Thanks man i always know GC has my back even if i take a week off. I've known some of you around here for years now and it's a great refuge just to say things straight and have no worries about it.
people on craigslist wont even talk to me. a few did, but they all disappear after a day or two. not even looking for relationships or sex..just people to talk to. i dont get it. no one will give me a chance. i'm not a bad person. i've fucked up, a lot, and wish i could take back a lot of things i've said and done but i don't think they make me a bad person. just means i've made mistakes and i have learned from them. this latest experience taught me a lot and i think it kind of opened my eyes a little bit. being stuck with those unwanted feelings for so long really distorted my perspective for a long time and i didn't even realize it. looking back now i realize how dumb i was being. i definitely feel that i'm better off now for it, and learned a lot from it, but how can i use what i've learned to try and grow and better myself as a person if no one will even hear what i have to say?
Why do you have to tell people? Actions speak louder than words. Put what you've learned into practice. Idk what lessons you learned from it but I do know if you are actively trying to better yourself people who have the same hobbies and interests will gravitate toward you. Also cl isn't the best place to try to meet people even just for friendship. Those people are there for a reason... and i don't mean that in a bad way as I've done the same thing that's where this is coming from. I've been the one to be ignored after a few days and I've been the one to just stop talking. You can't really get a feel for someone in a few emails. Plus people are so busy, I'm sure everyone you talked to was very nice but life just takes over and it's easier to drop a person you just met via cl than it is to drop your responsibilities. That's just my experience with it. I may be totally off base. It sounds like you're doing well and I hope you are buddy. Just keep doing what you're doing and working towards bettering yourself and everything will work out man I have faith. You're a good person and good people don't stay lonely forever it just feels like it haha.
I'm unsure if i am lovable or not. Every single relationship in my life has ended with me being the at fault party. I was thinking tonight on all my past relationships ever. I mean parents, friends, peers, teachers, lovers, partners, friends, family. Each one has ended in disaster with me left in the dust. I may have my problems but i'm a good person with so much to give and ask so little in return but will accept the full outpouring happily and readily. I am not close with my parents or family and never have been. Every family i have attached too has thrown me to the curb with me as the issue. I have lost all my friends except one for being who i am and doing what i have. All of my long relationships have ended with me being told my best isn't enough or blackmail. I mean i know other reasons are at play but at face value the outlook is grim. I'm so afraid to jump into anything close to a relationship now. I get my heart involved and start pouring myself in. Eventually it spills over and is wasted or rejected and i am pushed out. I realized tonight that i live my life 100% alone. I do not have one person i can spend a night with in any close or intimate way. I know it's dark thinking and feeding the beast but it's a fear i live with. It's probably the biggest fear and anxiety i feel. The idea that no matter what and however happy i am it will come to an end. The person i am inside is for some reason extremely repulsive and undesirable as a partner. I don't understand why love and devotion, caring, and consideration with selflessness is not a desired trait. It's looked down upon actually in my experience. I have spent a few days hanging and talking with friends and now after 2 days i have to go into that mother fucking dark room alone. Pray that the music takes me away and my teddy bear is tight enough to put me to sleep. This is the moment i dread. When i walk in my home and sit in an empty queen bed and i clutch my bears to my chest and cry or sob on them because they love me regardless. I miss the days of having a body to cuddle with and tell you that you love and care and caress to sleep and kiss lightly. I need an outlet for this emotion or it's going to build and push me over the edge again. I can feel the anxiety in my chest. I keep trying to convince myself that i am unique and will require a unique person as strange as me to be what i need and me what they need. I just can't feel them. Anywhere. I meditate and all the love i could feel pulling me is gone. It's a several layer cold ring around me. So as i go to sleep again in a cold and dark bed. I want to say and ask. Am i loveable? Is this just a cruel and coincidental trend in my life or is there something fundamentally wrong with me that i cannot see? Wish me luck in my dreams everyone. I love all of you.
i have to tell people because i have regrets and things i wish i could fix. i've been trying to do just that but didn't get the reaction i was hoping for, though i got what i expected. and because i don't meet anyone in real life or in person so my words are all i have. i have been trying actions as well but i dont go out except to work and my hobbies and interests are few and don't really get me out of the house either. and yeah, fuck cl. i'll probably keep trying just because where else will i meet anyone, but seriously it sucks. even people who sound so similar dont even bother with a response, and people looking for "friendship" stop answering after i send a pic..wtf is that? i talked to a few people but just get met with silence pretty quickly. I don't know if i'm doing well. on the one hand i'm very hurt and alone, but on the other hand i haven't been getting down on myself, haven't felt like giving up (too much), haven't been laying around moping, and i'm still trying to stay positive and focused on what's next.
