How I finally cured myself from depression

[.raGe.]

Man that was a great read and indeed made me feel alot better about life. I can relate to alot of the stuff you had to say. Your very talented and have balls props to you man!

[Tokin'Tiger]

Originally Posted by Cali Ounces

I've googled suicide methods before, the sites they list dont really offer any information other than numbers for hotlines. Normally the fact that I wrote that sentence would disturb me, but it's true. Thats awesome for you that you have overcome depression, many people are afflicted (myself including). And I'd have to say it's the most crippling mental state you can have. I feel like a bitch for wanting to end my own life but the feelings remain. Sometimes I think that, in my life there have been periods of extreme contentedness. Yet I would never really label myself as being "happy" ever since I was taught what it meant and old enough to understand. That makes me wonder If I haven't ever been truly happy with my situation, would I be even if I improved it that much more? If I did everything that I wanted, had everything that I desired to complete me and my personality. . . would I be happy then? Lately the answer is a short and succint no. Alas yet here still I am. . .

Am I fixable? Given the option I wouldnt wish to be like this. Yet all the tools around me seem to be misfitten for the task. One thing however that seems to work temporarily is getting wasted. Weed, pills, alcohol. . . I'll take what I can get even nabbing a few percs and benzos from my father here and there so for a few hours a day my mind wont travel to that place.

Sometimes I think, perhaps its the drugs kyle. Perhaps you are just so fucked up all the time. Yet I find t'breaks leave me unable to cope with situations. My sober mind thinks much too quickly for my own liking. My sober mind travels to areas and forms conclusions that displease me, even scare.

Will I ever commit to a decision either way? No idea, I know that the thought of how my friends and family would take the news of their beloved's demise makes me cry. But I also feel that I'm trapped here in a permastage of despair that hides until I'm the most vulnerable. I heard a good quote from Hunter S. Thompson the other day on the city. I'd like to paraphrase it because lately it's what has been keeping me going onto the next day.

The only thing keeping me in this world is the fact that I have the choice to leave it at anytime should I see fit.

-Cali Ounces

Wow man, that is some deep, powerful stuff. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

The one thing about about depression that I have noticed is how hard it is to let people know what you are going through. People always seem to say- why are you depressed you have everything you need? Or people have it way worse off than you- if they are talking about lifestyle then no shit!! But is that supposed to somehow make you feel better? It only makes me feel worse, like obviously there are are people who are struggling to find food or whatever, but that has no direct effect on me. It just makes me feel even lower, thinking that if I have all of the things I "need" then why should I feel so bad? IMO one of the worst things you can say to someone who is depressed is that other people have it worse off.

All I can say to you Cali Ounces is to please hold on. Just try and take things one day at a time- I'm sorry if I sound like I am preaching to you- but I don't really know how to word what I am trying to say.

[Corbrey]

Great post man, your younger life up to sexy bitch is like a mirror image of my life. I'm only 18, and your 21 I'm guessing. I too am dealing with the devil of depression and smoke weed quite often, but I'm entering the Marines in hope that it will bring my life much honor and reason.

+rep mate, I'm glad you could beat it, I will give those books a look at. They sound great!

[Thomps]

First, being the type of person that understands how tough it is to tell others your own story and problems man that takes balls and even more than balls, that takes the want to help yourself, That is something that is very admirable.

What can I say, It seems that everyone is reading this cause they obviously seek the promised land that you have finally achieved and battled for. The weed helps the weed helps us all, look it's whats bringing us together now, who would of fucking thought that you could read someone's article and it have a life changing effect on what outsiders would think is a stoner gathering website, well it is but it just proves that we are so much more diverse than just smoking weed. It's truly amazing and you've IMO done the right thing by pouring it out, you may have saved lives you know, other people going through the same thing some people take suicide all the way.

From reading your thread it's pretty much an eye opener and I can already agree to a few of your 8 pearls of wisdom. Time heals all wounds, man that one is too true.

I've always tried to poke holes per say through religion and that it didn't make sense enough for me to really believe it. My thought was that some one honestly could have written the bible all those years ago without the same intentions that it has today. But I still cannot be sure what I want to really believe in but I think I may already know, to an extent.

best of luck to you, now we know that the light at the end of the tunnel is there even tho sometimes we cant see it.

[grok.]

all your problems appear to be related to other human beings....remove every human being currently in your life by picking up and starting anew in a different state/country.

time does not heal all wounds.
love heals all wounds.

i believe you need to open your heart to love more....the flow of the love vibe will transmute the depression.....loving nature and sunsets and shit is easier than loving other humans whom often smash u when ur heart is open..very painful...

[Cali Ounces]

thanks, actually things just got a little better for myself. although it still remains a tad bit bittersweet.

