This is the end of your life...

[kuso]

...and what did you do with it while it was here?

I ask myself this on a near-daily basis. Always when I'm at work (i'm a cashier at a grocery store) I think about this shit. I just wonder why I'm here, and what the hell I'm doing wasting what little life I have behind a cash register asking people for their Shaws card. And I just want to tell my boss to fuck off and walk out of the store. And I feel like I want to just go out there and live my life to the fullest. It's hard to describe.

I'm just so afraid that I'll end up living within 50 miles of where I live now 50 years down the road, and never having left the area. I'm so scared that I'll never have seen all there is to see and experience all there is to experience. I'm afriad that I'll die without getting to stand in the absolutely pouring rain at two am outside of the window of the person I love begging for forgivness for something, or just to tell her i love her. I'm afraid that before I die I'm going to regret so much that I'll end up feeling like my life wasn't worth living.

Do any of you get what I'm saying?

I want to drive to the nearest T station and get on the train. And I want to be riding into Boston and end up having a conversation with a complete stranger of an old man who tells me the secret to living a great life. I want to buy a homeless man a meal and sit with him and have him tell me about his life, and his experiences.

I don't really know why I'm posting this, I just really feel the need to.

I want to feel like.. like I have a purpose. Like my life isn't just going to end up a waste in the end because everything I'll ever accomplish will mean nothing once I die.

I just want to feel a reason for living. And I want to know what living is, because I dont feel like I'm doing a very good job, according to the definition. I need a definition.

[Grim Bongmaster]

man I totally know what you mean!! This is my advice..Get a second job or some other kind of way to make money..then ..do that!! Get on a train..go to new zealand buy some piece of shit van and drive around..go to amsterdam see the world figure out who you are!! What you want!! WHat your here for! I swear 5 months of doing whatever it is YOU want to do and you'll figure it out! You'll formulate a plan ..I remember being where you are.. I hated my job ..because I wasn't working TOWARDS anything.. you have to have a goal man..and ONLY YOU can make those. Trust me man figure out what you REALLY REALLY REALLY want to do, save as much money as possible..and yes that does mean cutting back on weed...sorry man..put it all back and live for 5 months ..I actually didn't LIVE for 5 months... I just hung out at my house..but it was my first time out of my parents house..so to me ..it WAS a vacation. I promise man.. there is somthing out there waiting for you..all you have to do is figure out what that is..

a cool sig I read on this website was

"life is not about finding who you are"

"it's about creating yourself"

figure out what you want man..and everything else will fall into place..and don't forget to have fun on the way..

I hope I helped

[thedead420]

dude great thread i can totaly see were ur comeing from. i feel the exact way sometimes and i know everythings gona work out and i dont have to worry

[WaterLillyFairy]

Here's what I'd do.. find a local trade school.. something you can do ANYWHERE, like working on cars, or culinary arts, or medical assistant or something like that... something they need EVERYWHERE... then when you get your degree do just what you dreamed Hop on atrain and just go.. you have a degree that can get you at least an interview in a field that is always needed, so you're very likely to get a job wherever you end up, and you can go where the wind takes you... ntil you're ready to settle down... Just my thoughts.

[negligent]

[quote=kusoI'm afriad that I'll die without getting to stand in the absolutely pouring rain at two am outside of the window of the person I love begging for forgivness for something, or just to tell her i love her.[/QUOTE]


whoa dude, that was deep. or i'm jus really stoned, maybe both.

[POTSTYLZ]

Awesome thread man, I totally feel you on this subject. I am afraid I will die without ever truly living. All I do is work and go to school, I have no time for friends between work and school and I feel like im sabatoging (sp) my life. I didnt really want to go to college persay I more wanted to go to a tech school or travel but the other part of me says go to College get a good job and so on. It has really been nagging me as of late. Im glad you brought the Subject up





PS that 2am thing was deep

[ox38776]

im just afraid that id be to busy worrying about that shit and evrything that i wanted was there and by the time i realiza whats in front of me it will be gone.

