Problems upstairs..

[legalizebud89]

I face problems in my head everyday. I wake up to a thought why I should'nt kill myself every fucking day. I've tried to seek help but the only cure is ganja. Ganja helps me keep intact with reality while keeping a good high that keeps me occupied. I dont know if I'm the only one who realizes this but ganja is the only drug that has helped me with this. I've done a ball of soft every now and then but that seems to make it worse. Ganja is truly the only substance that helps. I went through a very rough child-hood with my dad dieing and my mom hittin the pipe every night. I'm not looking for sympathy but morely advice. I might seem like a normal guy if you meet me but the shit I go through in my head is pretty fucked up. I can't seem to escape from some of the thoughts that re-lapse from my child-hood. I have the same dream every night of the night my mom woke me up cracked up at around 3 and kicking me out when I was a kid, around 14. She took my sister hostage and I had to come back the next day to find her locked in my basement with my mom sitting in her room screaming at herself. It's just fucked up to know that this shit happened to me. I also don't think I should need to rely on substance to ease my thoughts. I just wanted to know if any of you have any of the same situations. I also do think it's pretty pathetic to open up like this on an internet forum but I feel like you guys could help and I don't even have the balls to say any of this shit to even my closest friends. Word GC.

P.S.-Sorry if I creaped anyone out.

[AK Infinity]

Hey bro your story is a very emotional one and I can identify with you. My childhood was something of a fucking nightmare as well, but remember, we can't change what's happened to us in the past all we can do is accept responsibility for what we can change in the here and now.

It's wonderful that Ganja has managed to help you thus far but you need more than just erb, you need support, love, and understanding. What you're suffering with sounds pretty severe so I have to encourage to open yourself up to resources in your community, and more importantly open up to your friends. Issues like the ones you're having don't go away no matter how much marijuana you smoke but the unconditional support of your friends is a valuable first step out of the darkness. Don't keep how you're feeling a secret, so many people do this very same thing and suffer terribly as a result.

I'm pullin for you bro because you are not alone.

”Become addicted to constant and never ending self improvement.”<O</O

~Anthony J. D'Angelo~

Be green!

[AndyPL]

That's some good advice AK.

Anyways, it sounds like you've been dealt a pretty tough hand, man. You gotta remember that pain is part of being human. You may see other people who seem to have it easy but remember that no one goes through life without getting bruised.

When you're faced with pain, you have two choices. You can either try and escape it, or you can embrace and rise above it. Your wounds will always be there, but if you turn inwards and build a shell around yourself then they'll end up bleeding you dry. Next time you're hurting, instead of trying to fight it off with your mind, turn to your heart and really feel the pain through and through. Let your heart well up, let go of your desire to control and contain your injuries. Give yourself some space.

We're conditioned to fear and avoid suffering, but in reality, suffering is what allows us to feel compassion. The greater your own afflictions, the better you'll be able to help others with theirs. Once you've learned to embrace the pain, let the pain turn into compassion, and compassion into love. Looking at your mother and sister, don't you see the same agony in them as there is in you? Be there for them, help them heal. Even if they're unreceptive and unappreciative at first, don't let that discourage you. Such negative emotions are always rooted in fear, fear that you should be able to empathize with.

Helping others it the only way that you can help yourself. Love your family and love those around you, and their happiness will become your own.

Peace