A poem I wrote - any good?

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by NFloyd2357, May 5, 2012.

  1. Ok, I write A LOT - Tons of poems and lyrics mostly. I found this poem i did a while ago, and its done very different than how i usually write. Very odd rhythm, and I'm not sure if i can find the rhythm/line up all the rhymes only because I know how it goes. very off beat, etc - but I like it, I like the message - i'm just curious if others (those who DIDNT WRITE IT lol) can follow the rhythm to it, etc.

    I don't mind criticism. Let me know what you guys think. thanks!


     
  2. I found a good rhythm to it, but then i lost it to like a spanish dance rhythm in my head.
     
  3. You know what, im sick of posting shit up here and never getting any feedback, you see your views go up but you only ever get 2 or 3 comments if you're lucky, i wish these folk who read it - even if they have nothing to say - would merely leave a comment saying yeah i liked that or no it didn't really hit the spot for me. you know what i mean? fuck it, i'm just in a pissed off mood the now, sorry.

    anyway.
    seriously... i fucking love this... read it over 3 or 4 times now and i like it more each time. You'r flow is fucking ace man and i love the word choice . The way it drops in and out of rhyming is also beautiful, it seems throw in that odd rhyme or two just where you want to hear one and i lover poems that do that. The content is reallly really good too, my favourite bit was probably;
    Reality, no more defined, inside a dream
    I walk, confined.
    It bothered me no more-
    No less, still left confused.
    Amused in all the madness that
    has since become my muse.

    the staggering of the words is just great. really nice job man, it's a piece to be proud of. Do you write much poetry or just the odd one here and there?
     
  4. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond, man. And even more glad you liked it! I know what you mean about nobody commenting haha, it can be aggravating, but as an artist/writer/musician, lack of appreciation towards my work is something i've, unfortunately, become accustomed to. I've got that thick skin, now, that comes with the territory of being an artist haha.

    Anyways, yea I write a ton of poetry - I have about 4 moleskines filled right now, though i've been in a dry-streak lately/havent written too much, but i plan on ending that soon. I might change the title of this thread and start posting more of my poetry if i get more reception to the first poem. Thanks again man, it means the world to me when people can take a little of their time to read my works and give me feedback. it means even more when its appreciated, so thanks again

    [edit] - and HOLY CRAP man just noticed Elliott in your sig, that just made me like you 10 times more haha. one of my favorite poets (yes, i just called him that) - though i love his music aspect too. I've found a ton of my music and lyrics, lately, are heavily influenced by him. and, though i can't say too much more (rules, rules, rules), i'm pretty sure its because he and I shared some very similar life-problems and burdens on our shoulder
     
  5. Dude that shit's dope, I thought it had a good rhythm; you didn't overdo it though like i've seen in a lot of other stuff.

    My favorite part:
    "Dream the day away through sleepless nights
    of the rest, I do without.
    The smoke's settled, the sounds subside-
    Left alone inside my mind.
    Maddened no more by what's come to be-
    enjoy my own solemn company."
     
  6. bump :eek:

    i'll just assume the 100 people that viewed this didn't like it :/
     
  7. I liked it, had an old beat style of rhyme, I started by reading it silently and ended it out loud. Sorry for the short reply im on my phone.
     

  8. thanks man/1 more bump :D:eek::smoke:
     
  9. I'm not a poetry buff by any means but in in my opinion that was a very good piece
     

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