Masturbation

runner's high · #1 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 01:52 AM

According to scripture, God is eternal. Unlike ourselves, He lies beyond time; He created it, after all.

And, according to the Bible, we are created in God's image. Since we are human this means God must also be human. In some sense.

And, based on the Bible's repeated use of the pronoun "He", He must be a he, a male. In some sense.

And since being a male means, in the most basic sense, one has a penis, God must have a penis. (We can infer his penis is rather large based on the size of the universe He created. And the fact "He" is capitalized.)

But, because He is the only god--there is no Goddess--we can infer His penis is rather lonely.

And given a lonely penis, Eternity, and an omniscient view of 3 billion females who share His image (!!!), we can finally conclude:

...

.
God masturbates!

...

...Or that Christianity, Judaism and the Bible were made up by dudes. Thoughts?

br3ad_ · #2 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 02:03 AM

Weird stuff man..im confused, but sure haha.

God was a-sexual, he reproduced with himself bye shovin his penis in his pooter

runner's high · #3 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 02:09 AM

br3ad, I assure you, my logic is flawless.

But your penis-in-pooter hypothesis is thought-provoking indeed.

gchinky · #4 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 02:11 AM

He is a spirit being, and so therefore he has no penis.

runner's high · #5 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 02:14 AM

Ah, then why is "He" a "he"?

Shouldn't God be an "It"? Or perhaps a new pronoun altogether?

Russian Roulett · #6 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:11 AM

That makes sense...... so His cum is what clouds are made of? Nice!

naku06 · #7 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:17 AM

why would god need to orgasm? and if he does, why cant he just have one by thinking it?

senior_ganj · #8 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:18 AM

what happens when the clouds are dark. Is that an outbreak of some type of godly std?

Russian Roulett · #9 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by senior_ganj

what happens when the clouds are dark. Is that an outbreak of some type of godly std?

He replaces his cum, with doo-doo!

.ViciouS. · #10 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:42 AM

Well there has already been a victim of God's Almighty Penis, Mary, Yahweh's mommy. And you know He doesn't miss. Maybe blackholes are God's orgasms, they're so powerful that it obviously defies physics.

runner's high · #11 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naku

why would god need to orgasm? and if he does, why cant he just have one by thinking it?

Spot on; he wouldn't need to orgasm. If there were only one god he couldn't have sex therefore he wouldn't have a gender and he wouldn't experience sexual impulses. That's my point.

As for the comments, keep 'em cumming.

RobHecht · #12 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:49 AM

haha

youngandstupid · #13 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:51 AM

This makes sense. With more and more obese people there are more and more obese women. This makes God's masturbation time wasted looking through the fatties to find the hotties. This makes God wrathful. Hence global warming.

Rasta_Man · #14 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 04:58 AM

If god does indeed exist, or if you believe that, then you must realize then his is a being of incomprehensable omnipotence.

He is a being, a life-form beyond our perception and comprehension.

br3ad_ · #15 (**permalink**) 10-04-2006, 05:08 AM

Quote:

If god does indeed exist, or if you believe that, then you must realize then his is a being of incomprehensable omnipotence.

He is a being, a life-form beyond our perception and comprehension.

Damn man, so fuckin sophisticated, das why you da man Rasta..shiz son +rep for makin me feel dumber!

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#1 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 01:52 AM
runner's high 4:20 Miler Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Samsara Posts: 237	Masturbation According to scripture, God is eternal. Unlike ourselves, He lies beyond time; He created it, after all. And, according to the Bible, we are created in God's image. Since we are human this means God must also be human. In some sense. And, based on the Bible's repeated use of the pronoun "He", He must be a he, a male. In some sense. And since being a male means, in the most basic sense, one has a penis, God must have a penis. (We can infer his penis is rather large based on the size of the universe He created. And the fact "He" is capitalized.) But, because He is the only god--there is no Goddess--we can infer His penis is rather lonely. And given a lonely penis, Eternity, and an omniscient view of 3 billion females who share His image (!!!), we can finally conclude: ... . God masturbates! ... ...Or that Christianity, Judaism and the Bible were made up by dudes. Thoughts? Last edited by runner's high; 10-04-2006 at 02:11 AM. Reason: 3 Billion, not 6

#2 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 02:03 AM
br3ad_ <-KiNg-> Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Hamilton, Ontario 9-Oh-5 Posts: 5,357	Weird stuff man..im confused, but sure haha. God was a-sexual, he reproduced with himself bye shovin his penis in his pooter __________________

#3 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 02:09 AM
runner's high 4:20 Miler Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Samsara Posts: 237	br3ad, I assure you, my logic is flawless. But your penis-in-pooter hypothesis is thought-provoking indeed. Last edited by runner's high; 10-04-2006 at 02:13 AM.

#4 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 02:11 AM
gchinky Smooth Criminal Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: south bay 408 Posts: 251	He is a spirit being, and so therefore he has no penis. __________________

#5 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 02:14 AM
runner's high 4:20 Miler Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Samsara Posts: 237	Ah, then why is "He" a "he"? Shouldn't God be an "It"? Or perhaps a new pronoun altogether?

#6 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 04:11 AM
Russian Roulett Registered User Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 536	That makes sense...... so His cum is what clouds are made of? Nice!

#7 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 04:17 AM
naku06 Lye & Open sores Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In my skin. Posts: 2,314 Blog Entries: 1	why would god need to orgasm? and if he does, why cant he just have one by thinking it? __________________ May the wind be in your sails Lady luck to your side

#8 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 04:18 AM
senior_ganj Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Location: Just use your nose Posts: 1,361	what happens when the clouds are dark. Is that an outbreak of some type of godly std? __________________

#10 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 04:42 AM
.ViciouS. I am not a concept Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,119	Well there has already been a victim of God's Almighty Penis, Mary, Yahweh's mommy. And you know He doesn't miss. Maybe blackholes are God's orgasms, they're so powerful that it obviously defies physics. __________________ "Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach." - Tom Robbins My Sketchbook Anyone Reading Good Books?

#13 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 04:51 AM
youngandstupid Looking to learn Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Your monitor Posts: 738	This makes sense. With more and more obese people there are more and more obese women. This makes God's masturbation time wasted looking through the fatties to find the hotties. This makes God wrathful. Hence global warming. __________________ My mottos (as stolen from a farker or two): Whatever floats your boat and doesn't sink mine. The early worm gets eaten. My CFL journal. http://forum.grasscity.com/grow-journals/148577-first-pp-harvest-2nd-pp-grow.html

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#14 (permalink) 10-04-2006, 04:58 AM
Rasta_Man Banned Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 11,212	If god does indeed exist, or if you believe that, then you must realize then his is a being of incomprehensable omnipotence. He is a being, a life-form beyond our perception and comprehension.