Technically not a bathroom story but...I cook at a restaurant and we have a few regulars. One of then is an olderish lady. One night she gets up to leave a bit after closing. The waitress, we'll call her D, walks back to the dining room and clear their table. She goes "Maynard! Come out here. Quick." I walk out of the kitchen to find her staring at the chair. I walk up and she goes,"What the fuck is that?!" I look down. It's poop. No doubt about it. I walk away laughing my ass off. Sorry she has to clean that up and go back to my kitchen clean up. A few minutes later, an oldr guy comes in to see if the woman and her friends are still there (it's like the Golden Girls; old ladies that gossip and he is like the old dude trying to bang them all) I tell him that they aren't there and he leaves. About a minute later he walks back in. I leave the kitchen and ask him what's up. He asks if he had anything on his "slacks" because when he opened the door he stuck his hand in something. (I think you can see where this is headed) I tell him no and he grabs a napkin wipin off his hand. He smells his hand ad literally goes, "Shit. This smells like shit!" I die laughing on the inside. He leaves and I tell D about it and to check the door. Sure enough there is God damn poop smeared on the outside of the door. I put two ad two together (4?) and realize that this lady uses a walker and uses her ass to push the door open. The owner's son stops by while I'm absolutely losing it in the kitchen and I explain to him what happened. He laughs as hard as me and tells D to bleach everything that she touched or may have touched. Don't get me wrong I felt bad for D having to clean it and for the lady for her explosive colon but if it ain't my shit or my dog's shit, I ain't touchin' it. Sorry if that was a novel but I got a laugh, I hope you guys do too.
Last semester my friend and I were at the bar one night, and we both have to piss. The bathroom has 3 urinals, all empty. My friend and I take the ones on the ends. A guy comes in as were pissing and steps up to the middle urinal. When I turned to leave the guy turned his head and smiled and said "you know you have really beautiful blue eyes". I'm like "thanks man I appreciate it" haha I didn't know what to do. As I walk out I see my friend just staring at me like "wtf?!?" I always forget to smoke because I get high and distracted.
Other than hearin shit splatter I got nothin to share. For the people who are paving the bathroom tiles with there aids infected shit, thats some dumbass kid shit. I can already imagine a 17 year old with a bitch made skater haircut with cargo shorts runnin out the bathroom tellin his friends "YO DUDE I JUST TOOK A SHIT ON THE FLOOR" ( gay ass laugh )..
In elementary school we used to have competitions to see who could piss into the urinals from the farthest away, you'd walk in and there would just be 4 or 5 dudes like 10 feet back spraying piss everywhere Oh yeah and I remember one of the special ed kids shit in the sink and the urinal I think I realize now why that janitor was such a grumpy bastard Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I was washing my hands in the Men's room at Wal-Mart a couple months back, when I hear grunting in one of the stalls. I try to shrug it off, but then I hear the person in there go, "Ffffuuuuuuuck". At this point, I can't help but grin. As I go to get paper towels, an OLD WOMAN comes stumbling out of the stall, dildo in hand. She looks me dead in the eyes and says, "It's like trying to put a watermelon in a goddamn keyhole." And then she just walks off. At this point, I'm laughing like a fucking hyena and making a complete ass of myself. My boyfriend had to come see if I was okay. We went out to the car, and I told him about it. We both laughed for a good little bit.
I was in Bangkok at this club awhile ago and this chick bought me a whiskey shot (at like 1am I'm already shit faced) and as soon as I take it I know I have to fucken puke ASAP. Find the washrooms but am too drunk to see which is which and I just run to the nearest stall and land the most perfectly aimed puke in the shitter. I leave and the bathroom guy who gives you towels and shit was there and I don't say shit I just slip him 500 baht (like $15) and walk back to the chick like nothing happened Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Finally, a usefull thread! Ok, true story, it's the web, right? On I-95 in Maine, the rest area's used to have those composting toilets. They caught a guy down inside the ladies toilets, in a raincoat, scoping thing's out. It wasn't awkward for me, but I figured I'd post it anyway. Can you say desperate? Hard up? I heard it on the local news, and LMAO! it must of been a shitty day for that guy. :EDIT: No, it wasn't me!
