smoking and usage

Big Poppa Puff · #1 (**permalink**) 01-31-2003, 10:30 PM

4:25 Friday.

35 minutes to go till the weekend.

Done everything I can do at work for the week.

Can't leave early because I came in late from my kids school this morning.

Nobody here much to chat with.

Post up stupid thread with no subject.

Hey got an idea, tell a joke

Man gets a call from the hospital. He is informed that his wife had a bad accident and he needs to come down to see the doctor ASAP!

Wait, this is a bad joke, better not tell it.

Man sees an ad in the paper

"Talking Dog for sale, cheap"

Well, not to look a good deal down, the man jumps in his car and heads out of town to the hillbilly community to see about buying a talking dog. Well, the man pulls up to a rickety old shack and starts to walk up the front steps. Laying on the porch is a scraggly old hound dog.

The man asks "Are you the talking dog for sale?"

The dog raises his head up and says "Yeah, I'm the talking dog."

The man is completely startled. Holy fucking shit!! Its a real life talking dog. Oh my god, a goddamn dog can talk!!!!!!!

The man looks back at the dog in a zoned out kind of way and asks "How long have you been talking?"

"Well" replies the dog "pretty near my whole life I guess!"

"That's fucking awesome!" the man shouts. "What have you been doing your whole life? just sitting out here in the country?"

"Nope" answers the dog."When I was a pup I realized pretty quick that I had a gift. So early on I went to the White House and volunteered for governement duty. You know, serve my country. that kind of thing."

"Wow" the guy is completely blown away. "what did you do?"

"Well" the dog starts up "I was sent to Iraq as a spy. Nobody would believe a talking dog, so I just wandered around Baghdad, listening to converstaions and picking up information. Then I would tell the CIA everything I heard"

"Then" continued the dog. "I got transfered from there to Afghanistan. I eavesdropped on the Taliban and heard their plans for most of their terroristic shit, but the FBI screwed all that up. I tried to wrn everyone about 9/11"

"Holy shit!" Theguy was even more impressed. "Go on with your life story.

"Well" the dog went on... "I left there and went to North Korea. dangerous country them Koreans, eat dogs don't you know. I barely made it out of there by the skin of my teeth. But I did find out they were building all them nuclear bombs."

"You are a hero!!" exclaimed the man. "How did you wind up here?"

"Long story, long story" the dog explained "Kind of a safe retirement center for old spies , I guess?"

"This is amazing" the man exclaimed.

Well, just about then, the owner of the dog and the house comes rolling in the driveway. He sees the stranger talking to the dog and gives him a big wave and welcomes him in the home.

"I guess you have had a long talk with rex?" the owner remarks. "He's for sale, you know"

"Yes, I have" The man replies "How much do you want for him?"

"I reckon I'll take $10 for him if that's OK?" replies the owner

"$10 bucks for him???" the man pondered "Why he's a famous talking dog, why so little??"

"That Rex is a goddamned liar!" the owner answers "He ain't done none of that shit he talks about!"

Bud Head · #2 (**permalink**) 01-31-2003, 10:47 PM

Thats a good one BPP.. Is he still on your porch or did you sell him?

bud stuffer · #3 (**permalink**) 01-31-2003, 10:54 PM

bpp, if he is still there i'll take him

Bud Head · #4 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 01:12 AM

price is a hudred dollars now..bud stuffer lol

bud stuffer · #5 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 02:32 AM

$100!! but he's a damn liar

Bud Head · #6 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 02:42 AM

Yea but you can get him to lie for you if the law comes knocking!

Then if you cheat on your significant other, he'll lie to get you out of trouble!

IGotTheCottons · #7 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 04:43 AM

lol. that's great... i've got one laying around here about how to tell if you're a child of the 80's and some guy bought a shit load of monkeys that all died... great stuff

i'll post 'em later