I just commited murder...

[killermaxwell]

I'm still shaking but, I guess I can tell my story. I need advice...

I was chillin' outside of my local 7/11, waiting to see if anyone would buy me some beer being that i'm only 19 and fucking laws make it you have to be 21.

Sure enough, 2 black guys agree, but right as i pull out my $20 bill to give them, they fucking punch me and kick me in the nuts.

They snatched my wallet and the $20 off the ground and ran yelling "SEE YA CRACKA!"

I was fucking on the ground shaking, sick to my stomach, but I managed to get enough will power to chase after them. I had a little over $200 in my wallet and I wasn't about to lose that shit.

As I limp along, looking for them, I finnaly catch up to them chillin outside burger king in there ghetto-ass caddy.

I run up to those motherfuckers and start beating the hell outta them. One guy pulls a switch blade and charges at me.

He grabbs me and held me in hostage position kinda, with the knife right up to my throat.

I remember the words exactly "LOOKS LIKE YO' MAMA GUNNA HAV TA BURY HER SONNNNN"

Right at that instant, powered purely by adrenaline, I grab the knife and slash the mother fucker in the face/throat.

Right then, his over friend jumps in and try to tackle me and grab the knife but he didn't succeed and i stabbed him right in the stomach. I reach into the now-dead first guys pocket and get my $200+ dollars back, along with his $40. Unfortunately, my wallet was no-where to be found.

I quickly ditched back to 7/11 to chill in my car and try and shake what the fuck just happened. My first idea was to call my mom and ask for her advice.

I told her about the whole scenario, only saying that I had my wallet out to count my cash. At this point, my mom got scared. She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air!'

I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror, if anything I can say this cab is rare, but I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air!'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'. I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air!

[Atlblazer]

What the fuck?

[kinkz]

you must've been trippin on horse tranquilizer or something when you wrote this shit.

[Neverwill]

Originally Posted by killermaxwell

Right then, his over friend jumps in and try to tackle me and grab the knife but he didn't succeed and i stabbed him right in the stomach. I reach into the now-dead first guys pocket and get my $200+ dollars back, along with his $40. Unfortunately, my wallet was no-where to be found.

So you kill a guy that took your money, and then after you kill him you grab your money and his.. Ironic?

Originally Posted by killermaxwell

I told her about the whole scenario, only saying that I had my wallet out to count my cash. At this point, my mom got scared. She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air!'

I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror, if anything I can say this cab is rare, but I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air!'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'. I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air!

What the hell... hah

[Blaze_It_Up420]

hahahah i was actually expecting that, still funny tho

[LoveTheGreen]

This shit is from those stupid totse boards...

[Blutteufel]

This is a tale explaining the manner in which my way of life was rotated along a Y axis until it reached a position roughly 180 degrees from that which it started. If I could have 60 seconds of your time, simply place your posterior in the selected location, and I will relate to you the details of how I was made the male monarch of the district of the City of Los Angeles, California located at coordinates 34.08333 -118.44778.

In the western region of the “City of Brotherly Love” known as Philadelphia, my mother expelled me from her womb and indeed that is also where I spent my childhood, in my mother’s care. The majority of my time was spent in a recreational area containing such diversions as a jungle gym, swing set, sand box, etc. I was typically at the height of leisure while frequently at a temperature slightly below what might be considered standard room temperature. Outside of my educational institution I was engaging in a game of basketball with some of my friends, when a couple of gentlemen who seemed to be of the disposition to cause a great deal of mischief began causing a great deal of chaos and disharmony in the area in which I lived. I was involved in one rather small bout of fisticuffs after which my mother became concerned for my general safety and well-being, and she informed me that I would be moving in with her sister and her sister’s husband in the previously mentioned community located at the previously mentioned location.

I implored my mother to relent approximately 24-48 hours ago, yet she gathered my belongings in a somewhat flat, rectangular shaped piece of luggage and expelled me from her presence. She placed her lips upon my cheek in an affectionate manner and handed me a pre-purchased pass for public transportation. I placed the headphones for my personal music system into my ears and verbalized the idea that I may as well impact this situation with my foot. Traveling in the highest available level of comfort, this is indeed an unfortunate situation (although I make this statement with some irony). Consuming the juices obtained by the squeezing of the fruit of a Citrus sinensis from a piece of glass stemware commonly reserved for the sipping of sparkling wine originating from the Champagne region of France, I pause to wonder if this is indeed how the residents of the admittedly upper-class neighborhood located at the previously mentioned location commonly live. Indeed, I find this situation may be rather to my enjoyment.

