Well, I recently just started smoking marijuana (back in May), but nothing like people do here. All I have smoked is about an 3/4 ounce. Not at one time of course, just in my smoking period. I was born with the genes of severe depression, severe anxiety, and deploringly bitter OCD, which is accompanied by derealization. I've suffered my whole life, but you know after you smoke some cannabis, you always feel better. Well, getting cannabis is not easy here, is east TN, for me at least. So dry spells are a thing of always common occurance if you don;t know who to talk to, and have severe social anxiety disorder. Recently, I slit my wrist, and cut a "V" into it, after it got so dry, and I reflected on the feeling of how it felt. Can my illnesses be linked to extended depression and withdrawal symptoms of not having marijuana and a deep mental addiction and want for it? Here is a picture of how bad it is/was, I was crying that day...and felt like going all the way. This image is after it healed up some. About, 5 days later.
Dude. You really should seek profesional help. Cutting your wrists goes beyond weed addiction. You should really see a therapist and try to sort out all the shit in your life. Also, smoking weed might not be the best idea. For you, since you said you dont do it alot, then it probably wont make a difference, but if you smoke heavily and are depressed, it can lead to changes in your brain which make that depression worse. If you ever feel like going all the way again, read this first http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/. You need to find a therapist man. These problems are WAY above weed. You might be using weed to cover up your problems and using it as an excuse for feeling so bad... Trust me, therapy can do wonders.
First of all, this is just a fair warning to others...if you can't offer advice or some empathy, and only want to come down on Zimed then please stay out of this thread. Zimed, I know about dry spells in this area and they suck! As far as the other, you found something that makes you feel better and helps you deal with your depression, anxiety, etc... so you're going to feel someone desperate when you can't get what makes you feel better. You certainly can't depend on MaryJane to make it all better but I can understand that you'd want it if it does indeed make things easier to deal with. Just hang in there. The dry spells don't last forever....and don't go all the way, dude. It's not worth it. It may take a little time but things always get better. Trust me, I know. They might not stay better forever because we all have ups and downs in life, but they do get better.
I feel for you mate, I suffer from the same shit and weed is the only thing that lifts it. Problem is shrink (who i stoped seeing, cause 1 precription, risperidone nearly killed me) says its weed thats causing the problem. I live in UK so i cant get it prescribed, so i do an outdoor grow every year which provides about 30-50 oz all depends. One more thing dont get into opites, that shit makes you normal - but leads to worse in the long run, i found out the hardway. Hope every thing works out good for you.
I urge you to go seek professional help... they can really help you. if you are tired of these feelings, help is just a phone call away. other than the weed thing... weed "addiction" is not causing you to do this bro...its you, thats why i really think you should seek help because the odds are... things wont get any better unless you get some outside help. im not the best person at putting things into words... but just trust me on this. Get help. good luck man.
It's a very unique thing. Throughout the whole experience of cutting my wrist all I was thinking about was how bad certain detailed and specific things were, and how bad it felt to not possess any cannabis. I realize that sounds like a weak mindframe, but I guess I am just a weak person, I don't have a weak personality though, but addiction is real easy for me. I gurantee you if I had infinite of something or a reliable resource of any drug I would be getting and using 24/7. Why? Probably just to mask the problem I have in my genetics, in my body, in my DNA. Right. Like, I used Demerol until it was all gone, and just kept going back and back and back, even after I told myself I should stop. That was after the dryness of weed occured.
My heart goes out to you my friend. Like some others are recomending I suggest you get help. I know what its like to live with mental illness, Ihave schizophrenia, and severe depression. Weed does help temporarily but people like ourselves need serious help dealing with our problems. I urge you to talk to a professional. The last thing I want to see is someone kill themself because of a disorder that can be helped. if you ever need to talkman feel free to PM me. I will be happy to share my IM address with you.
