and have a dr who's paid by the insurance company tell me there is nothing wrong with me. I want justice and I'll probably never get it.
Oh I completely understand. I'm in Oregon and grew up here and have intimate knowledge of the fuckery of the system here. But at your new place, they might be able to help you more. I know Iowa has killer medical. Oregon not so much. So check out your area. Make some calls to the mental health people there and they should be able to at least give you some ideas. The least you can do us find the PTSD support group online, they can provide some help there until you can get everything else straight. Take omega 3 pills and smoke weed. It's been helping me with handling the flash backs. It might help you. ( props to granny for the knowledge bomb) I just don't want you to give up cause I know it's fucking hard as hell just to get through the day. But you can make it. I believe in you! =^.^=
I've having a dark day today. Sometimes I feel like it would of been easier for everyone if I died that day instead of being this monster I've became. In a way I got what I wanted by pushing everyone away.
The headaches, migranes, and pain I get from the attack I can easily deal with. The emotional pain however I've no idea and I feel like I'm lost, forever wandering, running through a valley of smoke and mirrors.
I have come to hate PTSD especially the night terrors. Whenever i have a nightmare it fucks with how i feel all day. I really do feel for you and hope things get better .
The part I hate the most is that this head injury changed my personality. I am still angry that someone tried to kill me for my sexuality. I'm angry that the police didn't take it seriously, nor did our justice system making me feel like to them I'm just another degenerate homosexual. I guess it's my fault for holding on the the naive thought that humans actually give two shots about one another...my bad. I know I'm being childish but it's not fair, nobody served any time for my pain hit I had to deal with it everyday while the person that did this is somewhere probably enjoying their life, not dealing with pain, trust issues and all this bullshit. Somedaya it's hard for me to get out of bed, I was always a good worker now I struggle daily.
I always say that I'll talk then I do for a few days then I retreat back into numbness. Yet I know I do this and I continue with my self destructive ways. My emotions more often than not feel alien to me, I don't really know how to deal. I was going to a PTSD forum, I got banned, was helping too. Perhaps I should write even if it doesn't make sense, nor rhyme or reason, I worry so much about sounding stupid with emotions. Most people can emote quite easily.
This thread is all over the place pretty hard to understand really, But sounds likely need to stop holding everything in there is nothing wrong with expressing emotions holding it in is only gonna hurt the people near you more. I would say go to the gym but that obviously won't help as a matter of a fact it probably makes things worse for you in the long run. Stop seeking vengeance since your attacker wasn't caught, you need to forgive or else you life is going to flop upside down and you'll sink into a hole deeper than you've ever been in before. ALONE. Your relationship is dieing you need to do something to make your wife comfortable stop feeling sorry for yourself pick yourself up and do it for her she'll return the favour. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and vandalizing your life every step you make. Cheers, you can do it.
Buy yourself a .45 and get a concealed weapons permit.. Shoot someone with a .45 and there insides will be torn up beyond repair.
OMG did you see what she said? Did you see her avatar? Now put 2 and 2 together and get your mind off your problems. Juicy goose will make you smile. Good luck.
Since this is the place to vent I'm gonna vent, I apologize for the novella I'm writing. I've never had an easy life, my family wasn't the greatest, I got kicked out for being gay at 15, was disowned, had to couch surf and lie to get a job. I've been working since I was 15, mostly in meaningless jobs where I get taken advantage of because I want to please others. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't want sympathy. I met my wife ten years ago and that was the happiest moment of my life. We've had our ups and downs. I'll get back to that later. I got attacked at work several years ago, hit over the head, and nearly strangled to death. The police officers didn't take it seriously, handcuffed me and made me make a statement before I was taken to the hospital. Was told if I was straight it wouldn't of happens. I honestly feel like part if me died that day. I didn't deal with my ptsd. I pretended everything was ok, I drown my emotional pain in drugs and alcohol. I wouldn't allow myself to feel anything, I felt unworthy, useless, and like I've become a burden to others. I also feel weak for needing help or feeling bad when others have give through much more than I and seem stronger than I am. These feelings have only gotten worse, and I withdrew to the point my wife had an emotional affair on me because I just wasn't there. This completely crushed me but part if me was happy because I feel like I should be punished. It's like part of me doesn't wanna be loved. I want everyone to hate me as much as I hate myself. I began taking up to 8 benedryl a night just to help me sleep. I wasn't eating, I was drinking all the time, smoking too much marijuana and pushing myself too hard at work and not admitting I needed help. I finally asked for help and the next day I have two tonic clonic seizures. Had to spend three days in the hospital, got diagnosed with epilepsy, had to stop working as much which makes me feel more worthless than I already feel. I'm just kind of rambling because I don't know what to do anymore, I feel lost, I feel cheated, I feel stupid for feeling this way at 28, I should have this all figured out. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have so many fears, doubts and concerns. I want to go to school but I am afraid I can't due to my limitations from my problems. I feel like I'm stuck. I need help. I feel alone even though my wife is here with me. The night I had a seizure she saved my life because I stopped breathing. Part of wishes she didn't. I feel like I'm not a good person anymore. Maybe I'm just clinically insane and should be committed... I'm afraid of getting the help I need because that means I have to face the demons inside me. It's much easier to just let them destroy me. The sad part is that I know I need help desperately but I don't feel like deserve help, I feel like I deserve nothing. I've taken so much from other people especially my wife. I'm an awful selfish human devoid of caring. I hate myself. I'm become everything I hate, I know I'm no good for anyone the way I am now. I can hardly admit I'm depressed. It's easier to talk on here behind the anonymity of a computer screen than it is for me to admit to the people who've done nothing but love me when I've just shit on them.
It's nice that nobody is offering advice. I've given blades plenty of advice but where's mine? I need help Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Seriously? Nobody has any help or advice for me? I'm begging..., Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
op i hope things get better for sounds like your under alot of sstress.im here for you bro keep your head up an stay strong
op your not worthless dont ever think that .you have been threw alot of stuff dont let it build up an bring you down stay postitve an think to your self i will get threw this beacause im strong .
you must move forword an leave the past behinde an think for the future. The more you dwell on the past the more it will haunt you an bring you down iv been there befor allmost killed my self in fact .but i relized you cant think about then you must live for now to heal.