lol thanks man! But I really just need a sweet friend like her. That's really all I meant. Lol She isn't available I'm sure. She has two babies and a man. But she does seem to be giving my the eyes when she talks to me, not the same way she talks to everyone else. And why would she give a shit anyways, right?! lol But I'm hoping she's cool, she blazes, and wants to be friends and text me when she's bored and shit, ya know
I can't imagine growing and being in a relationship with someone who doesn't know. I'm lucky, my girlfriend has been with me every step of the way, as an active partner. She handles post harvest, I grow (want to test your relationship? Drop a plant that's going to yield a lb on the table and tell her to wake you up when she is done trimming! ) Having said that, we can still tell you exactly where we were when we had the first conversation about growing. Bringing somebody into that part of your life is as big a deal as a marriage proposal. Wait for your gut to tell you the time is right, but don't rule out being able to at some point. In the meantime, yep, loose lips sink ships. The likelihood of a secret being revealed us equal to the SQUARE of the number of people who know about it! Good luck, man.
*sigh* Feelin' it today. It's dark and blustery, the leaves are starting to fall. Woke up in the middle of the night to close my bedroom window and add a blanket to my bed. It's so hard to need a warm body, someone to curl up to, and have no options. I never realized how much I got from my FWB until he was gone. Even though we were just going through the motions, even though we're not in love, he still made me feel safe and secure, he still made me feel wanted, he was still a soft place to land sometimes. I don't want that anymore. I want something more substantial, but I should have been more appreciative. Because now I don't have anyone. Not even someone to pretend with.
I tell almost everyone that I grow.. girls, family, bosses and coworkers alike. I share only so much info though. I know what not to say and what will and won't hold up. I'm never high in front of anyone important and I don't take my medicine outside my house. I'm always watching to see if someone is following and I always make a couple stops on my way home to an address that isn't even on my ID. And It helps to not care about my own well being... One potential mistake I've made is telling a neighbor that I thought was just a nice older lady but suddenly she has all these people over her house and I'm almost 100% sure she's told them she has a grow friend next door. Trying to get me to hang out with them.. hell no that ain't happening. As far as they know, it's just hear say.
Oh she is. Which is why I rarely post in here. Most advice sounds trite...I can't tell why I got lucky in life. I just hope everybody gets there too... I don't want to derail...we are kinda on topic, but barely. Your state is different from mine, I will wager. Everyone in my area needs to stay much more discreet than that. I'm lucky in that I have three people I can talk to and show my grow to. None of them are related to me. I get lonely in this one area of my life, because I can't share it with more people, but I am very lucky to have even that many. Someday the laws will change, I hope.
So I was having a good day. Work always keep me sane... But then right at the end of my work day, my coworker says "Guess who Sam (former coworker, now at college) has as his best friend on Snapchat?" Like fuck, dude, you didn't have to mention her. I've been doing well at this 'pretend she doesn't exist' thing. But anytime someone or something gets me thinking about her, it brings me down a little bit. I shouldn't be having this problem... But I have no fucking idea where I'm supposed to find a quality woman. Fuck me, I'm such a bitch about this and I shouldn't be. -(Tim)- Upsidedown Mountains
"Work keeps me sane" So what strip club do they let you work at? cuz I know only one kind of coworker that could keep my sanity!
for some reason i've been having this awful sinking feeling that i'm gonna be hurting a bit in december when she leaves. trying really hard to focus on the present, but damn. things are going well enough i would normally be considering a "bright future" or something, but it can't be that way in this case. and i've known that all along.
Call me a bit of an old bastard at heart but why is so much stock put in snapchat, IG, and twitter? How am I weird for only having 1 of the 3? and not even caring for the one lol
Feeling pretty isolated lately, pretty unloved, unimportant. So many of my buddies just go away... It's always a slow decline. I hear from them less and less. Then eventually I stop hearing from them at all. I'm glad @lisamc is back, though. So glad. Love her.
Cause you and I, we were born to die \\m/ Middle fingers up, if you don't give a fuck I thought you were hearing too much of me. Nobody wants a desperate nigga Middle fingers up, if you don't give a fuck
Wasn't talking about you, silly. I have other homies, too, y'know. Have you ever considered taking that "Middle fingers up if you don't give a fuck" out of your sig? Cause I really hate that shit. Just sayin'. lol
No I keep it there to remind me everyday that people will walk run jog power walk all over me, and I can't let it happen anymore. I still care about my homies, but you know. I can't let the little shit get to me Middle fingers up, if you don't give a fuck
I made real connection last night! and it was immediately followed by deep shame and sadness. For a little while though I was so happy, so so happy/
@morange I am responding here because I don't want to derail THT anymore. Yeah. But finding someone with whom there is mutual passion is goddamn near fucking impossible. Or I find it with someone who is not available to me. Fucking is fine. There is a time and place for it. But I'm not in my twenties anymore. I'm starting to get a little panicky. I don't want to be alone forever, but every year that passes, that reality becomes more and more imminent. I know I am a hard person to love. I know I have a lot of issues. But I have good qualities, too.... Apparently not good enough for anyone to put forth any kind of real effort for me. It just makes me sad.
I'm still in my twenties but I am looking for a lot of the things you seem to be as well. Like I was saying before the sex is good but I feel weird afterwards. I want someone that I can have the entire package with you know
I don't even feel weird afterward anymore. I just feel empty. And I get angry because it's like... why in the fuck am I putting forth the effort to please someone who doesn't even care what happens to me after they're done? I mean, it's a two way street. I've used people before, too.... but that feeling remains... that feeling of ... complete helplessness and hopelessness. I get so caught up in the moments. And I act impulsively a lot. It used to be that I'd have a bad day and I'd look for someone to fuck away the pain and make me forget, to make me feel better in the moment.... So I can feel even worse about it later. I still slip up occasionally... find myself repeating that behavior, but for the most part, I've curbed it. But instead of the immediate gratification, feeling good in those moments, even when they're fleeting, I get no gratification, no feel good, for no moments... and all my time is filled with this resonating emptiness.