Concerning Drug Tests, And Those To Be Tested... (A HOW TO)

Hey all, LONG time lurker, first time poster here. First off, I just want to say hey to all of you in the community and a special thanks to those who have given of their time to help build this resource to what it has become.

The reason I'm posting this today is to let you guys in on the so-called "miracle" I experienced with regards to drug testing this past week. I got so excited that I simply had to break down and tell you guys what happened. A little background on me: I would consider myself to be a "heavy" cannabis user, which includes daily consumption or "many sessions per week" for months. If I were to quantify, I would say that my lowest intake level was something in the arena of 2-3 times per week for no more than 2 or 3 weeks, the highest intake level being 2-5 sessions per day for a period of roughly 3 months, and the average intake probably coming out to something around 5-8 sessions per week. I would define a "session" as the consumption of anywhere from 2-5 bowls of dank or 4-10 bowls of reg when the good business is unavailable in this area. Lol yeah, it's a big part of my life. I'd go so far as to call it my hobby.

I had applied for a new position that I found out required a drug test as a prerequisite for employment. Considering that my time between jobs had savaged my savings, I knew that this was somewhat of a "make or break" moment for me in terms of maintaining my quality of life. My last toke was a mere 40 hours from the time of the test (I had received notice of the requirement very abruptly and was required to comply with an appointment time frame the employer had set, so no hope of postponing and allowing for detox ), so I knew right away that my options were limited. To be honest, I was completely freaking out!

(As a quick aside, I should probably address the obvious question: why was I smoking when I knew that I was going to have to seek a new employer? I just moved to this area 4 months ago from a previous location that is by and large accepting of the consumption of cannabis. I have never been forced to submit to drug testing in my life, and the idea of this occurring had not even crossed my mind. Word to the wise: DONT just think that you can skate by with a drug test "tricking" method if your livelihood is on the line. This was a horrifically terrifying experience, and the risk is not worth the reward. That being said, if you are finding yourself in this scenario, I hope my experience gives you insight and comfort in the fact that it IS possible to persevere.)

I stayed up all night with a sickening feeling in my stomach as I desperately researched any and all conceivable methods to thwart a drug test. I learned all about the metabolic processes of the body, various myths regarding what does and does not work to detoxify your system, potential substances to mask my urine, the concept of dilution, the methods of drug testing facilities, the procedure that I was to undergo, the level of privacy, and other individuals' experiences. In those moments, I finally felt an incredible amount of sympathy for the numerous posts I had seen on this site from desperately concerned individuals after YEARS of being annoyed by their prevalence. There were hundreds, if not thousands, of different ideas and suggestions that all claim to be the best choice. Who on the internet could I trust? I had a sinking feeling that my answer was going to be "none of the above."

After many hours of research, I came to the conclusion that there was absolutely no way to detoxify my system in time. I also concluded that dilution to the point of lowering the metabolites in my body that would trigger a positive test was a fool's errand as well: If I didn't dilute enough, they would definitely detect the large amounts in my system, but if I diluted too much they would discover that my urine was basically just water and cause me to fail the test (I was told that I only would receive one test, whether the test was conclusive or not. I don't know if they were bluffing or not, but I wasn't prepared to call them on it.) I knew that my only hope of cheating this test would be to use what is conventionally called a "drug screen;" a chemical of some variety that will either react with my urine to inherently change my urine's composition or cause the test to deliver a false negative. Even after coming to this conclusion, I was still perplexed. There are many different options, and almost all of them have some telltale sign that would tip off even the most passively engaged lab specialist. Besides, most of the methods involved smuggling something into the location itself, and I was very unsure about the level of security or if they would be watching me or searching my person. Finally, I stumbled upon this:

Erowid Experience Vaults: Cannabis & Drug Testing - Aspirin/Water miracle - 43769

This poster was the same relative weight as me, so I figured this was my best shot. My final decision was this: I would heed this man's advice and additionally devise a plot to sneak a bottle of Visine into the location. If I was unable, I would at least be able to fall back on the method that the author of the advice claims has a chance of working.

The next morning, I consumed 4 325mg aspirin and a BUNCH of water. I knew that I would be able to take the test by 4pm of the next day, but for some reason I felt that getting this thing over with right away would be the best choice. Thankfully, my sensibility won out and I decided to delay until the final possible time. That evening, I went out and ordered a bunch of red meat (to boost my creatinine and b vitamin levels) and ate it all. I woke up the next day, consumed an additional 4 325mg of aspirin around the hour of 9:30, and waited about 4 hours before driving to the test center. For the duration of my wait, I drank approximately 10 tall glasses of water and made it a point to urinate 4 times prior to my sample urination. I noted that the color of my urine was still a faint yellow (perhaps due to the fact that I had eaten at least one portion of red meat for the prior 4 days, with a massive one the day prior. I can't be sure, but if you're attempting to emulate my results I would try my best to follow what I did as exactly as possible.) I grabbed my Visine bottle, a roll of tape, and headed down the road to a McDs across the street from the test center.

