Funny Stoned Driving Stories

Where i live a lot of times in the middle of the night a lot of intersections will just have blinking yellow lights instead of like red, yellow, green. due to pretty much no traffic at that time of day, well i stopped at a blinking yellow light because i thought it was about to change red, i was stopped for like 5 seconds before my girl was like, wtf are you doing?

 

This all happenedvjust a few hours ago. I drove into the opposite lane, like into oncoming traffic. And I drove into a construction zone, in fresh asphalt. The police were there directing traffic and shit but there were also signs and cones directing the lanes every which way. Apparently I drove into the wrong one. But the Constable let me go after telling me I was lucky I wasn't leaving with 5 tickets. I had an oz on me and my pipe was RIGHT FUCKING THERE NEXT TO ME! I almost shit myself. I'm the luckiest girl alive tonight.

 

Shit.. I have quite a few I'll update this post tomorrow with but off the top of my head I've had too many close calls..


One night I tossed a fresh ounce out my window when pulling up to a road block.. Got through and they didnt even ask to search the car.. Came back few hours later.. no bud..

Another was cluelessly driving in the opposite lane in the highway.. luckily it was really late and no one was on the same road lol

and I recall a story from an old thread like this where a guy stopped at a red mailbox thinking it was a stop sign

 

A couple months ago, this past summer, me and a bunch of friends were chilling at another friends house passing the bong and bowl around for an hour or so and we were just wrecked. We ended up having to leave and I had to drive all of our stoned asses to my place for the night and I can recall that I was hitting the gas, then hitting the brake every two seconds lol. it looked like the car was stalling a lot. Point being, I was driving like a complete idiot that night

 

my first time driving high, i drove my friends car. i didn't know what the fuck i was doing and accidently floored it in reverse. but then i drove fine, 10 miles under the speed limit on every road

 

i have a bad habbit of speeding on the fwy...anyways about a month ago i was heading down the 805 south hitting my pipe and doing 80ishh 90ish(this was around 2-3 am) saw a parked car alongside the road thought it was a cop) slammed my brakes,dropped my pipe cherried bowl fell on my nut sack burning it( scarred for life) almost died, lost control of the car swerved into diff lanes back and forth trying to put out my sack a couple pubes caught fire shit was crazy

 

yeah ... i consider myself a better driver stoned then sober ( 4 minor accidents sober ; 0 stoned ) but i have my part of silly stoner driver storys.
- driving with 2 of my pals in the car after a little bit of hotboxing ... i completely ignored a red traffic light ... but hell .. it was at ~1:30 AM and the intersection was with a small road coming out of some backstreets ... so no chance to pick up any speed on those things .. i was in no danger
- while driving thru the mountains on a freshly repaired road , at night and without any markings on the road , doing 55 mph ( for ya'll imperial unit users ) , my right front wheel caught a 1 by 2 meters ( ha ! ) long unfinished portion of road witch made my car jump on the other side of traffic ( only 1 lane/direction ) right in front of a mother fucking TRUCK . may i remind you that i was at a mild lvl 6 ... witch instantly dropped at -1 . i managed to regain control of my car (witch basically has no abs , no assisted steering , no airbags ... i've got only my pedals , steering wheel and my good ol' gear stick) and avoided the truck by a few close feet .
-countless interactions with the 5-0 , all without any problems
-one of my friends opened the right door at a stop light in witch a girl on a bike crashed into ... lol ...
-got @a stop light , the intersection basically had 3 sets of traffic lights : one for the tram , one for going forward and one to make a right turn ... i waited at all 3 of them because i couldn't focus at one of them for more then 25-30 seconds and i shifted my view at another light , completely missing the previous traffic light witch turned green ... and they took about 90 seconds for each to change ... damn .. lucky there was nobody behind me and it was pretty late .
-oh and fuck those taxi hubs ... i always get fooled at night mistaking them for the police
-and something similar to what Khaos92 describes but i've already made a wall'o'text

 

One time I smoked some full melt. I planned on making a right turn at a red light. But instead I just went straight, through the red light. The end.

 

Why were you driving naked?

 

One time when I was driving with my toking buddy back in high school, we were stopped at a stop light, waiting to turn, when a car from turns into the opposite lane next to me with nothing but a driver and a human sized stuffed banana with a goofy smile and cartoon hands. Needless to say we cracked the fuck up for like 10 minutes.

Another time, my brake light had been out, but my friend and I decided to just use my car anyway to drive to our offroad toking spot. When we were done, we drove to mcdonalds (still ridin' dirty) and went into the drive thru. As soon as I line up in the drive thru a cop pulls up in line behind me, and I quickly thought "oh shit, theres no way he is goin to miss the broken brake light" So I quickly yanked up my handbrake and was able to stop without showing my brake lights. We felt quite triumphant as we got away haha

 

[quote name='"Larry Hoover"']One time when I was driving with my toking buddy back in high school, we were stopped at a stop light, waiting to turn, when a car from turns into the opposite lane next to me with nothing but a driver and a human sized stuffed banana with a goofy smile and cartoon hands. Needless to say we cracked the fuck up for like 10 minutes.

That is fucking epic

 

i smoked two blunts on the drive home from buffalo one time, and a little after i had finished the second blunt, i watched as a seagull flew slowly in front of the setting sun and i thought it was the most beautiful thing ever. lol

 

Lmao this is the first time this is leaving me, but I went to a pool place with a buddy in an unfamiliar place (and never driven) so we were super stoned of course and as I left (by myself) at 2 a.m., turned left onto the wrong side of the road and passed three cars then realized the yellow line was off so i look to my right and slow down and go through the 10 foot strip of grass between the two sides and got back on the right side.

First time i've ever fucked up while driving stoned in my 2 years of doing it, still can't believe it happened

 

I was driving to the store stoned one time and I thought my pockets felt a little light, so I felt around in 'em and I was like, "Ahh shit, man, I left my keys, I gotta go back." I drove all the way home, unlocked my front door then I looked at my hands and thought, "Oh shit, I'm fucking dumb," haha.


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One time I was driving at night when this cute ass bunny hopped in front of my car. I missed it luckily, but had to clean my seats afterwards

 

lol


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Was riding shotgun with dude..just fucking pie eyed after driving and vaping for an hour then splits huge blunt...so we are like in the middle of nowhere and there is an intersection and a little store. He his so high when he turns the corner he drives through half the parking lot...still turning... Lol. Thinking he was on the road.


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me and my buddy just got done blazing at this beautiful spot by the water down this long dirt path in my hometown. So we finish up and decide to go play ball and on our way driving out its impossible to see because the sun is setting and its directly in front of us. So We're driving about 15 kmh (i'm canadian) because we can't see a damn thing, and a beautiful majestic deer completely scales the hood of our car right in front of the sunset. We decided there was no way we could go play basketball, so we turned around and blazed again.