My advice

[Big Poppa Puff]

As many here among us know, my memory skills and ability to analyze situations are somewhat...uhmm..... interesting.

Today I was given a situation and asked to analyze it and give my opinion. I'm going to post some details and I want some of YOUR opinions.

Crazy quasi-single girl, 25 yro, seperated with 2 kids, country girl with small town experiences, flirty and pretty.
Her Boyfriend, 30 yro, never been married, comes from a country well to do family with plenty of money.

OK characters set.

My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to analyze their relationship, point out any potential defects, and strategize a plan to bring the characters to resolution.

OK here we go.....

On the plus side of the boyfriend he's offered her one of his family trailers for her and her kids to live in, rent free but she pays utilities for as long as she wants....

He has introduced her to his family and friends

She has met his mother in person.

He tries to get on the good side of her friends, family, and co-workers

He keeps his refrigerator and bathroom stocked up with her supplies

He has asked her if she can have kids

He has mentioned the possibility of marriage, passingly

ON the Negative side:
She always has to meet him at his family' cabin. he never picks her up or goes to her place. He says he's scared that her ex-husband -to-be will catch him there an whip his ass.

He's offered to meet her kids but has always backed out before ever doing it.

He has a full-time girlfriend that he see between times with the girl. The girl usually knows when the other girl has been to his place because the sheets have been changed. He claims he enever sleeps with his girlfriend and he changes the sheets because the girls hair is everywhere.

He says it isn't fair for him to dump his girlfriend until the girls divorce is final.

A year ago, another girlfriend of his wanted to get married, but he said he wasn't into a long term commitment.

This is her first relationship since her seperation.

OK the end.


Now what is your opinion of this situation, and NO its not me, never been me, etc. It's my wife's secretary but that's a secret between us so don't tell anyone or I'll be in trouble with the wife.

My view is this, the guy is playing the girl for all the booty she will give him. He's old enough and rich enough to know how to play this girl to get the all the sex he can. He's telling her what she wants to hear so she will keep coming back. My advice to the girl, Call his bluff. Tell him that the divorce will soon be finalized and they can get married right away and he can dump his other girlfriend. Wait for his reaction, and any crawfishing or backstepping indicates that he's playing her for sex.

[Mr.Spliff]

I think that he is a mommas boy and does not want to be around her kids.
Not that he doesnt like them but they are not his which leaves ties with the ex no matter what.
I feel he is playing her for da booty.
Just my opinion.

[cowboysaxman]

Think you hit the nail on da head BPP! I think she SHOULD call his bluff, but PLAY HIM HARD while doin' it! got no patience for guys like that!!

[420girlie]

How does she not realize he's spewing bullshit? Not to mention, if he cheats on his girlfriend w/ her why wouldn't he cheat on her? I think your wife should tell her to pull her head out of her ass and realize it's booty call. If she's fine w/ that than they should keep on fuckin' but if not it's time to leave.

[ganjaphish]

i can't possibly be NICE about men dicking women over, can I??? We'll see...

ah 420girlie you say she ain't bright, but you don't have to be smart to fall blindly in love my dear I can count a handful of times when I look back at past relationships and say "STUPID me! How could I not see this coming? Why did I even waste the time?!"

bluntly put, BPP, IMHO, he's giving her empty promises, & excuses and not following through.

First warning signal was that he hasn't met her kids:
he absolutely should meet her kids! if he doesn't meet them, then he's not interested in being a future part of this girl's life, or doesn't realize/care that they're a big part of her life.
be forewarned: he may use "i'm nervous" as an excuse, either that or "I don't want to confuse the kids." Here's a test: she doesn't necessarily need to present him as their future daddy when she introduces them, but perhaps a "special friend," or even just a FRIEND. There - pressure's OFF< what's his excuse now?

Second warning signal: WTF? ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND? Not going to dump her until the divorce is final. My answer, being an experienced female who has been burned many a time?
NOTHING BUT A FAT EXCUSE. He's trying to buy her off with a trailer to live in & loading her fridge, giving false pretenses that they'll be together for a long time. He is even willing to get along with her friends/coworkers, and ask if she can have more kids.However, he is not willing to dump another gf? If he is truly interested in your secretary, BPP, he would have been fair and honest to his other girlfriend and told her about her, and either she would have dumped his ass, or he should be the man and break up w/ her.

The fact that he has to change the sheets because "her hair is everywhere" too is kind of odd - what are they doing both lying on the bed together if they're not sleeping together? hmm. I smell nookie all over that one!

ONE more thing. The past relationship issue ~ way too suspicious with all other factors than to let slide.

This guy sounds like he slides from relationship to relationship, breaking hearts wherever he goes no matter the price, and as smooth as he seems it makes it even more believable. Men like these are nasty nasty nasty and give me a bad taste for all men. Ask Phishhead I get suspicious about the lamest shit, not jealous, not insecure, just SMART about what goes on. Perceptive.