My friend is a functioning alcoholic, his entire family is as well. He gets the shakes when he doesnt drink for a few days. Anyways himself and I have always kept a lookout for each other as far as what we're both doing (substance wise). We each have come to terms with our addictive personalities and help one another fly straight. His mother gave him a bottle of prozac, for reasons unknown to me. But being the adventurous soul I asked for a few, really not expecting much. First dose was two pills, 40mg of fluoxetine(sp?).

HOLY FUCK

My entire life I have always felt like I wasnt really who I thought I should be. As if my version of "normal" was a state that was unachievable. That I would be prone to anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts for as long as my heart beats. But these pills have elevated me to as close to that goal I think I could ever reach. I've never felt so. . . okay. I feel as if I am happier, more productive and generally a better person to be around.

Now the dilemma, I'm assuming prozac makes everyone feel good. But for me it is as if I'm Dorothy and my world just turned to technicolor. So considering my families history of depression, is this a good move? I'll have to wait and see what my doctor thinks. . . but if this little white and teal pill is what I need to be alright then goddamnit I'll gladly take them.

I'm not one to jump so quickly to a serious decision such as beginning a long term prescription schedule, but I really feel as if this medicine helps me.


- Oh and even though its totally off topic, I should mention that having these in your system increases alcohol and marijuana effects exponentially. Two glasses of champagne and a bowl and I was melting into my chair watching 300.

[cam89]

sorry.....wayy too long lol

[toker69]

wow... im in shock i read the whole thing... what a story... i used to be depressed in a very small sense still get that same feeling every once in a while... your story is so inspiring and motivating and touching and moving and words cant even describe

thank you

[Tokin'Tiger]

Originally Posted by Cali Ounces

thanks, actually things just got a little better for myself. although it still remains a tad bit bittersweet.

My friend is a functioning alcoholic, his entire family is as well. He gets the shakes when he doesnt drink for a few days. Anyways himself and I have always kept a lookout for each other as far as what we're both doing (substance wise). We each have come to terms with our addictive personalities and help one another fly straight. His mother gave him a bottle of prozac, for reasons unknown to me. But being the adventurous soul I asked for a few, really not expecting much. First dose was two pills, 40mg of fluoxetine(sp?).

HOLY FUCK

My entire life I have always felt like I wasnt really who I thought I should be. As if my version of "normal" was a state that was unachievable. That I would be prone to anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts for as long as my heart beats. But these pills have elevated me to as close to that goal I think I could ever reach. I've never felt so. . . okay. I feel as if I am happier, more productive and generally a better person to be around.

Now the dilemma, I'm assuming prozac makes everyone feel good. But for me it is as if I'm Dorothy and my world just turned to technicolor. So considering my families history of depression, is this a good move? I'll have to wait and see what my doctor thinks. . . but if this little white and teal pill is what I need to be alright then goddamnit I'll gladly take them.

I'm not one to jump so quickly to a serious decision such as beginning a long term prescription schedule, but I really feel as if this medicine helps me.


- Oh and even though its totally off topic, I should mention that having these in your system increases alcohol and marijuana effects exponentially. Two glasses of champagne and a bowl and I was melting into my chair watching 300.

Right on man! I really hope that the medication helps you and that it does not cause any problems. Good on you for making sure you talk to your doctor about it. Maybe things are starting to look up for you

[Prea]

To the threadstarter:

So two of your friends got pissed off at you stealing a single shot? Wtf?

And are you still smoking bud?

Interesting read too, I read the entire thing, and can relate to many things in your post. I enjoyed that google video too.

[Shoe]

great story i enjoyed it and gratz on curing ur depression!

[hella chronic]

your thoughts are your world

there is a movie called "the secret" its also a book. read/watch it over and over again

you will never hav depression again i promise you
what ever you want you will hav

as a fellow sever depresionist mysef i went fom trying to kill myself to happiest person in the world with a outstanding atractive girlfreind andeough money to do anyting in one month

and it was because i understude "the secret"

p.s. it will requir some effort and practice but its 110% worth it

msg me and i will actually send it to you if you need i hate seeig people depresed and i love to see joy in peoples life after they read/watch it

ps.s.s-prozac will kill you as it almost did to me its a false medicen and should be illigal
it may be okay now but i ouwld rather do heroin than take prozac now.

FINAL note(sorry i chatyy i just really like to hwlp people)
if you hav comcast you can order "the secret" on demand

[Sir:Smoke:Alot]

i avoid being depressed by toking and popin a couple rolls every now and then

[ancible]

read it all. +1

[dino spamoni]

disclaimer: ok before i sound like an asshole, dont think im trying to brag by sayin this, i do have a lot of respect for what you posted but here it goes...

after reading that ive gone through shit ten times worse (thats the part i was reffering to) but i really dont have depression problems

now im wondering am i some kind of unemotional bastard (i dont think so...i hope not)

or

idk i think i either handle my shit better or do people just label there problems with depression (again not trying to sound like an arrogant asshole)

EDIT:rep for being able to post something personal and that fuckin long