The Marijuana Smoker's Code Of Etiquette

I was reading through a book called Everything About Pot That We Could Remember. The book is written by Arj Barker, Doug Benson and Tony Camin. It is a very good and funny book, they are comedians and i heard a couple of there clips a long time ago and they call themselves the Marijuana-Logues.

In the beginning of the book they have a whole section on the weed smokers etiquette and i found it quite funny and thought i would post it.



**The following is a direct passage from the book i posted above**

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We Marijuana-loggers feel that marijuana smokers havea bad reputation. They're usually thought of as lazy and dim-witted. Why, this couldn't be further from the tooth. There is actually a strict code of discipline that pot smokers must firmly adhere to. Here are the highlights from an actual webpage from an authority known as "Scooter 512" (or something like that - it could have been "Scooter 513" or "Bandit 300"- lets not get hung up on details, okay?)

Rule Number One: If someone rolls a nice joint, it's good to give the person a compliment on their rolling skills. Something like, "Thats some tight shit, buddy!"

Rule Number 2: Always remember to thank the person who has gotten you high. Unless it was really killer weed, in which case it is perfectly acceptable to forget to say thank you

Rule Number C: Never make your smoke out to be better than it really is. This gets everybody's hopes up just to be let down. Don't go bragging about how you got the Chronic, and then whip out the Down Town Brown on everyone's ass! People hate that. Especially us.

Rule Number 14: It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without notifying that person of its potential emptyosity. A proper warning would be, Here ya go... I think it might be cashed. Go ahead give it a try, see what happens. We're all pulling for you. Good Luck."

Rule Number Seven: When rolling a joint, don't ever pack a seed. Instead, pack a lunch. It will come in very handy later. Make sure you pack enough to share.

Rule Number 8: You have allot at least seven and three-quarters minutes of fake interest in the person holing the weed. Say something nice about them or stuff, like, "Cool pope," or, "Wow, thats a neat lizard."

Rule Number 9: I'm glas your cousin works in a movie theater and let you sit in the projection room once when you were visiting him in Phoenix last summer... but what you should really do is take a hit and pass the pipe already.

Rule Number 10: If you're getting high with someone and they ask for a sip of your drink, you must give them some. Dry mouth is not fucking funny. In fact, if left untreated, it can lead to the dreaded cottonmouth. Which without immediate hydration, can turn into full blown Old Man's Ass Mouth.

Rule Number Next One: It is not cool to criticize people's weed in front of them. Example, "Hey, no thanks. I'd rather smpoke horse puke than your low quality shit weed. Thanks for offering though." Don't do that. it hurts.

Rule Number Yellow: Hey dont push anyone to smoke pot with you. It's cool to offer weed to your new neighbor, but if they refuse, back off. In other words don't do this. "Hey, Mr. Johnson, this is your new neighbor. You're about to smoke pot wether you want it or not. So get over here and suck on my bong!" Don't do that. It's pushers that make marijuana illegal. And politics. And Laws. Mostly laws.

Rule Number Unicorn: Pass the j clockwise, always clockwise. (That means the direction a clock goes.)

Rule Number %: Never Bogart. Budt if you supply the weed you can Baccall us anytime. (If you didn't get that, ask an old person to explain it to you.)

A Rule That Rhymes: When smoking a bowl with other smokers, remember this saying: Don't be mean, leave some green.

A Rule About Roaches: Don't eat them. It doesnt get you high it just makes you look like a hobo.

A Rule That Is So Obvious It Shouldn't Even Be A Rule But Here It Is: Don't get your spit all over the pipe, bong, or joint. Remember, your bodily fluids are disgusting, so please don't force them upon others.

Rule Number 8,763: Dude, dont be a dick and spill the bong water. It smells like Cheech's Ass.

Rule Number 1.2 Million: Please do not, while getting stoned in a canoe, stand up. You may drown. Or Worse, spill the bong water into the lake.