[Budo]

That's a problem I worry about facing very much. Currently I'm pretty much in chill mode, I live with my parents while I finish up my schooling, and life is very solitary, I pretty much have one good friend (which I an greatful for) and thats it, that's all I have. I've been spending this non-social time getting to really know myself, in preparing to know what I want and who I want to be. All I can say to that is you really need to spend time thinking about things. When I got the green, I wake and bake every morning and for an hour to and hour-and-a-half I just think in my bed, think about everything and anything that relates to myself. My self journey has lasted since the beginning of the year, and I'm still not sure. I plan to road trip much of the U.S. soon to hopefully broaden and change my perspective, but the correct and fullfilled road for oneself to take is deffinatley a hard road to find. I just want to say that while I'm not suffering from the same problem as you, I am deffinatley striving to find what it is I need to do before I have to chose a life, and I understand how diffucult and frustrating in must be to have such thoughts in your mind. Perhaps I'm just rambling, I don't have any mary-ju-wanna and I'm drunk as a fuck, but I think you should spend some of your high time sitting back and thinking in a high-n-happy mode by yourself just thinking of what you really what, and what you can do to work towards it. I want to say that this is a great thread, and I hope you feel better about the life your living, there's nothing worse than regretting the current state of life you live.

Edit: Wow, that was longer and more profound than I thought hahahaha.

[Pot Geek]

Originally Posted by kuso

I want to feel like.. like I have a purpose. Like my life isn't just going to end up a waste in the end because everything I'll ever accomplish will mean nothing once I die.

You're absolutely right. Everything you have here in this life, all your material possessions, everything you own, dies with you when you die. There's a saying: "He who dies with the most toys, still dies." It's very true, and the simple fact is we just can't get out of life alive.

What is it in life that will leave a legacy for us after we're gone? Even if we were to become powerful leaders, businessmen, and form huge corporations and build tall buildings, we know that eventually those buildings will fall, the corporate climate will change, technology will progress to a point where that corporation is no longer a necessaray part of the economy. NOTHING in this life lasts forever, EVERYTHING in this life will pass away with us.

There is one thing, though, that is eternal and never-failing, love. Love alone, and only love will last. The gerstest thing you can ever learn is just to love and be love in return. Love one another, love yourself, and love the blesssings that you have been given. Great warriors will be rememberd as long as their land reins, but great peace makers will be remembered forever.

Don't wait until later. Start NOW. Your time is short and limited. Small things lead to greater things. A simple smile given to a stranger who's having a bad day can make their day good, and make them more likely to smile at the next person they see. If a simple smile can start a chain reaction like that, then a friendly "hi" can start miracles! Do Good, but not for your own direct benefit, do Good knowing that you have already benefited from the Good you have done.

And do not fear, for fear is the work of Satan. Fear is what keeps you from doing the Good you can do.

[Natural Mystic]

Originally Posted by Budo

That's a problem I worry about facing very much. Currently I'm pretty much in chill mode, I live with my parents while I finish up my schooling, and life is very solitary, I pretty much have one good friend (which I an greatful for) and thats it, that's all I have. I've been spending this non-social time getting to really know myself, in preparing to know what I want and who I want to be. All I can say to that is you really need to spend time thinking about things. When I got the green, I wake and bake every morning and for an hour to and hour-and-a-half I just think in my bed, think about everything and anything that relates to myself. My self journey has lasted since the beginning of the year, and I'm still not sure. I plan to road trip much of the U.S. soon to hopefully broaden and change my perspective, but the correct and fullfilled road for oneself to take is deffinatley a hard road to find. I just want to say that while I'm not suffering from the same problem as you, I am deffinatley striving to find what it is I need to do before I have to chose a life, and I understand how diffucult and frustrating in must be to have such thoughts in your mind. Perhaps I'm just rambling, I don't have any mary-ju-wanna and I'm drunk as a fuck, but I think you should spend some of your high time sitting back and thinking in a high-n-happy mode by yourself just thinking of what you really what, and what you can do to work towards it. I want to say that this is a great thread, and I hope you feel better about the life your living, there's nothing worse than regretting the current state of life you live.

Edit: Wow, that was longer and more profound than I thought hahahaha.

whoa.. i can't almost related to exactly what your saying. This past year for me has been nuts, definatly a life changing experience. I think the main goal is to have a purpose for yourself, and that purpose is for you to be happy, in the end doesn't everyone want to be happy? I don't think you need to go through life worrying about what you did that will make people remember you, because their opinions don't really matter in the end. So why not live a great life, and just be happy with who are you, be happy that your living and be happy with everything that life throws your way. Hehe, its way easier to say it than actually doing it :P

[u4ia]

Who is to say what is right or wrong for you. Society needs to be more open-minded and understand that not everyone is here to go to college, get married, have kids and live the typical 'American Dream' lifestyle.

Just because you choose a path that is not necessarily mainstream, does not make you any less of a person. Do what makes you happy in life, since no one truly knows the point(if there even is one) to life.