I'm gonna have to agree with the professional help thing. Man just call a therapist or something. Once you start bringing pain on yourself you ve crossed a line. It must be so hard dealing with all those probs, but i dont think weed and self mutalation are the answers. You sound like you are addicted to heorine or crack. I dont know if you should stop smoking but I know that you should seriously get some help man! I hope everything works out, good luck.
All good and very heartfelt advice. I read this the other day and it makes sense. Smoking is a form of self mutilation. There is not one smoker of weed or cigarettes or anything that thinks it's not bad for them. Just like when people get stressed and depressed, if they're cutters they cut, but some people just smoke. That's all that chain smoking is too, a massive self mutilation. As most self-mutilators have some form of depression, we can say that most smokers are depressed. My point is, the city here is made up primarily of depressed people, at least somewhat like you. Having people that relate to your problem around you will help immensly, and no one relates better than someone who's been there themselves. Good luck my friend, I know how horribly rough things can get, and I definitely know exactly what you're talking about when you say small detailed things that are fucked up can make you so depressed or angry. Just gotta learn to stick it out.
it makes me sad when i see how depressed people get. i dont think your depression is connected with a withdrawal from weed. youve been sad your whole life and heres comes something that makes you happy. of course if you cant get that thing oyu are going to be even more unhappy. just stick it through man death is NOT the answer. it never is. life is beautiful you got to realize that. p.s. one time i cut myself when i was really drunk. really really really really really really drunk. i didnt even remember till about 3 hours after i woke up the next morning cuz i looked at my arm and saw something like those "v"'s in your arm. ummmm, i dont know i just wanted to throw that out there.
now I'm not being a dick as I too suffer from depression and OCD. im a trichotillomanic and I can get trapped in front of a mirror messing with shit for hours if I'm not careful. This is why i draw, play guitar or read constantly: to keep my fingers moving and my mind off myself. If you believe that your genetics control your fate, then you are believing in a lie that allows you to continue with the harmful actions and thoughts. If you realize that your own will controls you, not your body, then you would be on the road to recovery. You might be resigned to the lie from your whole life of observation, but know that everything is changing all the time. Each moment is a new chance to diverge from your present course. you may not believe it, but proper meditation would help you tremendously. besides that realization, which won't come instantly, you need to be around people. I don't know your exact situation, but I know that most depressed people including myself hide from others. That only makes it worse. first off, you can't cut yourself in front of other people and even an awkward conversation is better than mascichistic silence. Plus you might find a good hookup (not saying your should choose weed over all other curitive opertunities). i really do hope you can get yourself well as I know all too well the pain your are going through.
I am thankful for the insightful responses. I believe genes play an important role in fate. Believe it or not, I actually take Paxil, Neurontin and Topamax Daily, and go to a psychiatrist. It's quite obvious these things, and measures are not working for me. I always believe that if you have the genes you will constantly suffer, maybe that is a bad mind set. However, I wish to have a truthful mindset, and not riddle myself with things that are untrue. I am curious as to how medicine may be affecting me. I am considering going off of it, to see who I really am and what I really am like. The last time I was without medicine, and took a break from them, was 6 years ago, and now I believe that perhaps my mind has changed. I have been on medications since I was 6, and been attending psychogists/psychiatrists since that age. Since I am now 18, I would think my mind has changed since my last medical escape 6 years ago.
