Is weed ruining our relationship....?

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 3 years. We are both in college. About 6 months ago he started smoking weed occasionally with his friends, and slowly he started smoking more and more, to the point where he would toke by himself in his basement. At first it really bothered me, because my dad's a former cop, but I tried to be understanding and I even smoked once with him to make him feel more comfortable. I think it made him feel weird, though, because I was a beginner smoker and he was more experienced, so we haven't done it again.

Although I don't have a problem with him smoking, I am SO frustrated because it seems he cannot balance our relationship with his smoking. He doesn't invite me to chill with him and his friends (not unusual, but still kinda a slap in the face), I never know where he is, we don't talk on the phone like we used to, our physical intimacy has dwindled ENORMOUSLY (very frustrating), and when I make plans with him, he either tries to bail or tells me that he's tired at 10:30 PM, when I know his friends are probably coming over later on to smoke. I'm also super concerned because his best friend has recently started dealing, and is constantly talking about how the "cops are always trying to ruin my fun". Not the kind of people I'd associate with.....

I don't want to be a buzzkill for him, and if I had more access to weed I'd smoke too. But I don't, and I don't want to change my lifestyle completely just so he'll pay attention to me. This is really bothering me, and I don't know how to approach him about this without sounding accusatory or making myself sound crazy. I think I'm being a reasonable girlfriend--I have tried giving him freedom and space--but I need attention, reassurance, and some real personal time with my boyfriend and I feel like since he's started smoking I have gotten little of all three.

I'm sorry this is so long, but it's not like I can talk to my parents about this. I figured someone here could give me sound advice.

Im sorry but it sounds like he found a new girl... And her name is mary jane.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 3 years. We are both in college. About 6 months ago he started smoking weed occasionally with his friends, and slowly he started smoking more and more, to the point where he would toke by himself in his basement. At first it really bothered me, because my dad's a former cop, but I tried to be understanding and I even smoked once with him to make him feel more comfortable. I think it made him feel weird, though, because I was a beginner smoker and he was more experienced, so we haven't done it again.

Although I don't have a problem with him smoking, I am SO frustrated because it seems he cannot balance our relationship with his smoking. He doesn't invite me to chill with him and his friends (not unusual, but still kinda a slap in the face), I never know where he is, we don't talk on the phone like we used to, our physical intimacy has dwindled ENORMOUSLY (very frustrating), and when I make plans with him, he either tries to bail or tells me that he's tired at 10:30 PM, when I know his friends are probably coming over later on to smoke. I'm also super concerned because his best friend has recently started dealing, and is constantly talking about how the "cops are always trying to ruin my fun". Not the kind of people I'd associate with.....

I don't want to be a buzzkill for him, and if I had more access to weed I'd smoke too. But I don't, and I don't want to change my lifestyle completely just so he'll pay attention to me. This is really bothering me, and I don't know how to approach him about this without sounding accusatory or making myself sound crazy. I think I'm being a reasonable girlfriend--I have tried giving him freedom and space--but I need attention, reassurance, and some real personal time with my boyfriend and I feel like since he's started smoking I have gotten little of all three.

I'm sorry this is so long, but it's not like I can talk to my parents about this. I figured someone here could give me sound advice.

part of being a proper stoner (IMO, at least) is having a certain level of understanding. if you are truly feeling cheated on things he once gave you, you are obligated to call him out on it because that isn't fair to you. he entered the relationship with certain expectations of you and you of him. if he's not making the same effort he once was you won't sound crazy letting him know you've been feeling neglected and unloved. go talk to him and sort this out. if he gets mad he's just an unreasonable doucher and you should just peace the fuck out.

Jaemercs, you spelled warrant wrong. Just thought I'd let you know.

OP, if your boyfriend is picking a plant(drug) over you, I don't know that I personally would stay in that relationship. I think you came to the right place, a bunch of stoners will definitely try and give you both sides.

My fiancee is the one who got me into smoking, and it has helped us become closer. If he doesn't want to smoke with you, beginner or not, then he isn't being a good boyfriend. Let's just take weed out of the picture. He doesn't give you the things that you need (intimacy, attention, and reassurance). If this had occurred without the use of a drug, my bet is that you would be realizing your relationship is coming to an end. You shouldn't try and make excuses for him (lack of better wording) just because he's smoking. You're great for not trying to change him, and in fact trying to participate and become involved in his new lifestyle, even though you were taught that it was bad. It simply sounds like he's not putting in the effort, and you really need to talk to him about this. It's a 3 year relationship, it's not so easy to say "Independent bitches stand up, I don't need no man" so don't think that's what I'm getting at. Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel, and see where things are heading.

Good luck!

In my experience, if you have to ask someone if your relationship is messed up, then it DEFINITELY is. I am really sorry how rude your boyfriend is being, but if he wants to be an ass, you can't really stop him

Jaemercs, you spelled warrant wrong. Just thought I'd let you know.

OP, if your boyfriend is picking a plant(drug) over you, I don't know that I personally would stay in that relationship. I think you came to the right place, a bunch of stoners will definitely try and give you both sides.

My fiancee is the one who got me into smoking, and it has helped us become closer. If he doesn't want to smoke with you, beginner or not, then he isn't being a good boyfriend. Let's just take weed out of the picture. He doesn't give you the things that you need (intimacy, attention, and reassurance). If this had occurred without the use of a drug, my bet is that you would be realizing your relationship is coming to an end. You shouldn't try and make excuses for him (lack of better wording) just because he's smoking. You're great for not trying to change him, and in fact trying to participate and become involved in his new lifestyle, even though you were taught that it was bad. It simply sounds like he's not putting in the effort, and you really need to talk to him about this. It's a 3 year relationship, it's not so easy to say "Independent bitches stand up, I don't need no man" so don't think that's what I'm getting at. Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel, and see where things are heading.

Good luck!

Thats some good advice

Weed never steals a man from a woman. All it does is reveal to the man what the woman really is to him. Then he becomes aware.

Weed never steals a man from a woman. All it does is reveal to the man what the woman really is to him. Then he becomes aware.

Alright, Mr. Marley!

seems strange that he would tell you he's going to bed then have friends come over to hang out later. there might be more than just weed involved in this equation...

regardless, college is the time for having fun and partying, not anonymously crying on a web forum about a dude that would rather smoke weed and hang out with friends than be with you. go have some fun. seems like he is.

he either has some kind of intimate relationship with bud or he is gay .

Probably gay

you probably just let him find his niche of weed, sex, and fruity pebbles
Thats what were all looking for, not a relationship. Well at least in my reality

Make him some edibles, that will make him come back!

Let him put it in your butt. He'll probably pay more attention to you after that.