She\'s been totally aloof the past two weeks, saying she needs to work some shit out by herself. She kept saying things like, \"You\'re a great friend\", and \"I don\'t know why you like me\". She gave me a talk today about how you should just walk away from a relationship that isn\'t rewarding anymore, and that I should do that if I get too tired of her acting aloof and weird all the time. I know she must be really depressed, but I don\'t know what I can do. She\'s so emotionally distant, and she keeps reassuring me that I shouldn\'t worry about her. I\'ve recommended seeing a psychiatrist or something in the past, but she doesn\'t like the idea. She won\'t even try pot. She just gets drunk by herself. I mean, this kind of thing has happened before, but usually only about one day out of every month. It\'s been over two weeks this time. I\'m worried about her, but I don\'t know what I should do. I highly doubt she\'s depressed enough to commit suicide...but I still wish I could help her feel better, because it\'s obvious she\'s pretty miserable now. And, dammit, I love her and care about her a lot. Sorry to bother you all with my personal problems, but if someone has some advice or encouragement, it would be greatly appreciated.
From what you wrote I got the impression that she isn\'t interested in you anymore and is hoping that if she keeps this act up you will leave her and she will be guilt-free. I\'m not sure if that\'s the problem or not, but that\'s what struck me about it. Especially because of this:
That\'s what I thought at first, Hempress, but I think it\'s actually her defense mechanism. When she gets sad, she tries to push everyone away, which makes dealing with her in those times particularly frustrating. And thanks for reading and helping me with my silly relationship problems!
Man..you should try to get her away from the booze, the rest I have no idea about...I\'ve given up trying to understand women
Sorry to hear....I do agree with both you and Grim. You gotta get her away from the booze. Try to get her to a shrink or summin. A binge helps for short term depressions (I do it sometimes when I have a problem), but in the long run...it\'ll just make everything worse. But I guess you know that. Try to comfort her and see if she\'s willing to tell you what it\'s all about. Don\'t push her, though. She doesn\'t wanna tell you, you gotta accept that. But still support her and recommend a psychologist. Sometimes it\'s just easier to tell your problems to a complete strnger who has professional experience in that area of life... Good luck to you both
I know where your at man. Being in a relationship with a depressed girl is tough. My ex girlfriend is suicidal and cuts herself.
Ah...I hate that. Got so many young girls at my ward who do that all the time. Never thought I\'d experience that myself but when I broke up with my last long term relationship, I kept gettin those sms that she now is gonna kill herself because of me. Man I spent many a day worrying if she\'d live to see the next day. And I spent hours of convincing her not to do it. She\'s alive and well now. Gonna have a baby in a month. But I tell you: Those were the worst 2 months of my life...I don\'t want anyone to experience that kind of thing
Now, I\'m definitely not an expert, but I think you need to sit down with her and talk to her. Ask her if she\'s happy in the relationship, straight up. If you care about her, and the relationship is what\'s bugging her, then you need to find out. Make sure she knows that you care about what\'s best for her and you don\'t like seeing her this way; you only want her to be happy. There\'s the end of the cheezy part. Now, honestly, I think you should get her to try weed. You\'ll want to assure her that it\'s safe and you\'ll be there with her when she tries it. It\'s been reported to be a VERY effective anti-depressant, even when nothing else will work. However, it probably won\'t help if she doesn\'t want it to, so make sure she willingly tries it; don\'t try to force anything or trick her into saying yes. (http://www.rxmarihuana.com/anxiety_and_depression.htm) You could try showing her that short story, to see if it helps at all. Good luck, man, and I hope it all works out for the best.
There isn\'t an easy answer to this. Either she is trying to dump you gently (which I don\'t think is happening, but it\'s still a possibility) or she is seriously depressed and needs to learn a better coping stategy. She needs to talk to someone, and I\'d bet that she\'s never felt loved before, and never felt like she\'s been able to trust someone before. This is hard shit to deal with, man. If you want to help her, you\'ll have to convince her that she can trust you, that she can talk to you, and that she can tell you anything and you\'ll still love her for her. It\'s very hard to convince someone that you love them unconditionally, especially if they\'ve been trained/raised with conditional love from those that they\'re close to (relatives, friends, parents). Many parents practice conditional love and don\'t realize it and it\'s very sad and often causes situations like this. The best thing you can do, IMHO, is to reassure her that you love her unconditionally, that nothing that she can tell you about herself or anything that she\'s done is going to make you love her any less, that you love her for her because she\'s who she is, and that you love her the way she is. Let her know that you\'re truely concerned about her, that you worry about her because you love her and that seeing her depressed makes you sad and upset that you can\'t do anything to make it better. Then ask her to talk to you about it, whatever it may be, and remind her that you want to talk about it becuase you just want her to feel better and that whatever it is, you won\'t stop loving her just because of it. The most important thing that you can do is show her, repeatedly, that you love her and care for her unconditionally and to let her know that you WANT to be there for her to talk to. It may take 10, 15, or even 100 times of your assurance before this will start to sink in, but remember that you\'re undoing years of damage caused by people that always told her \"I\'ll love you if...\" and healing takes time.