Rule Number Chimp: The person who rolls the joing (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and gets first hits.

Rule Number Cider-House: If you're getting high in your house with osmeone, offer htem some snakcs if you have any. If you don't, that's cool. It's not cool that you don't have food, but its cool if you don;t offer. Cause you don't have any.

Rule Number Finally: And perhaps the most important rule of them all - according to "Scooter 512" - if three guys write a somewhat padded out sincere book entirely about marijuana, maybe you should get them high if ever your paths chould cross in a comedy club or a dirty back alley.


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I thought it was pretty damn funny and i hope you guys do too. and obviously the last rule was reffering to the authors who wrote this lol

i liked it + rep for the find oh yeah welcome to the city!

hahah im oretty stoned and i was reading the numbers out loud and ii didnt notice till the end that they wehre all fucked up hahah +repp

Great post, Dank! I am, however, going to put this is the Seasoned Tokers forum.

Great post, Dank! I am, however, going to put this is the Seasoned Tokers forum.

i saw your name and was like "aww fuck hes gunna delete my thread again" lol. no problem bout the move tho.

and i was hopin people would like it, i know i was stoned when i read it and could not stop laughing, especially at the way they did the numbers lol. the book is soo great i couldnt stop reading it and i ussually get very bored reading especially when im stoned.

Damn fine post, Dank! +rep

I know a few people who should read this. I'll be printin' this baby out.

phat..with a p

great post, all good rules. i sometimes break the one about the saliva so i tend to avoid joints/blunts

ya i hate people who break rule number yellow. if people dont smoke dont fuckin force em lol

Thats funny as hell +rep.

i saw your name and was like "aww fuck hes gunna delete my thread again" lol. no problem bout the move tho.

and i was hopin people would like it, i know i was stoned when i read it and could not stop laughing, especially at the way they did the numbers lol. the book is soo great i couldnt stop reading it and i ussually get very bored reading especially when im stoned.

Sorta off topic, but she's not a he.
Good find btw.

i saw your name and was like "aww fuck hes gunna delete my thread again" lol. no problem bout the move tho.

lol.. you mean "she".. just switch the words of "hes" around

but yeah bro.. good post.. rule Number Seven had me dyin' in laughter.. +rep

Yeah they had a great show going I saw the Marijuana Logues up in Philly and it was hilarious. I recommend if it ever comes to your town you should go check it out you will be non stop laughing.

I love it, i believe all of those rules, and follow them all..+rep nice find.

Haha! Good stuff. The comedians who wrote that book are hillarious. I've heard the Marijuana-logues CD, and I've seen a couple of the "marijuan-loguers" individual acts on comedy central (Arj Barker, and I forgot the other ones name). Good stuff, man!

This was great i had just sparked a blunt when i started reading this and i havnt laughed like this (by myself in my garage.lol my husband and son r asleep) in a loooong time i think i might just have 2get that.....

I was reading through a book called Everything About Pot That We Could Remember. The book is written by Arj Barker, Doug Benson and Tony Camin. It is a very good and funny book, they are comedians and i heard a couple of there clips a long time ago and they call themselves the Marijuana-Logues.

In the beginning of the book they have a whole section on the weed smokers etiquette and i found it quite funny and thought i would post it.



**The following is a direct passage from the book i posted above**

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We Marijuana-loggers feel that marijuana smokers havea bad reputation. They're usually thought of as lazy and dim-witted. Why, this couldn't be further from the tooth. There is actually a strict code of discipline that pot smokers must firmly adhere to. Here are the highlights from an actual webpage from an authority known as "Scooter 512" (or something like that - it could have been "Scooter 513" or "Bandit 300"- lets not get hung up on details, okay?)

Rule Number One: If someone rolls a nice joint, it's good to give the person a compliment on their rolling skills. Something like, "Thats some tight shit, buddy!"

