Why did everyone think princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
what? want to hear a dirty joke? a white horse fell in a puddle of mud. This guy walks into a bar. That must of hurt. What makes camping such an extreme adventure? You're always in tents! Why are Pirates, Pirates? Because they ARRRRRRE! What type of movies to pirates like best? The ones that are rated ARRRRR! What do you call a deaf deer? does it matter? it can't hear you Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't been invented yet Why did the one handed man cross the road? To get to the seccond-hand shop
What did 50 Cent say when he got a sweater for his birthday? Gee, you knit! Person 1: Have you seen the movie Gay People Say No"? Person 2: No...why? Person 1: Haha you're gay
So theres two white guys and a mexican in a forest, and they kid kidnapped by the local tribe. The chief gives them an option: he says "look, you guys can each pick a fruit that ill shove up your ass at the same time, but if you laugh...ill kill you." So the 3 guys go "okay fine whatever." So the 2 white guys choose grapes and right when they shove it up their ass they bust up laughing so the chief and tribe cut off their heads. When they get to heaven God goes "what the fuck guys, they are just grapes, what the hell was so funny?" And the white guys go "The mexican chose a watermelon."
" Hey, when you wipe your butt do use your right or left hand?" " I use my right/left hand" "Gross, i use toilet paper."
if you want to know more about paranoids, follow them around. what the difference between Santa and Tiger woods? santa stopped after the third ho What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of there last big hits were the wall.
lol If you were in a pool up to your shoulders of piss and someone was going to dump a bucket of shit on your head, would you dive under the piss water to avoid the shit falling on your head or just let the shit fall on your head? *victim answers either one* *maybe begins to reason why* you say- "gross man i'd just get out." - ask anyone this, store clerks friends etc, try to disguise it though so they don't get suspicious. "do you have a carfor?" or "do you know where i could get a carfor?" "whats a carfor?" "you know, driving around." it also works with henway. " do you have a henway?" "what's a henway" "oh, about 4 or 5 pounds." the good thing about jokes is that you can switch it up all the time. when i tell long story jokes i usually improvise details as i go along as long as you get the main points and the punchline right the other stuff is just filler to build emphasis.
what seperates man from sheep/animals? a thin layer of latex. A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home so she puts her lover in the closet not realizing that her son is hiding in there. The little boy says ''It's dark in here'' The man replies ''Yes, it is'' Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$250" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball glove." The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$750" Man - "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy - "$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again!''
what's Bruce Lee's favorite drink? WATAAAAAAAAAAAA JOKES LIKE THIS below are funny to troll your teacher with if you happen to have science classes. If H20 is water what is H204? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . . Two atoms are walking down the street. Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The other says, "Are you sure??" "Yes, I'm positive!" how do you check the sex of a chromosome? pull down it's genes what do you call a cow with 2 legs? lean beef what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? bob what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on stage? mike what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? rustle there's a bunch of those no arm,no leg jokes around.
^ What do you call a man with no arms and legs lying on the floor? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and legs hanging on a wall? Art.
What do a gyneocologist and a pizza guy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it. 666th post