I don't waste my time wanting what I've already had. I accept that it didn't work out for whatever reason and strive to find something better. I am an ice queen, though, when it comes to second chances. Whether I walk away willingly or I am the one who is walked away from, there are no second chances. I am too proud for that.
I waste too much time wanting what I've already had. I wish I could find someone that I want more so that I can really get over it.
I haven't found anyone I want more... There are people who I left behind unwillingly. I just refuse to expend energy on things I can't control, like other people's feelings for me... or lack thereof.
I used to believe that I needed someone in my life to be truly happy, like a girlfriend. I believed that they was someone out there for everyone and all the other stuff that people tell you about love, romance, and relationships. I guess I've learned that I prob will never find anyone out there for me, that I actually can't stand being around most people and holding meaningful relationships with them. I've thrown away whatever friends and family I had because they didn't understand me. They live in a different world then I do, I guess you can call it a normal life. I've tried medication and therapy to help make me "normal", to change me from being so anti-social. I even signed up for POF to try and "get out there and make some friends". They told me weed was just a crutch I used to hide all my problems and that I needed to stop. I do use weed to escape from reality, and I don't really know what I want from life anymore. I know I probably don't want a relationship because I'm incapable of loving anyone or feeling love. I've been a loner all my life, maybe iono I just want a friend who understands me and let's me be. Maybe one day I'll be ready to accept help, but I guess right now I would just like a friend who lives in my world.
Wow it took her 30 seconds to take my mood from 10/10 to -5. Just letting me know I left my watch at her house..
^Happens to me all the time. We remain friends, but the feelings always come back up when we talk. Just a vicious cycle. I wanna block her completely but I don't have it in me yet.
I finally had the nerve to tell mine to take a hike. She would always contact me every couple of weeks or so being nothing but an emotional terrorist. I can finally attempt to forget she ever existed.
It took me like 5 months to finally block her completely. Sometimes I wish I could undo it, but it's probably better this way.
Why can't I have just one solid prospect? I need someone to flirt with. It changes the whole dynamic of my life, gives me something to look forward to. I hear rumors about guys having crushes on me, some of them I would totally give a chance, but these boys have no balls, and that kills it for me. Le. Sigh.
I wish I could make the wanting go away. I don't want to want. Especially when it is for things I literally can not ever have. Which is pretty much the only types of things I ever want...If I can have it, if it's easy to any degree, I don't want it. Defense mechanism? Lost cause?
i spent the weekend with the woman i've been seeing. we got a hotel room on the ocean, and checked out some of the sights. but most of our time was spent in the room, making love (her words, unusual for her) and drinking/talking. i have, against my better judgement, fallen in love with her. she leaves for her new apartment/job on saturday. so, this is going to hurt like hell but if given the chance, i wouldn't do anything differently. i have learned so much from her, and our time together, and i'll always carry that knowledge with all the memories it came with.