This part gets a little embarrassing. I entered a stall, and proceeded to attempt taping the bottle in the place underneath my scrotum but before my anus. I figured that, even under the most stringent of supervision, one would be unable to pat me down and find a small bottle taped to my gouche/abcd/whateveryouwanttocallthisvulgararea. Even if they were to watch me urinate whilst naked, I was positive that this area was invisible from every angle. If I made it in, I'd be able to further tamper with the sample freely with no problems. If it was a supervised test, I would be able to abort that idea and go along with the erowid poster's method. It felt win-win-win-win for every conceivable outcome.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that I live in a rather humid part of the south combined with my extreme nervousness, this area was FAR too sweaty to possibly allow tape to stick. I desperately struggled with different taping techniques in the McDs bathroom stall, cringing with the sound the tape made as I would pull out more with each failed experiment. It was probably quite clear to anyone else in the restroom that I was doing something very strange, and I ultimately aborted the plan. This is almost agonizing for me to type, but I feel that you guys have to hear what doesn't work if you are to effectively arm yourself with enough knowledge to pass this thing. Write it down: Taping Visine to gouche below the mason dixon = fail.

Before I left the stall, I decided to experiment by placing the bottle between the cheeks of my buttocks. I found that I could walk normally with the bottle wedged in the crack, and that (at least, in my situation) the bottle was not visible if aligned properly. I could even sit down and stand up while retaining the bottle in its position with little to no adjustment needed. I walked out (bottle in place) to get in my car and drive across the street. No issues at all.

When I finally put the car in park, I felt a wave of anxiety rush over me. This Visine issue was really starting to throw what little confidence I had in this plan working out. I took the bottle out of its hiding place, placed it in my cup holder, and decided to intentionally leave some mandatory paperwork in my vehicle so I would have an opportunity to go in and at least scope out the premises of the test center that I was trying to infiltrate. I went in, signed in, and took a look around. It was a small white room with a tv and a few magazines sitting on a table next to two rows of chairs. On the far wall there was a door that lead to what I assumed at the time was the place where I would be peeing. With my heart racing, I told the lady behind the bulletproof glass administrative window that I had forgotten my paperwork in the car, and that I would be back in a quick minute.

I got out to the car and desperately attempted to somehow conceal the Visine in my sandal. At this point, I was cursing myself for not having thought enough about the manner with which I would smuggle the tiny bottle into the testing center. I found this to be for naught, and decided to simply pocket the bottle and pray for a lack of pat down/gown requirement.

I made it back into the center with my paperwork in hand (Visine in my left cargo pocket) and heard my name called not 4 seconds after I opened the door. She pointed to me and another girl, and simply commanded "come with me." She directed the girl into the room across from me, a small room with a toilet, a lock box, and nothing else. She commanded that I enter what looked like a doctors examination room. I mentally flipped out. Was this a hair follicle test or something??? I'm surely screwed. It turned out that she only had to fill out my paperwork while she instructed me to empty my pockets.

It was the moment of truth. I emptied everything into a little plastic bin, with the exception of the tiny bottle, and carried it with me into a second bathroom area much like the one I had seen the girl enter moments before. The technician instructed me to place my belongings in the lockbox, lock it, and give her the key when I was finished. She then shut the door, and I was faced with a quick decision to make: do I chicken out and place the Visine in the basket to be locked in the box??? If she does any form of patting or forces me to remove any clothing, there would be no way for me to legitimately explain why I had happened to forget to lock away an item that just so happens to be a known drug screen. If I didn't risk it, I was placing my trust firmly in the hands of some random internet poster who claims that the trick to fooling a drug test is a large dose of aspirin. My emotions got the best of me (now that I look back, probably for the better), and I folded like a cheap card table. The Visine went in the basket, and the basket went in the lockbox. At this point, I'm making rediculously grand promises to whatever gods may be in return for a positive outcome.

I gave the lady the key, she examined the room, and handed me the cup. "Give me half a cup," she said. "Sure thing, I really have to piss," I joked back. I don't think she was in the laughing mood. Then again, if my job involved handling piss all day, I wouldn't be either.

I started urinating in the toilet, being mindful of the research I had done that explained that the "purest" urine will be the middle third. I scooped up the middle bit, and finished my business in the toilet. Just as it was back home, the urine was a faint yellow in coloration, just enough for an individual to lack suspicion of dilution. Despite this fact, I still felt as though I was screwed.

