i've lived happily without this broad for a long time. my status is one man wolf pack lol. she never talks to me unless she's having relationship issues. that is why i was talking to, to get back with her. but after seeing what she's like i'm no longer interested. Done
Spent 3 years away from my original friends and home town, never really made friends in the other towns I lived in and schools I went to.. Spent some lonely years, now I graduated and came back up, hardly ever get to see them. They all have dumb relationships and are whipped or have babies.. I feel trapped and alone, I just sit in a basement usually 24/7 smoking by myself and trying to find music to listen to and daydream... I really just want to get out and travel almost like a nomad. And that's pretty much it summed up in a small paragraph, there's too much other shit..
I kinda understand least from what you've wrote about. In my town I was the only one of my friends that went away to school. Didn't have many to begin with. First two years were ok somewhat made some friends but the ones back home would never visit me. Then I transferred and was alone for the rest. Still no visit, but they always asked me on my vacations to come see them. After my main school years came home and went to work, rarely ever saw em. I never had a gf and they all did and always had group dates so I was always alone. Finally moved to nj about two years ago and since then I think they've visited once. It's just been me and weed to keep me company....... Honestly this site, when I do come on is prob the most human interaction I'll get all day............. I wish they had an "I understand" button instead of just a thumbs up one...........
Well after seeing my therapist today and visiting my parents I have realized something. I can admit that I'm a fuck up, and an akward loser who's never had any real friends and will never have any meaningful relationship. Iono I guess it still just hurts that your parents and friends feel like your holding them back, even thought I barely see them. I know the thoughts that go through my head are wrong, but I mean honestly when you wake up in the morning and there really isn't a reason for you to be awake , makes it hard....... I guess at least I'm alive, that's what I've been told anyways....... Sorry for random rants, I don't mean to complain, just sometimes kinda wanna talk to someone, even if no one's listening........
Just got destroyed by a really close friend. Commented on her FB post about light and dark with some knowledge i was taught by my teacher. She thought i was trying to be mean or insult her. After that i tried to explain and make it right but her and her two friends who she is staying with just ripped me apart. Said i didn't care and wasn't someone she should be around. They made fun of my mental illness and insulted my education and work i've done in the psychiatric community because he has a masters in counseling (which is fucking stupid to be talking shit about). They stabbed at just about every soft spot they could have. She was the last person i had. My entire family excommunicated me. I've lost many of my friends and now only have 2 or 3 people to support me. One of which i've found is the only real friend. I'm dealing with facing my own mortality and limited time while also dealing with being completely alone with no safety net. I'm terrified of both and i still don't know how to deal with not having anyone to be there for me. It's like the gears just get stuck in my head and chest when i think about not having one person i can text, call, visit and talk to about things or cry to. It's one of the most disgusting and destroying things i've ever felt. To be honest i'm terrified and have no idea what to do. I can't think of any plan of action that will help. I'm sitting here on my bed with the feeling of needing to do something, anything. But there's nothing to do. Noone to call. Nowhere to go. No place to post. Noone to hug. No drugs to do. No pet to talk to or lay with. I've tested everyone. To see if they would support me and care for me without me forcing or guilt tripping them. Every single one rubbed my back or patted me on the shoulder and gave me a hug and a "it'll be ok" then went on chasing fucking cock. Noone truly cares about other people more than themselves. Well i know of two me and my best friend. Sadly the people who do truly care have nothing to give themselves because they have nothing of their own. So we sit and wait for another person to prove us wrong. I really just want to go to the psych ward and stay for a few months. That or hurt myself. I don't know what else to do. I'm saving everyone else and drowning in the process. I have to delve into helping others because if i stop and think about myself and my situation my stomach and heart drop and i feel terror. True dread and fear. So i spend myself helping others especially with the decline in my health. Maybe i'll be remembered for something.
I kinda understand how you feel, but if I am mistaken I'm sorry. I don't really have any support, I've moved on from friends and family. I can't ask for help cause if I told the truth I know how badly they would hurt me. My support so far has been my drugs and when I run out I don't know how I can get through the day. I just want something to nub the pain. That's why I joined this site, for some sort of support but I ended up hurting myself and became suicidal. Recently though I've joined another site that people have helped and supported me, total strangers willing to pm me just to talk. It's hard to think the friends you've helped, been through everything together aren't there when you need them the most. I don't know if this even helped you, but iono maybe someone just answering you back might help just a bit.
After class I went on a walk by the sea and read my book, I got some ice cream and afterwards I had a bath. I played some ps4 and I baked a Nutella cake (it's in the oven now) The whole time though, I feel so alone. Sent from my iPad using Grasscity Forum
my last night in maine. look forward to seeing my girlfriend again, and seeing what else life has in store for me. fly out tomorrow morning, if my flight isn't cancelled//delayed.
I just took something, last time I knocked me out so bad I didn't remember. Today I took more. I hope I don't wake up this time...... And good night to all, no matter what time zone your in
Hey I know most times songs aren't put on here but this was given to me by a nice person who was going through hard times just to listen to and help maybe get thought some hard moments in live when you have no one to turn to. I hope they touched you as they have me. https://www.youtube.com watch?v=XqWofBdhT2k https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFgQzaaUwqQ
I feel like poison to the people around me. What I want to be happy, seems way too far away. And I don't know where to go from here.
Made it to NOLA with no setbacks beyond losing my awesome Kershaw folder at the airport because I was baked and forgot it was in my pocket... Anyway, my girlfriend met me at the airport and we had lots of great reunion sex.
Is there anywhere online or a forum i can talk to and get analysis or feedback anonymously for psychiatric problems?? I have some things i NEED to discuss with a professional but i can NOT discuss it with anyone in person or with my info.
I'm not sure if this is exactly what your looking for but a few days I found a site called bluelight.org. I just thought I might share it, I guess it couldn't hurt to check it out............ Do hope you find what your looking for tho........
O i've been on bluelight for a long time that's for uh extra curricular uses. I need a good psychiatric board.