I got to the stage with smoking that I was doing it from start to finish, 2 grams was no longer an occasion but part of my daily, hazy routine. Eventually after a good year+ of this lifestyle I hit a weird boredom of life but yet couldn't go through the day without the sweet, sweet MJ. Knowing this wasn't a good sign, I decided it was time to chill for a bit. After the first few days of the T-B I began to notice that
- Struggled to get involved with life, with very little interest in doing so
- I was getting very little enjoyment out of being sober
- my focus was shot to pieces
- appetite was screwed at first, with no interest in eating
- my levels of paranoia and anxiety dropped
- found it difficult to sleep
- I was remembering my dreams again for the first time in a while
- I managed to "escape my head" and was living much more in the moment
After a few days I began to realise just how much I had been missing out on by smoking all the time. I could get just as much out of life (if not more) by being sober when I should have been. I doubt much of this will come as anything ground breaking but the fact that I even experienced this when I had always felt that I was relatively "on top" of everything came as a bit of a wake up call. I was smoking all the time because weed had came along and made life seem better... at least initially.
After a while all I was doing was floating through life with no true appreciation for things any more. I couldn't concentrate on video games, exercise, drawing or any of the other things that I really do enjoy doing without being high. Looking back in retrospect that shit was fucked up, because I did hit a stage where I was vaping every few hours without even asking myself why.
I'm not medicinal so what was my excuse for such habits... was it indulgence? Boredom? Malaise? Simply an escape from reality? It was probably a good mix of a lot of things but the end result was that smoking that often messed with my base appreciation for life. To anyone out there who smokes everyday, I would press you to ask yourself if what you are doing is actually conducive to a happy life. When I sobered up I began to realise that weed was simply filling a void that I had created myself through smoking that much weed.
Sure I get the whole concept of "one man's meat, another man's poison" but is it really all that healthy to smoke through EVERYTHING? If this was any other form of substance I would be accused of addiction but yet weed seems to be a socially acceptable form of addiction for most people - with the #smokeweedeveryday lifestyle now being somewhat cool. When I started smoking I never imagined I would get to this stage and now that I have, I never want to again. While I will continue to smoke and have no intention to ever stop, I have had what alcoholics would call "a moment of clarity" (yes I watched pulp fiction this morning) and the way in which I treat weed is going to completely change.
I now feel that smoking everyday to just "get by" is a form of escape for whatever reason. No amount of hostile comments about how it isn't bad for you or addictive will ever change this for me now. If you aren't smoking for medical reasons, then I've came to the conclusion that really you shouldn't be smoking 24/7 and that nothing truly satisfying would ever come from that. This goes especially for smoking to deal with depression/anxiety etc -all of which I have had more than my fair share of. While it might suck, it's much better to face your life head on than float through it. Do something about your life rather than living in a state of bliss ignorance, because when the ride is over you run the risk of being disappointed with the reality.
You can still smoke weed everyday and not be accused of this but I see a big difference between going through life high and smoking after your day is done to relax etc. One adds to your enjoyment life, while the other replaces it with this fake sense of appreciation - more of a deception of yourself than anything.
WHATS THAT, TOO MANY WORDS SO YOU DIDN'T READ YOU SAY?
Stop smoking so much if your just ambling through your life high for no real reason. We can all enjoy life sober, we just need to try harder... plus I'd rather save the money, get higher and get more out of smoking a joint. Thoughts?