I puckered my lips and exhaled forcefully to produce a shrill note in order to gain the attention of a taxicab driver, and as the driver approached I observed his California vanity plate which, in place of the traditional jumble of alpha-numeric characters, used only the letters F, R, E, S, and H, spelling out the word “fresh”. Additionally, from his rearview mirror dangled a pair of oversized, fur-covered cubes decorated to look like the six-sided dice commonly used in gambling and board games. In such a situation I could have made a statement about the unusualness of this particular taxicab to the point of it being nearly unique. Instead I cogitatively decided against it and instead informed the driver that he should deliver me to what was to become my new home in the community located at the previously mentioned location.

We pulled up to a large domicile sometime between the hours of 7 and 8 o’clock, and in a loud tone of voice I informed the cab driver that at some undetermined point in the future I would again detect his odor through my sense of olfaction. I gazed about the region of land that I was destined to rule, reflecting on my arrival: Here I would claim my rightful place upon the throne, from which I would govern the previously mentioned community of Bel-Air as monarch.

[killermaxwell]

Originally Posted by Blutteufel

This is a tale explaining the manner in which my way of life was rotated along a Y axis until it reached a position roughly 180 degrees from that which it started. If I could have 60 seconds of your time, simply place your posterior in the selected location, and I will relate to you the details of how I was made the male monarch of the district of the City of Los Angeles, California located at coordinates 34.08333 -118.44778.

In the western region of the “City of Brotherly Love” known as Philadelphia, my mother expelled me from her womb and indeed that is also where I spent my childhood, in my mother’s care. The majority of my time was spent in a recreational area containing such diversions as a jungle gym, swing set, sand box, etc. I was typically at the height of leisure while frequently at a temperature slightly below what might be considered standard room temperature. Outside of my educational institution I was engaging in a game of basketball with some of my friends, when a couple of gentlemen who seemed to be of the disposition to cause a great deal of mischief began causing a great deal of chaos and disharmony in the area in which I lived. I was involved in one rather small bout of fisticuffs after which my mother became concerned for my general safety and well-being, and she informed me that I would be moving in with her sister and her sister’s husband in the previously mentioned community located at the previously mentioned location.
I implored my mother to relent approximately 24-48 hours ago, yet she gathered my belongings in a somewhat flat, rectangular shaped piece of luggage and expelled me from her presence. She placed her lips upon my cheek in an affectionate manner and handed me a pre-purchased pass for public transportation. I placed the headphones for my personal music system into my ears and verbalized the idea that I may as well impact this situation with my foot. Traveling in the highest available level of comfort, this is indeed an unfortunate situation (although I make this statement with some irony). Consuming the juices obtained by the squeezing of the fruit of a Citrus sinensis from a piece of glass stemware commonly reserved for the sipping of sparkling wine originating from the Champagne region of France, I pause to wonder if this is indeed how the residents of the admittedly upper-class neighborhood located at the previously mentioned location commonly live. Indeed, I find this situation may be rather to my enjoyment.

I puckered my lips and exhaled forcefully to produce a shrill note in order to gain the attention of a taxicab driver, and as the driver approached I observed his California vanity plate which, in place of the traditional jumble of alpha-numeric characters, used only the letters F, R, E, S, and H, spelling out the word “fresh”. Additionally, from his rearview mirror dangled a pair of oversized, fur-covered cubes decorated to look like the six-sided dice commonly used in gambling and board games. In such a situation I could have made a statement about the unusualness of this particular taxicab to the point of it being nearly unique. Instead I cogitatively decided against it and instead informed the driver that he should deliver me to what was to become my new home in the community located at the previously mentioned location.

We pulled up to a large domicile sometime between the hours of 7 and 8 o’clock, and in a loud tone of voice I informed the cab driver that at some undetermined point in the future I would again detect his odor through my sense of olfaction. I gazed about the region of land that I was destined to rule, reflecting on my arrival: Here I would claim my rightful place upon the throne, from which I would govern the previously mentioned community of Bel-Air as monarch.

HAHAHA that shits hilarious sounds like a class project.

[Blutteufel]

Originally Posted by killermaxwell

HAHAHA that shits hilarious sounds like a class project.

Nah, that's just what happens when you have too much weed and time.

[Blaze_It_Up420]

Originally Posted by Blutteufel

Nah, that's just what happens when you have too much weed and time.

hahaha that was great, did you really do thaty

[Smokey_McPott]

Well if this isn't shanagins....you totally just admitted you did it which is the first mistake....

[Blutteufel]

Originally Posted by Blaze_It_Up420

hahaha that was great, did you really do thaty

Got baked and wrote it up about two years ago when I first learned about the Bel-Air meme, and have been saving it for these exact occasions.

Originally Posted by Atlblazer

What the fuck?

Originally Posted by Smokey_McPott

Well if this isn't shanagins....you totally just admitted you did it which is the first mistake....

Lurk moar.

[suburbantoker]

needs to blend better

[Blutteufel]

Originally Posted by suburbantoker

needs to blend better

It's supposed to be like that, man. Hard on the eyes, and then you realize you just wasted two minutes reading it.

[TokingToker]

Who Sent You!? :d