It turns out I wasn't! During my first day of training, my instructor pointed me out in my class of three and said "I'm still waiting on your test, your results should come in about 10 or so minutes, because you took the test on a friday." I nearly shat myself. In a couple minutes, the phone rang, he answered, said thank you, and looked straight at me. "You passed, welcome on board!" he said. I beamed a smile that just might eventually bring about world peace.

In conclusion, to those of you on this forum right now who have taken the time to read this in its entirety ( bravo, by the way! I wrote it mostly for educational purposes and partially to get your mind off your burden. This was a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy), I would recommend this to even the most frequent of cannabis consumers. 1300mg aspirin roughly 30 hours prior, then another 1300mg 4 hours prior, and consume a substantial amount of fluids in the four hour waiting period while ensuring that you urinate at LEAST 3 times to ensure dilution. As I mentioned before, the red meat idea isn't a bad call either, as it contains the two major chemical components that cause your urine to have the "specific gravity" that it has if they suspect foul play. By loading up on those chemicals and diluting your body's "actual" urine, you are in essence creating a form of synthetic urine that has cannabis-related metabolite levels that are ideally much lower than the threshold for testing. In addition, the aspirin SHOULD throw off the test and allow for a false negative, provided that the test is an EMIT test (which the majority of testing labs use for their initial testing. If that tests positive at usually a point higher than 50ng, THEN they go on to a more "heavy duty" test to ensure accuracy.) Finally, regarding the Visine, I just wanted to state that I feel that this method is sufficient in throwing the test off the trail. Adding a multitude of adulterants is bound to get your sample flagged, and in my humble opinion the Visine may have ended up doing more harm than good. You must know that I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination, I can only give you advice based on this method that, according to both the erowid poster and me, will work for even heavy cannabis consumers. GOOD LUCK, friends. I wish you all success with this method! It sure as hell helped me!!!

 

Not at all... Quite the opposite in fact. If you didn't read the post, what would lead you to believe that I am attempting to "get people busted," as you so eloquently put it? It's also worth noting that failing a drug test is a far-cry from being caught or apprehended for a cannabis-related crime, as drug testing of this nature is done in relative anonymity and cannot result in arrest. There is no logical reason for me (or anyone for that matter) to falsely lead others to fail their drug tests. Give yourself a hand for the least well thought out post I think I've ever seen on this forum in 3 years of lurking.

As for the length of my post, anyone who has been in the situation that requires immediate action regarding a drug test has surely been frustrated and disappointed by the amount of inadequate and misleading information out there. Simply put, so much of the stuff that's stated is completely untested. What I did in this situation was apply a method that had been claimed to be affective for consistent and regular cannabis users and subsequently report my findings. I found that my findings corroborate the initial claim made by the erowid article. I am submitting the fully-detailed account of the circumstances (even the less than pleasant parts) in the hopes that others who are in this bind may have the opportunity to attempt it as well and even FURTHER corroborate the initial claim.

This post was not intended for the casual tuesday night browser of this forum; It was intended for those who are in a desperate situation RIGHT NOW and need advice on what has worked in the past. Those who have perhaps had a similar experience (or maybe the opposite?) with this method will hopefully chime in so as to get to the bottom of this age old question: how do we get around those damned drug tests? This is the intent of this post. There is no need to make accusations regarding my intent here. Anyone in a drug test situation is as free to try this method as they are to not try it. Do some research, learn the science of the body, you'll find that this is a viable and reasonable method for attempting to fool a drug test.

 

To be honest with you, I considered it. There were two major problems:

1) Considering the ending of my contract with my previous employer occurring many weeks prior, I simply didn't have the money or resources to obtain a synthetic or a devise with which I could deposit the synthetic in such a way that the lab wouldn't notice.

2) I was unsure of the protocol in a drug test, and fully aware that protocol changes from center to center. Like a poster said above, some places are simply more invasive than others. Creating or purchasing some crazy heating devise to be strapped to my leg seemed entirely out of the question.


I've got to be honest though, this experience has made me a very firm believer in this method. The entire process cost me 3 dollars for 4 two-pill packets of aspirin at the gas station by my home. Also, consider how difficult it may be for some individuals who are to be tested (for example, a minor living with his parents and being forced to test) to acquire some of these synthetics or items used to maintain the temp/allow for discrete deposit of the sample. I'm not advocating cannabis usage in minors or deceiving your parents while living under their roof, but instead stating that this seems to be a cheap, reliable, and simple method of fooling an EMIT test.

I'd really like to hear from someone that attempted this method (or a similar method) with no success. Any stories out there?