There will always be those who will look down on you because of the decisions you have made but try not to let these narrow-minded people make you feel unworthy of living. Afterall would you judge these people based on the decisions they make? I know I wouldn't. I believe in the concept of 'to each their own' and I think that is a belief many of us hold dear.

[Natural Mystic]

[quote=u4ia]Who is to say what is right or wrong for you. Society needs to be more open-minded and understand that not everyone is here to go to college, get married, have kids and live the typical 'American Dream' lifestyle.QUOTE]

society will never be more open-minded... all society wants is for everyone to conform, and so theirs less individuality among people.

[Budo]

I don't think that's what society WANTS neccisarily, but it just happens to be the easiest way to go about things most of the time because less people disagree and if you just do the normal thing then they're won't be much resistance. And I think that society will deffinatley be more open-minded, no doubt because time has shown us this over time in one form or another, like how clothing is now, 100 years ago that shit would be imprisonment practically. It's our future, so don't just give up and say "it'll never change" because then it won't, then your just conforming too.

[Natural Mystic]

Ok i see your point, and im not 'giving up' on society in any means. ok society will change, but its not going to change the way people think and stop conforming.

Look at the media (tv, radio, magazines) most of that is all bullshit.. why do people like to know what britney spears did during her friday night or why mary-kate has eating disorders haha. And yes clothing has changed.. but what we don't notice is that we are supporting these companies by buying their logo. Oh look at those nice pair of Exco jeans that cost 100 bucks! Society has made it so its 'cool' to wear the more expensive jeans, shirts, nike, addidas, sean jonh, *insert skateboard company here*.. etc. Sure some clothings look cool, but people shouldn't be difined with what they wear. sorry for that rant lol i don't even know if that backed up what i said b4 :P

[kuso]

Wow.. more replies that I had expected

Thanks everyone, it's really good to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. And thanks expecially to Pot Geek, because that post was just fucking great. They say all you need is love, and I try my best to love as much as I can. Things are looking better for me as of late; I'm on the verge of a decently good promotion at work (after four fucking years, bastards ), I'm going out with my friend Jess, who is just awsome, and who I really care about alot (plus she's 21. score!), and those two things along are putting me in a much better mood as of late.

Jess told me once that I was sad alot, which is very true. I just think alot, and get depressed pretty easily, but I always seem to make it through to tomorrow.

It just scares me that someday tomorrow won't come. The more the days go by and the seasons change I'm coming closer and closer to accepting the fact that I will die. I mean, I know it's true, and I've accepted it as an inevetability, however I'm still so afraid of it happening. Nothing scares me more than the fact that someday I won't be around to watch the sunset, to laugh, to cry, to get lost in someone's eyes and they in mine, to do anything that makes life so great.

You shouldn't be pressured into wearing whatever is in style, or whatnot. Fashion honestly sucks and I for one do not give a bloody fuck about it. I wear Old Navy tshirts that cost 5$ each, have no logo except for the tag, and are all one color. I wear noname brand cargopants/shorts that cost roughtly 15$ each, Ive had the same pair of shoes for going on two years now, and my socks I buy at the grocery store I work at. I am extremely static in the choice of clothing that I wear and I feel extremely sorry for you if you feel that it's absolutely nessisary to buy a shirt that cost more than my cell phone bill. I have a 1986 toyota corolla, a computer that's from 1996 (133 mHz, woot!), and what I feel to be more empathy and compassion than most of the people that I've met. The best car, most money, most stylish clothes and the fastest computer don't even matter. You get where you need to go, do what you need to do, wear what's comfortable and look at porn.. well, faster and better porn is better, but that's not the point.

The point is nothing matters, so do everything. Make an ass out of yourself in public and laugh at the reactions of others. It's fun. Fall in love with someone you believe and feel is worth your time and don't stop until you've stolen their heart. Fuck up once in a relationship just to experience the emotions from it, to try and struggle and feel sooo much better that you've overcame this barrier once you make amens with eachtother. Plus the makeup sex is awsome! But don't makeup until you've stood in the rain at two am telling her (or him) you love them. And mean it.

Laugh, live, and have fun. Love, above all.

From the tiniest of insects and even bacteria, and even furthur still, cells, to the largest living thing on the planet--the blue whale--one thing is unavoidable; death. It could happen at any time to anyone or anything. And because of that fact, I'm learning more and more to appreciate every single little thing that I can, because in a moment it's gone, and everything that you love disappears.