Oh my god the thread I've been waiting to find for so long... So here it goes: One day back when I was 16 me and my friends Dan, Dave, and Mike are all walking around Six Flags. We decide to stop and get something to eat so we all sat down with our food. My friend Dan decided that he has to fart extremely bad and let's one rip. The problem was that a fart wasn't the only thing that came out; he completely shit his pants. So right after he sharts he looks Mike straight in the eyes and says "Mike go get me a napkin" and Mike is like why don't you get it. Then Dan says I think I just sharted and he always used to say that so none of us took him seriously. We tell him to go to the bathroom to check and so he stands up and Mike and Dave's eyes basically light up and they start dying of laughter. I didn't know what they were laughing at so I turn around to see Dan and he has a HUGE shit stain running all the way down his bright blue cargo shorts. We all absolutely die laughing while he attempts to hide it the best he could be pulling his shirt down basically to his knees while walking. Luckily for Dan he was wearing tight boxers so the shit couldn't run down his leg but it still made an unforgettable stain on his pants. Dan got in the bathroom and said that he tried flushing the boxers down the toilet which obviously didn't work and called his mom to go buy him a new pair of shorts. So his mom brings us the shorts to give to him so he changes into the shorts and decides to throw the shit boxers and shorts in the garbage since they wouldn't flush. Some guy saw him doing it and gave him the weirdest look he ever received (only part that ties into the Awkward bathroom situation topic, got a little of topic sorry) but all in all it was one of the funniest day ever. We will never let Dan live that down.
I'm sorry. Black Thunder 2.0 belongs to me now. She's more than welcome to EARN it back. 12 a.m. sharp outside Hideki sensei's dojo. Katanas only. Come alone.
Lol my dad's friend who's a girl would always fuck w/ other girls in the bathrooms of really expensive country clubs, etc. She'd say things like, "Corn? What the hell? I don't remember eating corn!" Lmao watching the people come out of the br was classic.
Went out for dinner with my family, which we did not normally do but it was someone's birthday(I do not recall whom) and decided to dine at an East Side Mario's. The food was alright and the atmosphere was fun, near the end of the night I needed to use the restroom, upon entering through the first door I could smell fecal matter intensely but went on because I had not finished my meal yet and had to go. I get through the second door and wow.... There was shit EVERYWHERE, I mean someone had taken their poop and rubbed it over the walls, stall doors, it was almost as if they had attempted to plaster the walls. Most disturbing resturaunt experience ever.
"East side Mario's, east side Mario's, who put the poop on the wall!" Is what my father started singing a few days later when we seen one of the commercials for the place play on television ahh man I laughed so hard.
Back in high school I used to gather a group of friends and we would cover the ground in piss. The effort I made to coordinate the dumbest things still makes me laugh to this day. There would be 5-6 of us, the first guy would be furthest from the door peeing and once he's done the next guy pees a little closer to the door until everyone has pissed and the washroom floor is covered in it. I organized it that way so no man would need to stand in another mans piss. The janitors were suspicious it was us and hated us but there was never proof to suspend us with.
I was taking a piss in the last stall of a local grocery store since the other stalls were out of order or nasty as fuck. While I'm taking a piss I'm checking my phone at the same time, and after a minute or so I hear, "are you gonna stand there and check your phone all day" come from outside the stall. I look to my left and notice a gap in between the door and the wall of the stall and I see some guy in his early 30's with the most pissed off face I've ever seen glaring at me. Right before I walked out the stall I couldn't even gather the words to say to this slimy motherfucker, but I looked down at the toilet seat and realized I pissed all over it while checking my phone. I opened the door, stared at this guy with the biggest smile on my face and walked out hahahah. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I remember back in middle school, we were all in the computer lab one day for English working on Powerpoints. The kid sitting next to me was a complete jerk off, he'd always get in trouble and he was obnoxious as fuck for no reason, one of those people. Anyways, the kid gets up to go to the bathroom and he's gone for a pretty long time...like 15 minutes. Well I'm working on my PowerPoint and all of a sudden the door to the lab opens and this kid walks in and sits back down...but something wasn't right. This kid smelled like he was conceived from a piece of shit. This motherfucker smelled like DEATH. Everyone in the class starts noticing and I saw some of the nastiest facial reactions I've ever seen in my life. Ten minutes or so goes by of kids talking about this smell and pointing him out as the suspect and the principal comes in the lab and calls this kid's name. Apparently he smeared shit all over the bathroom walls and cleaned himself up and came back to class. Fucking nasty. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I don't really have any but a couple weeks ago a lady at my work slipped on a piss puddle and fell in in lol.