Playing Devil's Advocate

My whole life people have told me I play Devil's advocate. I tend to tell people the things they don't want to hear. Like if a friend is in a fight with some one I tell them why the other person may feel the way they do. Inevitably my friend gets frustrated and assumes I am taking the other persons side. I do this inside my own head for my own decisions. I guess I do it to put myself on the other side of the situation and get a more complete picture. It is helpful in resolving disputes but damn if the people around me don't hate it. Anybody else experience this?

I do that too but usually I side right away with the person who's telling me their side, that way when I make them look at it from the other persons perspective, it won't be so hard on them.

Yeah that seems like a good idea to reaffirm whose side you're on. I think the people I know would still get mad though. It seems like they really have already decided that they are right and the other person wrong. My job is to just nod my head and agree with everything they say. When I throw a "but did you think about this..." they get all pissed and get a how dare I and whose side are you on attitude.

My whole life people have told me I play Devil's advocate. I tend to tell people the things they don't want to hear. Like if a friend is in a fight with some one I tell them why the other person may feel the way they do. Inevitably my friend gets frustrated and assumes I am taking the other persons side. I do this inside my own head for my own decisions. I guess I do it to put myself on the other side of the situation and get a more complete picture. It is helpful in resolving disputes but damn if the people around me don't hate it. Anybody else experience this?

I do that with everyone and everything. Including myself. It happens naturally. I dont force it. Its just who I am. I definitely agree with you in that most people dont like "the devils advocate" !

I play both the devil's advocate and the instigator.

How about just being neutral? No need to add to the conflict, and if you have an opposing view point as your friends say it in a neutral way and stick to what you think. Be an independent thinker. Your friends should respect your opinion, who likes someone who agrees with them all the time?

On the other hand I don't know your personality at all so it's hard to tell with something like this. You might be annoying your friends. If people have been telling you this your entire life something is up lol. That's when it's on you not others.

Damn man, why do you do that shit?

Just kidding, but I do get mad at my boy for that shit regularly. Boyfriends should remember to hate all the people their girlfriends hate but in the situation of friends...

My advice:
The good thing about being a stoner, which most here must be...right, oh yeah, the good thing about being a stoner is that you can look shocked, say "damn, that shit sucks" alot without really taking sides. Ask a lot of questions like "holy shit, why did he say that to you?" or, "how did that happen"? I think it actually helps people to see both sides. Also if you keep that stoner, squinty eyed, "damn, that sucks" face on, people generally feel that you're on their side.

Damn man, why do you do that shit?

Just kidding, but I do get mad at my boy for that shit regularly. Boyfriends should remember to hate all the people their girlfriends hate but in the situation of friends...

My advice:
The good thing about being a stoner, which most here must be...right, oh yeah, the good thing about being a stoner is that you can look shocked, say "damn, that shit sucks" alot without really taking sides. Ask a lot of questions like "holy shit, why did he say that to you?" or, "how did that happen"? I think it actually helps people to see both sides. Also if you keep that stoner, squinty eyed, "damn, that sucks" face on, people generally feel that you're on their side.

Naa man! True friends dont go around putting a BS persona just so you wont get your feelings hurt. A true friend will slap you and tell you that you are overreacting or whatever the situation is.

wouldn't playing Devil's Advocate be you manipulating people into doing things that are either illegal, morally wrong, or both????

Naa man! True friends dont go around putting a BS persona just so you wont get your feelings hurt. A true friend will slap you and tell you that you are overreacting or whatever the situation is.

I don't necessarily think being a friend is about giving you're opinions to everything, Sometimes people want you to listen. Of course, if the devil's advocate thought is eating at you, tell you're friend that other point of view but its usually not the best time when they're telling you about something bad they feel "happened to them". I don't really think opinions are what drive people to always play devil's advocate. I think it's a challenging nature. Sorry.

I'm not 100%percent sure all of what you're referring to about what I said but if it's regarding the hating people your girlfriend hates thing... well it's not required but I think you'll figure out it makes your relationships a little more comfortable. It's a small sacrifice come on. I know my boyfriend doesn't feel the anger that I do towards people that have wronged me but him not waving and smiling at them sure makes me feel better.

wouldn't playing Devil's Advocate be you manipulating people into doing things that are either illegal, morally wrong, or both????

In common parlance, a devil's advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, for the sake of argument.

--- Devil's advocate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I always thought it was taking another perspective for the sake of conversation as stated above, or sometimes some people do take shit soooo personally that if you don't show any view besides THEIRS, they would remain prettty rapped up in their head/with said idea.

Or..

Its just to show outside ideas, when you know deep down your gonna back your friends or Significant others, It shows the possibility of other perspective.

And thats exactly what I do. I always go for the opposing view point. If i am talking to anti-religion guy i am pro-religion if i am talking to nuns i take the atheist side. I agree with the above poster that it is a form of challenge. Idk i cant explain it. Although i have cut down on doing that because most people dont like that

I think it's necessary to make points over someone's argument. Especially if you're playing devil's advocate to someone who is hardcore firm in whatever they're debating about. It encourages them to sit the fuck down and shut up AND do their research a little more. But the main goal is to make sure that they understand the other side of the coin rather than being so narrow minded..

But it doesn't help when after I'm done playing D.A. I'd go, 'but in all seriousness... I can't believe you'd let him sun you like that..'

Wait.. so you just purposely go around and disagree with people just to argue? lol, thats what I call a troll.

Some people are genuinely shit at giving advice and you may be one of them if people have been saying this about you your entire life. You may see it as some sort of title or recognition of your insightful ways but the reality is probably that your judgement and people skills really aren't that good. People have a habit of ignoring their own shortcomings, ego/emotions get in the way of that and you have to defuse that before anything can happen. Once people have calmed down they are more open to new ideas.

If you want to actually help people, listen to them but stay neutral and start with the assumption that both sides are in the wrong. When you start telling them how you see things, you need to explain fully how you got to every conclusion rather than just telling them how it is. This helps them join the dots in their own head and see how you got to those opinions rather than feel like your shoving some opposing view in their face.