My journey is coming to an end...Long

[SECRETANGEL]

Hi All...
Just kinda wanted to say thanks to everyone here, ive made some really good friends.
and you've all been patient with my insesent polls and ramblings.. lol

Unfortunatly my journey with maryjane is slowly coming to an end.
I have promised my husband that i wouldnt smoke on or about past my birthday 3/18.
He feels its really hurting our family, and has threatened to tell the world about my hobby.
He says its ok once in a while maybe (aka 2/3 times a year) or if im in real bad pain (chronic back pain, due to car accident and child birth, dont do the epidural)
He's angered that i even read grasscity forum, cuase he says that if i surrond myself with it, ill never get out of it. That i should quit for our son 2.5.
We've been together for 10 years and he has always known me as a "good girl" and he cant bring himself to understand why ive choosen now to smoke (im 29)
He wont even come near me if he knows ive been smoking.

We may not get the life insurance we need, becuase they did a saliva sample on me, and if it comes out positive, my son wont have the covereage he needs when we die.

I love him and my little family dearly, but i love the friendships ive made here, im torn.

I havent smoked in over a week, where as i was tokin almost every night.
I have none to smoke right now, and i honestly feel like crap, similar to cabin fever.
I cant focus, concentrate etc... But they may be exacerbated by the damiana from the other night.

My personal schedule has been torn to shreds, since i havent had any alone time in about 3 weeks that i despertly need to keep me level. so i cant even read the posts, or look at pics or chat without getting a feeling that someone is staring me down.
Im on edge and am an emotional mess. and i know that i will have to eventually take medication for it since i wont be able to smoke anymore. Going outside is even difficult.. im back to the way i used to be..

I tried DXM (420 or 475 not sure) the other night and i honestly had a reall good time, until he woke up and found me stumbling out of the kitchen after i drifted into the glass of OJ. lol

The less I am around it now, the less i feel comfortable getting any more in posession.
Unless, a long distance friend where to personally deliver....i wont be able to get from anywhere or anyone else without first taking several shots of bacardi and not feel intimidated.
I just cant bring myself to even walk into a shop or call up my local dealer.
Its a horrible feeling and i wouldnt want to wish that on any of you.
I feel really conflicted.

Im saddended for three main reasons
1. I would have like to have quit becuase i wanted to , and not becuase i HAD to.
2. I never got to experierence not even a quarter of what i wanted to.. like hotboxing a car or smoking myself retarded or making marble weed cake that i had a special recipe for. just in general all the stupid fun stuff you guys do..lol
3. Other than my friend who is driving like 3 hours to come see me in february, i have not met another living soul that i have been comfortable enough to smoke around and be myself around, i smoke 99% of the time alone becuase of this and as fun as that is.. it would have like to have experienced it with other people like myself.

If i can manage to resupply maybe i wont feel this poorly, but until then.. i think im done.

God Bless & Stay Green

[Del420]

Im sorry that you can't remain with us.. It's very saddening and im sure you know that I feel for ya. I hope your son remains in good health as well as your family structure. I wish you good luck...

[drchronic]

i think its really cool that you're putting your family before bud, its definitely the right thing to do, and about the cabin fever thing - try meditation, it always helps me when im feeling down or opressed or whatever

[Peace Frog]

Marble weed cake? That sounds delicious! Post up the recipe...oh and don't worry about the saliva test, I don't think they're very accurate in detecting anything unless you had just recently smoked. I think I've read somewhere that those are the shittiest of drug tests.

[chillax]

Wow .... very responsible of you to put your family before bud.

I would try to replace it with something else that will keep you busy.

Try out different things - the meditation idea was great ... try an instrument, or writing, or painting, or even yoga or something to keep you occupied. Get involved in an activity or something.

Just my 2 cents ...

[club drug]

i feel very sorry for you but you have to do what you have to do. Its a shame you don't have a group of smoking buddies, some of the best times ive had is high with other people. Where in jersey do you live? I also live there.

[SECRETANGEL]

Im in Newark.

[RainyDayWoman]

If its best for your child, you should quit.

If its hurting your marital relationship, you should quit.

If its imparing your job, you should quit.

If you are smoking to escape emotional stress, you should quit.

It its making your husband uncomfortable simply because smoking is not legal and isnt socially accepted, you shouldnt quit.

If the latter is the reason, talk to him about your smoking. Tell him how its a past time or hobbie or whatever. Try and get him to try it and accept you for who you are.

[Fatkid420]

Originally Posted by RainyDayWoman

If its best for your child, you should quit.

If its hurting your marital relationship, you should quit.

If its imparing your job, you should quit.

If you are smoking to escape emotional stress, you should quit.

It its making your husband uncomfortable simply because smoking is not legal and isnt socially accepted, you shouldnt quit.

If the latter is the reason, talk to him about your smoking. Tell him how its a past time or hobbie or whatever. Try and get him to try it and accept you for who you are.

+to rep for that post

[pufftheleaf]

its really shitty, but your child and relationship with your husband is more important. Good luck!

[InferiorWang]

I hope it goes well for you. I understand wanting to have the whole experience. When I started smoking I jumped in and wanted to try everything. Just remember that you're doing it for your family and your family is more important to real happiness than an herb is. Take up some sort of hobby or immerse yourself in your family.

[Motoxridah]

I'm very sorry to see you leave, you actually made some enjoyable posts to look at. Has your husband ever tried marijuana? Does he know the REAL effects of it and how it's not as harmful as it's played to be? Maybe you can convince him to smoke a couple times a month and not everyday. I really think you need to show him how it's not as bad as he think it is... well anyway, good bye we will miss you and I hope you will visit the forum occasionally instead of never.

[hardcore_kid]

sorry to make light of such a sticky situation, but your husband needs to realize what a great aphrodisiac and sex accessory marijuana is! smoking has let me enjoy many memorable nights that can actually be really intimate even on a non-sexual level. he needs to open his mind, and explore with you, if exploring is what you want to do. peace out.

[Ars moriendi]

Uh he's a controlling fuck....

Anyone willing to be a pissy snitch on his/her husband/wife or blood isn't worth the trouble...

[PajaNickah]

Awww...i'm so sad