Help Lonely Stoner Dependent on Weed

Im not sure what I'm doing here typing thing but oh well. Around an hour ago i got into the shower and almost as soon as i was about ready to do my business i started to think about all the shit wrong with my life and so began a half an hour of self-pity. Since as long as I can remember (around fifth grade i think) I've been a loner, one day i guess i decided to stop hanging with all the other kids. Once i stopped it felt almost impossible to really connect with anyone in school again. If it weren't for a couple of cousins and bonding/doing things less than occasionally with my mom and sister I would have been completely isolated from every living thing from 6th grade on. And it only got worse. My dad would soon be forced to quit his job and i would watch as my family turned disfunctional, which, probably along side being antisocial, caused me to go into depression as an almost 7th grader. (even though my parents were divorced my dad stayed with us because he had no place to live so a was you could imagine how that was like) My sister soon moved out, a couple years later my mom started to date a nice guy so i didnt really see her so much, but it was okay because I found a friend to hangout with. After a couple months him and I and other people we hung out with got into mary j and everything was okay, but i still felt depression lurking around. (I forgot to emphasize how much time i spent with my cousins back then, they were baically my best friends i hungout with them every weekend during school and 4 out 7 days on break. I stopped hanging out with them eventually after hanging with my new friend.) I got into a situation where i stopped hanging out with anyone for 3 or 4 weeks and i think it let my depression surface enough so i didn't really talk that much around other people which strayed me from my new friends. It got worse when I went to a party and got black out drunk and my mom dad and sister took care of and worried about me, which sadly was the first time my family had bonded in 5 years. Anyways, the got me more depressed for the next couple of weeks and i stopped doing anything with my friends so once again I became isolated, only this time i dont have my cousins or my sister, and my mom and i dont really talk to eachother that much either. I think ill just stop it there its getting too long anyways.

On to the actual question, I've been pretty much isolated from eveyone else for 4 weeks yet again and while drowning in self-pity an hour ago I got the idea that weed could be blocking me from becoming social again. I don't know if it's the fact I haven't been socializing and thats why i have become horribly socially awkward around other people, or its that weed has caused it. Maybe while isolated and high, I'm accepting it and feel alright, but when I'm not I'm depressed and depend on that high to be accepting of my anti-socialism. I noticed when Im high around people i don't talk as much and it makes me feel more awkward, and when I'm not high around people Ive been one of those guys that don't really talk much or just a guy in the background of a group, which is still pretty awkward. Smoking weed alone has become one of the only things that makes me happy, or just passes the time while not feeling bad about myself. Could weed be acting like a stop sign or something and is just pushing off the depression for when I'm not high? What should i do to help get rid of my depression? Im desperate

Weed is not the cause of your issue, but it augments your issue. If your a loner, drugs and weed will just make your more antisocial. I spent a lot of time alone as a kid, as I started smoking weed, I found myself more content when I smoked weed by myself doing my thing. It has since spilled for to how I related with people socially. My desire is less to hang out with people, but to relax alone. A break from weed, may let you clear your head. You blame a lot of your problems on your childhood, but you have to realize that you can't rely on the excuse. So many people have had tough childhoods, life is so cut throat that if you can't get over it and persevere you are going to fall apart. Lifes about keeping a straight face and working towards the future.

wow you sound a lot like me. different background story but basically the same thing. ive always had friends but i never felt like i had a best friend. i was never able to tell anyone my true deep thoughts or feelings. and now ive been out of school for 5 years. i got into a lot of drugs and doing stupid shit.

but now i live in a different state. no friends or anything. sure ill talk to a few people at the bar once in awhile but it never goes past that. ive been out of my hometown/state for almost 2 years and ive only seen like 5-6 of my friends a few times. other than that, i live in the middle of nowhere and i do nothing but smoke weed and work. i feel like a prisoner in my own body. in my own home. and yes, smoking weed does make everything feel better, or less worse...