When I was young, I believed that my parents could hear my thoughts because they were so intuitive and always knew what I was doing it seemed. Obviously they couldn't hear my thoughts otherwise they would have been so sickened as to disown me Unfortunately, it looks like you've come to the same kind of illogical conclusion. You've felt powerless to change because no one taught you the way that would work for you, so you told yourself you can't change because its some physical defect even though theres no proof of that. Its a mindset of perpetual failure because what other choice do you have but to suffer if you don't even believe you have the power to change? how are shinks and drugs supposed to help if you don't allow it? Did you know I can make myself not trip just by concentrating on supressing the effects? I've done it twice now when times have called for it. mushrooms are powerful medicine, but the mind's ability to alter your consciousness and physiology is even stronger. while I'm obviously not a doctor, it is my opinion that depression is a learned behavior, not genetics. The way a family is raised is quite similar through the generations. If ones mother or father had depression, the coping skills employed are going to be copied by their offspring. If they don't cope well, the characteristic will probably show up in their children, if they do cope well, then I would suspect it wouldn't have that much of an affect. I think this is true because one can experience an external event and it will change the way they think, for better or for worse. If we were all strictly preprogrammed to act a certain way, none of us would ever change. Placing the blame on genetics removes your responsibility towards your illness and removes all hope of becoming well. What is that old Chinese proverb? "Whether you believe you can or you can't you are right." Its all up to you my man. those are just my thoughts, and I hope they aren't distressing. I won't say anything else on the subject if you don't want me to because this is the angle that i come from.
No, your point of view is fine, and has entered my conscience many times...however I always go back to the genetics thing. I guess it's because I Know my Dad has and he even tells me pretty bad anxiety disorder. During being born, and all the processes of the genes being passed into me, there can be mutations and abromalities of that specific gene. It looks like, it was manifested, and mutated, into a much more serious gene problem. I know that with a lot of hard work you can feel better, but it seems that I can't or something, so then it is then conversly so easy to give it up.
I would go by what PE says, I really don't believe it's genetics that are getting to you, it's the mindset that you think it's genetics and that it's out of your control. I don't really know how it is to be in your situation, but I've seen a lot of people who grew out of things after realizing that it's all up to them to decide how they feel or act. You should definitly try meditation. It really does help if you do it alteast twice a day, it will help calm your mind down and rid of unwanted thoughts, but do not do it with a goal in mind, just do it for the sake of it when the time is right. As for the medication, I am against it. I think most medication is just a temporary relieve, if at all, from the problem at hand. Most people rely on it and that becomes a problem. You should NOT RELY on ANYTHING except YOURSELF. That's the best advice I could give you. And remember, if you ever consider suicide, you are not just screwing yourself over, but everyone who knows and loves you, too. Take it easy.
I had suffered from depression for years. Trust me guys, as anyone who's had it will tell you, it is a genetics thing. I would just sit there for hours feeling SO bad and not even knowing why. My advice for you zimmed is this: although it is a genetics thing, you can control it. You seem to have the attitude that it's out of your control. Though it is not easy, i did have many atemppts of fighting it and losing. For me it was a combination of finding the right meds and thinking optimistically, and I'll even say discovering weed. BUT, do not use weed as something to hold off your depression, you shouldn't start getting depressed as soon as you sober up. Instead use weed as something to expand yourself, and just look at it as a hobby like videogames. If you like videogames do you get depressed when you're not playing them? It also helps to have something who you are confortable telling all of this to (a close friend). You have to watch out who you trust though. I know I was lucky to have someone who suffered from the same thing as me and I could be really honest with him. Good luck.
You are not weak, whatsoever. You are suffering from a life threatening disease. This type of thing is not uncommon. In addition to a therapist, you may need to seek out help from a local rehab facility. Cannabis addiciton is entirely possible and must be treated.
Yea, i suffered from depression too. Its deffinitely learned behavior. It might not be so much genetics, bit chemical imbalance in your brain. I know exactly how it feels to sit in my bed for many hours at a time in unbearable pain wishing i was dead and not knowing why. I really think that staying off the weed would be a good thing, and i mean like not smoking at all. From what you described, and how little you said you've smoked, you wouldn't be addicted, the only addiction is your brain needing something to mask your feelings and emotions. You cant just mask your problems. I tried that, it only made things worse. Face your problems, cause as hard as that may be, its the ONLY way to solve them. I know that it looks like theres no end in sight, but if you believe that then you WONT recover. Tell yourself its gonna get better, and make sure you believe it, otherwise its all for nothing. Judging by the state your in right now, i'd say you have a long road ahead of you(of course, i'm not a doctor), and a very difficult one, but it WILL get better unless you allow it to stay the way it is. Good luck.