I read the positives, and I truly hope I am 100% wrong, but you asked our advice and there's mine. I say to her:
GO ahead and still date him if you want, (hey you need the practice since you've been married!) But don't get your heart broken, don't fall in love, and keep your options open until he commits and follows through with breaking up with this other girl. 2 girlfriends @ once? Just because one knows about the other, it's OK? I don't think so!!
ALSO just because his mom is nice or says nice things about her boy doesn't mean the man himself is. This guy has MOMMA'S BOY written all over him, and I'd stay the hell away from him!!

Good luck BPP and hopefully like I said I am wrong I hate the men who give guys like you & cowboysaxman & others in this world a bad name!!!

xo

[stonygurl]

and she needs to call him on it. Definitely lots of warning signs there that she needs to address before giving her heart to him.and there's the kids to consider. Any guy who wouldn't want to meet my kid would be out of the picture if I was interested in a serious relationship. just my 2 cents.

[Big Poppa Puff]

I knew all you stoner chicks would just jump on this post. *LOL*

I went over it with the wife last night and she is worried that her friend is getting dicked over and it bothers her. She knows the girl is in for a bad heartache down the road, but it's the girls choice to keep seeing him. If she is fine with being on booty call then so be it, but IMHO I've never known a girl who was happy being in this situation. I have a strong suspicion that this guy was one of the reasons this girl left her husband in the first place and I see this situation turning ugly down the road.

He's telling her what she wants to hear, he's trying to be nice to her friends, family, etc to win them on his side, i.e. when she goes to her support network to talk about him, they will think he's a good guy and tell her to tough it some more, etc.

This part of the country is full of 30 yro guys who have never been married and have played women their whole life. I feel sad for this girl and hope she makes the best choice for herself and kids.

[NdicaBud]

She..as a mother.. is a package deal...if the kids are not part of the interest he has with her,, then he may be the booty bandit who preys on her emotional weaknesses till the desire to feed on another arises,,,then she is tossed aside..

I personally can't stand this type of parasite..IMO...the greatest gift a man can give himself is honor...the greatest gift that he can receive from a woman... is is the giving of herself..

Sticky situation probably,,,,you getting involved.....I hope it works out for her....

[Big Poppa Puff]

Originally posted by NdicaBud

Sticky situation probably,,,,you getting involved.....I hope it works out for her....

I'm smart enough (I hope) not to get involved. But if someone asks me my opinion, I'm usually stupid enough to give it. The part that starts to piss me off, is this guy called my house and talked with my wife about the girlfriend and wants us all to go out together one night and he has even offered to do me some personnel favors at his family business. I've never met this dude and he offers to do me favors...wtf is that about.... trying to "buy" our approval.

I learned a long time ago that if it smells bad its probably bullshit.

[cowboysaxman]

Watch that snake close BPP, keep your shovel handy!! Dude smells real bad to me too!

[Big Poppa Puff]

I'm not worried. My wife knows that if she ever runs around on me it will be hell to pay. I will quit my job, run out on ALL my bills, mortage etc and head to the beach to sell sunglasses on the side of the road and drink and smoke all day long. No chance of collecting alimony from a beach bum!

[NdicaBud]

Originally posted by Big Poppa Puff


I'm smart enough (I hope) not to get involved. But if someone asks me my opinion, I'm usually stupid enough to give it. The part that starts to piss me off, is this guy called my house and talked with my wife about the girlfriend and wants us all to go out together one night and he has even offered to do me some personnel favors at his family business. I've never met this dude and he offers to do me favors...wtf is that about.... trying to "buy" our approval.

I learned a long time ago that if it smells bad its probably bullshit.

LOL......good analogy.......guy's a little to eager huh....

[ganjaphish]

ugh i worked with a guy like this, he actually had a baby with a girl he only had sex with ONCE in the back seat of a car. he would woo her over the phone, go visit the baby all the time, kiss her parents' and friends' asses and act like everything was ok and he was a committed father...

meanwhile his rich parents are offering him a 1-way ticket to scotland to free himself of the responsibility (forever)! and at the same time he talked to all of us in the office about what a slut she was and how unintelligent she was, and how he hated having to be nice to her and her family, but was afraid her brothers would kick his ass.

he would even buy her flowers, and helped her with car payments, even faked a romance with her for quite some time.

he was such an ass and i'm glad he quit, but this story reminds me strongly of your issue BPP, especially when cowboysaxman talked about him trying to "buy" approval.

the guy i worked with did the same type of thing to this girl and her family!

good luck i'm so sorry for this girl

[cowboysaxman]

ganjaphish it was BPP that originally stated the jerk was tryin' to buy approval, although we all believe that's what's goin' on. BPP, I sure never meant to imply that your wife would take an interest in this LOSER! If the Package is half as good as the Press, I'm sure she's smart enough to realize what a good man she already has!!

[ganjaphish]

Ooops sorry bout that was a little too stoned the other nite! heehee
BPP I agree, your wife would never go for it especially with such a super guy like you

xo