Hormones got me all emotional today... :/ Art this point idk if I should text him & say what's on my mind or just give up since we haven't talked.... Idk how everything can seem so fine with this dude & abruptly we just stopped talking. I texted him & still no response. Usually he'll text me back when he wakes up but no wake-up text....
I'm rarely to never lonely, but right now I am. I wish I had someone to smoke and chill with. Also, I wish I had more weed. Happy birthday!
Man, if you lived closer to Atlanta I'd take you downtown for some beers. Always respected ya here since I joined, and it sucks people don't give you a chance. Maybe one day I'll be able to swing towards Chicago (if my memory serves me right)
just me, my coffee, guitar, smoke, and smokess.....ugh... it's Disgusting how quickly life went from engagement to realizing im just no priority of the woman I WAS engaged to and in love with.....now..nah....the shits hit the fan, you can clean it, but those walls were still covered in Shit at one point....
yeah that's right. thanks man i have always respected you as well, i hope things are looking up for you.
Ended a ~2 year relationship I was in with my "ideal" female (at least on paper) ~7 months ago, and have regretted it hugely ever since (It was sort of a rash decision). Today has been one of those days where it's the only thing on my mind, just feeling particularly lonely today and thought I'd share. Take it easy
damn, this girl doesn't trust me at all. if quitting all this bullshit I've been doin and making a huge effort to try to take you out and hang out with you doesn't show you I give more of a shit about you than drugs and fucking around with ho's then idk what would. fuck, I only fucked around with one bitch, and you had a boyfriend. I quit for more than just the sake of getting better, but for you, to make you happy. i know you hate seeing me like this and it breaks your heart. i know ive done some fucked up shit because of what i was into, but im not taking anything right now. it sucks ass, I'm going through withdrawals, I have insomnia, and when I do sleep I have very vivid dreams involving you. in every damn fuckin dream you're there by my side. I want to get high. I really want to get fucked up. but when I think about getting fucked up, I think of you, how good it feels to be with you compared to how good it feels to be high off my ass. there's no time that needs to be spent thinking about which I'd rather have. YOU. fuck, I'm not just gonna stop taking shit to be with you and when we no longer talk, go back to my old ways. I'm staying sober, I'm not fucking things up any more. FUCK. I went three months without thinking about you or talking to you, then out of nowhere I'm gettin these fucking dreams and thinking about you non stop. and don't tell me quitting for a girl isn't going to work. I'm not just quitting for her, I'm quitting for the sake of my mental and physical health. if I go more than a day or two without smoking or taking unmentionables I get horrible stomach aches, migraines, body aches, insomnia and depressing thoughts. I also lose my appetite, so when I do eat I eat a lot, and normally it's crap food that has none of the things my body needs. which leads to more stomach problems because of my IBS (anyone with IBS ever eat only pizza for two days? it's a bad fucking time.) gah, in a few weeks my head will be clear and I'll be able to sort things out much more easily. in the mean time, I need to fight these cravings and try to earn this girls trust back.
ive missed out on sooo much in my life and not because of anyone except me, holding myself back. so then when i get presented a new opportunity i try my hardest not to hold myself back, but end up being given more than one opportunity and i didn't even take the time to consider the other because i was so focused on what was in front of me at the time. now i regret it because i made the wrong choice and i didnt realize what i already had.. and now i'm quite certain that it's too late. there will be no forgiveness or sympathy for me, not that i really think i deserve it anyway. classic sunn, just classic...i don't know what lesson there is to be learned from this.
Hung out in a big group with my girl and about 10 old friends. One of which I always had a crush on. She just had a baby a few months ago but partite with us. I know her bf slash soon to be presumably husband. During our party she pulled ou several sex toys. Not sure why. I fb messaged her asking how she felt about swinging because I was wondering how it all worked. Think its a shot in the dark, sure thing, no way in hell? What say you? Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Plenty my friend.... I read a something from a book called zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, it was something like " we can be looking and looking for truth but when it knocks on the door we say go away were looking for the truth... so it goes away" or something like that. Don't get so caught up in the moment or in one mentality that you can't see or recognize the opportunities around you. We have to learn to be more receptive and eager to try new things and not let our assumptions corrupt us. Idk about you but 99 times out of 100 when I assume something I'm wrong so the next time I assume I'm right I will know I'm wrong. Idk if any of that makes sense to your situation but it sounds like it to me so if not I apologize. Also don't regret man. That's dwelling on the past and that serves no purpose. You did what you believed was right at the time. Don't apologize for that at all but don't make the same mistake again. Why does everytime I try to give advice it sounds preachy? I hope it doesn't come off that way I only mean to help. I've been really feeling better and these are the things that help me so I'm just trying to get it back out cause I want my friends to be happy.