Trying to stay on the Fence (friends + long read)

[s0ad05]

Ok let me try and sum this up the best i can...

My very best friend who Im really close with is probably the best person in my life. We hang out alot and just bullshit with each other. He's been there for me through some of the toughest times of my life since highschool. I consider him my brother just because of the relationship that we have.

Well as of last year he was going to Western Illinois University and we haven't been able to hang out all the time So a little over a year ago I met this girl. Her and I knew from the beginning that we could never get into a relationship with each other so we decided to just become really good friends. She's also been a huge part of my life this past year. One of those people who you can really open yourself up to without having to keep yourself guarded.

So my buddy got out of college during the summer. I've already been hanging out with her for about six months. I really was excited to have my buddy meet her even though he was into a relationship at the time. They are so alike its wierd sometimes. So through the summer the three of us hung out everyday. Then my buddy had to go back to school during the fall. So we decided that we would visit him up at college in September. So we hang out for the weekend at his campus and we all had a great time.

At that time I started to really notice that they were flirting with each other pretty hardcore. So we get back and I start talking to my friend and she basically cornered me into the topic of my best friend. We start talking and after a couple of drinks I kind of let out that my buddy really likes her but is real cautious to tell her. After that they started to talk and they decided that they would really like to date each other.

So four months later they've been dating and I've been really close friends to both of them. My best friend even transfered out here closer to home so they could be together. Its been awesome except when they get into a fight. They both come to me and try to get my input. Well they are both my really close friends so the last thing Im going to do is sell the other one out.

This really didn't bother me much until a couple nights ago. They both pick me up to smoke and they are fine until we stop at a gas station. Next thing I know they are fighting over some stupid ass shit but I didn't think it was that big of a deal. So they drop me off to pick up the bud for the night. As I get out to the car with the bag they are still fighting.

So they decide that they both dont want to hang out with each other for the night. Next thing I know we are at my best friends house. He asks me If I wanted to come inside and he'd drive me home later. I decide that I just want to go home cause im pretty pissed at both of them for making mountains out of molehills.

So he leaves and Im in the car with my other friend. Of course she is pissed off and she talks to me about everything. I give her answers that wouldn't put me into a bad situation if that doesn't sound too selfish. I decide to smoke a bowl because I really just wanted to get high. She smokes the bowl with me and starts heading over to my house. Then her cell phone rings. Its my bestfriend and he's pissed off cause Im smoking a bowl with her.

Now I understand that he's pissed off cause he thinks that Im not taking his side. Honestly though im just trying to stay on the fence. Now it may sound retarded that Im smoking a bowl and hanging out with his girlfriend. We've been real close though especially since he's been in college. Id hang out with her everyday and end up smoking. She's my really good friend and I care about her alot but sometimes it really worries me that my best friend thinks I would try to do something with his girlfriend because thats the ABSOULTE last thing I would do. Im just friends with her.

So two bowls later we pull up to my house. RING RING. Its my friend and he wants to talk to me. He starts laying out all his emotions on to me. He feels that Im always going to be there for his girlfriend but never for him.

This is so retarded because I'd take a bullet for the kid. He's family to me. So I get pissed off and tell him that Im not going to talk to him about this right now especially while im in the car with her. So we hang up and she drops me off. I decide to fucking smoke myself til I fall asleep. I get a call at 3am! Its the both of them and they want to hang out.

Neither of them wanted to talk about what happened with me the next day because they just wanted to drop it. Now im the kind of person where if there are ill feelings inside of me I will express them towards the person that has put them there in the first place.

Now what Im trying to figure out how do I deal with this? We all hang out together so Its not like I have alot of alone time with either of them so if I say something to them its going to be to both of them.

I care about them alot. They are the brightest spots in my life right now with my mother dying right now from heart failure. I love these kids but sometimes I can only take so much from either of them, but Im the guy who everyone turns to.

I Know that one of them is my best friend but I really dont want to put them into two different categories. I just want them to know that they both influence things in my life together and Im greatful equally to them.

I dont like the position they put me in sometimes. WHENEVER they fight they call me to bitch about the other one. Each time I have to take there sides on the phone so show my loyality. I just want everyone to get along.

[pilgrim11]

I think the best thing you could do is to tell them exactly that. You don't want to take sides and that it's not fair to you. If they're really that close to you then they should respect that.

[BONGZILLA420]

^ Exactly what I was going to say.

[Stonedgobln420]

Amen to that. I hope things work out for you.

[stickyone13]

been there. It sucked, and things worked out horribly for her, awesome for him. I'm still friends with him, and it's now really awkward whenever she comes around.

You need to tell them exactly what you told us. I never did that, and looking back i think it could've made a difference. They pushed me to the point that i had to pick a side, and she was wrong more often than not, so i picked him. I definitely don't envy your position.

::EDIT:: Is this the couple you talked about in some other thread a few months back? the beginning of the story sounds really familiar. You kinda wanted to date her back then, right?

[Blazin'Talon]

Print out your post and give it to them...it'll be easier than remembering the words and less corny than reading it to them.

[s0ad05]

Originally Posted by stickyone13

been there. It sucked, and things worked out horribly for her, awesome for him. I'm still friends with him, and it's now really awkward whenever she comes around.

You need to tell them exactly what you told us. I never did that, and looking back i think it could've made a difference. They pushed me to the point that i had to pick a side, and she was wrong more often than not, so i picked him. I definitely don't envy your position.

::EDIT:: Is this the couple you talked about in some other thread a few months back? the beginning of the story sounds really familiar. You kinda wanted to date her back then, right?

Nah i never really wanted to date her. She's more family to me than that.

Shit happened again last night. They picked me up to smoke a blunt and they were fighting again. Then my buddy asked me my opinion out of no where in the middle of the fight. I told him I just wanted to sit on the fence and smoke a blunt. Im gonna have to sit them down and talk about this because its wearing me down.

[thegreenfairy]

i have a similar situation - i told them both that they were both my friends and could vent to me, but if they wanted my opinion they would get exactly that.

if i think when or other of them is wrong - and one asks - i tell the truth in a neutral, non-threatening way. obviously - if it's one person's fault - they're pissed i say so - so nobody asks anymore. i have no bones about telling somebody - honestly i think ur wrong - u misinterpreted what the other said and are blowing something out of proportion, etc. now they both know i don't really take anybody's side but my own - and sometimes they realize that they both start really stupid fights. lol. but i guess it's one of the things they have in common.