if im high by myself i feel fine cause i usually dont think about how pathetic i am. but whether im high or sober and im in public, i get very anxious. and anytime i see a bunch of people my age just hanging out or having a good time, i wish i could have that. and from there i put myself down. telling myself ill never have that cause im a fucked up person. and i am. or when i see a cute girl (which is pretty rare in the middle of bumfuck wisconsin) i have all these "what if" questions popping in my head. but again, i put myself down.

fuck man, i knew i could have gotten with a couple of girls out here but ive turned them down. and not just cause i have extreme social anxiety, but cause i believe i would be a horrible person to them. not like im going to beat them or anything. i just dont give a flying fuck about most peoples opinions, or stories, or really anything that comes out of their mouths. and the weird thing is i wish i did care.

but back to your main question. yes i do believe in our situation, weed is not helping our scenario. we dont feel comfortable, or confident. especially around other people. so we withdraw ourselves from any social situation as much as possible and sugar coat/numb our feelings with weed.

and as good as a job weed has done that for me, its wearing off. its becoming boring. typical. the usual. its just not working anymore. and i know i could always go back to doing all sorts of other drugs. but ive been down that road and i dont want that shit anymore. i just need to throw myself out there and live. be confident with myself. be comfortable in my own skin. and i think the only way i could truly do that is to travel. i want to live in a van and travel the country. why do i think thatll work? well for one, im going to be all over the place. seeing all sorts of cities and people. and i dont have a real home to hide in, you know? ill always technically be outside. out and about. and i think being exposed to the world and having to not only survive, but having the ability, the freedom to go anywhere the fuck i want, when i want. perhaps you should consider this.

anyways, i hope my sob story helped you out a little. it sucks but hey. i have my health and thats really anyone could really ask for. right?

Hey man I know where you're coming from, a lot of that shit sounds so familiar (especially the dysfunctional family, antisocial part) that you could be describing my life instead. I don't know if I'm completely over the hill myself but I've found that two things help (me): persevere in hanging out with your friends. If they don't invite you to hang out, ask them what they're doing and if you can hang with them. Second, find some intellectual pursuit you really enjoy and stick with it. For me, it's maths and philosophy (yeah I know, a stoner into philosophy, what else is new? But I should add that I go for moral philosophy rather than existential or anything metaphysical).

If none of that stuff works then I guess you could try stop smoking weed. But really, the social aspect of smoking weed is pretty heartening in itself. Meaning, find people to smoke with!

Thanks guys this actually helped, and now I know im not alone when it comes to this. I decided to bite the bullet and go to parties whenever someone mentions it and ask people who I sometimes talk to but never hang out with to chill. Im also laying off the weed for now to see if that helps. And JustOneMoreCone i don't have enough money right now to pick up a subject like that, but I have always been interested in psychology, carpentry (i want to build a house one day), and chemistry. Im going to try to get a better job so I could maybe pay for my courses, or if i really needed to I could call up one of a few people i know interested in growing and maybe start selling (Ive helped people grow before so I would know what I'm doing), but thats a last resort

tl;dr

Stop smoking weed and get out .....

The brain is like plastic, it will form connections to adapt to the environment and the circumstances, and experiences that you go through. I was bullied too OP, since middle school, and was diagnosed with an autistic disorder. As i grew up i learned to be very distrustful of people. This was way before i smoked weed, I had little confidence, i didn't have severe anxiety, but i simply didn't like hanging out with people. It drained me, now it just plain annoys me. Weather you were destined to smoke weed or not, i believe that your life is unfolding as we speak!! WEED has taught me that to master the art of living life mindfully you need to eliminate TEMPTATIONS, I don't recommend you stop smoking weed though, as i am sure it will only hit you hard later on after you become addicted to alcohol or whatnot. If you feel like the next phase of your life is to make friends and be social, then by all means go and have fun!!! all the best luck from a fellow loner now be happy weather its with people or not

It's a lot about positive thinking. Don't use weed for being content with boredom/antisocialism but as a medicine of light heartlessness to project happiness. I think what u need is to stop thinking negative about anything in your situation and work towards any Goal u can work for that would make u happy. Just trying to do what makes u happy will make u happy good luck god bless and stay positive!!!