Masturbation

[runner's high]

According to scripture, God is eternal. Unlike ourselves, He lies beyond time; He created it, after all.

And, according to the Bible, we are created in God's image. Since we are human this means God must also be human. In some sense.

And, based on the Bible's repeated use of the pronoun "He", He must be a he, a male. In some sense.

And since being a male means, in the most basic sense, one has a penis, God must have a penis. (We can infer his penis is rather large based on the size of the universe He created. And the fact "He" is capitalized.)

But, because He is the only god--there is no Goddess--we can infer His penis is rather lonely.

And given a lonely penis, Eternity, and an omniscient view of 3 billion females who share His image (!!!), we can finally conclude:














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God masturbates!














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...Or that Christianity, Judaism and the Bible were made up by dudes. Thoughts?

[br3ad_]

Weird stuff man..im confused, but sure haha.

God was a-sexual, he reproduced with himself bye shovin his penis in his pooter

[runner's high]

br3ad, I assure you, my logic is flawless.

But your penis-in-pooter hypothesis is thought-provoking indeed.

[gchinky]

He is a spirit being, and so therefore he has no penis.

[runner's high]

Ah, then why is "He" a "he"?

Shouldn't God be an "It"? Or perhaps a new pronoun altogether?

[Russian Roulett]

That makes sense...... so His cum is what clouds are made of? Nice!

[naku06]

why would god need to orgasm? and if he does, why cant he just have one by thinking it?

[senior_ganj]

what happens when the clouds are dark. Is that an outbreak of some type of godly std?

[Russian Roulett]

Originally Posted by senior_ganj

what happens when the clouds are dark. Is that an outbreak of some type of godly std?

He replaces his cum, with doo-doo!

[.ViciouS.]

Well there has already been a victim of God's Almighty Penis, Mary, Yahweh's mommy. And you know He doesn't miss. Maybe blackholes are God's orgasms, they're so powerful that it obviously defies physics.

[runner's high]

Originally Posted by naku

why would god need to orgasm? and if he does, why cant he just have one by thinking it?

Spot on; he wouldn't need to orgasm. If there were only one god he couldn't have sex therefore he wouldn't have a gender and he wouldn't experience sexual impulses. That's my point.

As for the comments, keep 'em cumming.

[RobHecht]

haha

[youngandstupid]

This makes sense. With more and more obese people there are more and more obese women. This makes God's masturbation time wasted looking through the fatties to find the hotties. This makes God wrathful. Hence global warming.

[Rasta_Man]

If god does indeed exist, or if you believe that, then you must realize then his is a being of incomprehensable omnipotence.

He is a being, a life-form beyond our perception and comprehension.

[br3ad_]

If god does indeed exist, or if you believe that, then you must realize then his is a being of incomprehensable omnipotence.

He is a being, a life-form beyond our perception and comprehension.

Damn man, so fuckin sophisticated, das why you da man Rasta..shiz son +rep for makin me feel dumber!