Rule Number 2: Always remember to thank the person who has gotten you high. Unless it was really killer weed, in which case it is perfectly acceptable to forget to say thank you

Rule Number C: Never make your smoke out to be better than it really is. This gets everybody's hopes up just to be let down. Don't go bragging about how you got the Chronic, and then whip out the Down Town Brown on everyone's ass! People hate that. Especially us.

Rule Number 14: It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without notifying that person of its potential emptyosity. A proper warning would be, Here ya go... I think it might be cashed. Go ahead give it a try, see what happens. We're all pulling for you. Good Luck."

Rule Number Seven: When rolling a joint, don't ever pack a seed. Instead, pack a lunch. It will come in very handy later. Make sure you pack enough to share.

Rule Number 8: You have allot at least seven and three-quarters minutes of fake interest in the person holing the weed. Say something nice about them or stuff, like, "Cool pope," or, "Wow, thats a neat lizard."

Rule Number 9: I'm glas your cousin works in a movie theater and let you sit in the projection room once when you were visiting him in Phoenix last summer... but what you should really do is take a hit and pass the pipe already.

Rule Number 10: If you're getting high with someone and they ask for a sip of your drink, you must give them some. Dry mouth is not fucking funny. In fact, if left untreated, it can lead to the dreaded cottonmouth. Which without immediate hydration, can turn into full blown Old Man's Ass Mouth.

Rule Number Next One: It is not cool to criticize people's weed in front of them. Example, "Hey, no thanks. I'd rather smpoke horse puke than your low quality shit weed. Thanks for offering though." Don't do that. it hurts.

Rule Number Yellow: Hey dont push anyone to smoke pot with you. It's cool to offer weed to your new neighbor, but if they refuse, back off. In other words don't do this. "Hey, Mr. Johnson, this is your new neighbor. You're about to smoke pot wether you want it or not. So get over here and suck on my bong!" Don't do that. It's pushers that make marijuana illegal. And politics. And Laws. Mostly laws.

Rule Number Unicorn: Pass the j clockwise, always clockwise. (That means the direction a clock goes.)

Rule Number %: Never Bogart. Budt if you supply the weed you can Baccall us anytime. (If you didn't get that, ask an old person to explain it to you.)

A Rule That Rhymes: When smoking a bowl with other smokers, remember this saying: Don't be mean, leave some green.

A Rule About Roaches: Don't eat them. It doesnt get you high it just makes you look like a hobo.

A Rule That Is So Obvious It Shouldn't Even Be A Rule But Here It Is: Don't get your spit all over the pipe, bong, or joint. Remember, your bodily fluids are disgusting, so please don't force them upon others.

Rule Number 8,763: Dude, dont be a dick and spill the bong water. It smells like Cheech's Ass.

Rule Number 1.2 Million: Please do not, while getting stoned in a canoe, stand up. You may drown. Or Worse, spill the bong water into the lake.

Rule Number Chimp: The person who rolls the joing (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and gets first hits.

Rule Number Cider-House: If you're getting high in your house with osmeone, offer htem some snakcs if you have any. If you don't, that's cool. It's not cool that you don't have food, but its cool if you don;t offer. Cause you don't have any.

Rule Number Finally: And perhaps the most important rule of them all - according to "Scooter 512" - if three guys write a somewhat padded out sincere book entirely about marijuana, maybe you should get them high if ever your paths chould cross in a comedy club or a dirty back alley.


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I thought it was pretty damn funny and i hope you guys do too. and obviously the last rule was reffering to the authors who wrote this lol

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE THESE GUYS! Doug Benson came out with a new CD, I was there when he recorded it on 4/20 in SF. Im going to buy this book! I LOVE YOU!

very funny +rep. i have to admit im guilty of rule yellow

The only thing wrong with this is the fact that Rule 1 is something another guy should never say to another guy.

hahahaha funny find, dunno who brought this forum back to life but i like it. what makes it even funnier is that all the rules are actual "rules"