The thought has crossed my mind, too but it\'s not the best idea of all. She seems to disconnect herself from the world when she\'s down. And what you actually need in times of depression is social contacts. And as far as I know that can be hard if you first start smoking to get over a depression. Some tend to sit at home, get really beyond stoned and watch tv, even when nothing interesting\'s on.
to cheer her up try doing her favorite thing with her, fix her her favorite food, ect. and get her away from the booze, go on a binge and come out without resolving your problem and your just sober and even more down. try gettin her to smoke pot, lol. seriously though, it might relax her and give her emotions a chance for a break.
First off, I want to thank everyone for giving me honest and thoughtful advice. I know GrassCity is the only message board on the entire internet where I could ask for advice about a personal problem and be taken totally seriously and responded to helpfully. Today, out of the blue, she wanted to talk to me. She said she was feeling a lot better mentally. I asked her what had prompted this sudden change, and she said she just realized that, \"maybe everyone doesn\'t know exactly what they want to be happy all the time\". She said what was driving her crazy was not being able to figure out how to be happy. And that maybe a better strategy would be not spending so much time worrying about whether or not she\'s happy, and just taking life as it comes. All of this good advice, all of it stuff I\'ve been trying to tell her all along, but she\'s now starting to realize it herself. She thanked me for my behavior during this crisis, which was pretty much exactly what Pot Geek\'s advice entailed (very good advice, by the way, but my intuitions already told me to do those things a while back). I said I was worried the whole time that maybe I wasn\'t doing enough, but she assured me I did exactly what she needed, and she honestly did just have to sort this stuff out herself. Go figure. As far as the booze situation goes, I still need to talk to her about that. She basically only drinks heavily when she\'s in these super-depressed funks, but getting in the habit of solving emotional problems by getting drunk is a bad idea. Now that she\'s feeling better, I might try again to get her to partake of the great herb. She\'s declined in the past because of health concerns, illegality, and because she\'s afraid she\'ll end up enjoying it TOO much, as Mr. Skinner was saying. But in moderation it could really help with feeling too anxious and depressed...it\'ll give her a sort of vacation, and a much more healthy one than getting smashed out of her gourd every time she\'s feeling down. Here\'s the best part, though. She said to me, without ANY prompting (and we haven\'t talked about this for months), \"Maybe I should try seeing a psychiatrist.\" That\'s awesome! Whether or not she wants to continue seeing one past the first visit doesn\'t really matter. At least for me, I started getting over my depression from the first minute I decided I was sick of feeling this way all the time and wanted to get better. Just the wanting to get better often helps just as much as the therapy/medication, at least in my experience. At the very least, she\'s got the right attitude and is on the right track. Obviously she\'s not cured, but this new development is a load off my mind. Things should get better, at least temporarily, from here. Once again, I want to say that I love you all. In a very sexual way. I want to make sweet love with all of you down by the fire. And have your babies. Thank you so much for helping me. ~Sad Panda
Hei...glad for you. Hope it all works out fine in the end. lmao...you wanna have my baby??? First you need a womb, then a muff
heheh little late bud seems they are cool now. good stuff bud! hope everything picks up even more from here.
I\'m very happy that this is moving in the right direction. I was so into what Pot Geek was saying because it was so on track with what I was thinking but so much better and then I read that things have already started to get better...that\'s great, Panda Bear!!!! She apparently gets true unconditional love from you...some people may never experience that. She\'s a very lucky girl! I\'ll send some ~karma~ to help you.
I have had my share with suicidal girlfriends... its like they find me Anyways dont push just give her space its her decision. Just let her know that you have strong feelings for her and that its her decision to act on them. Oh and if you start seeing more suicidal clues (scratches on wrists, lots of alcohol consumption, violent behavior) Make sure you find some help for her. I know it seems like a bitch ass thing to do but she will thank you in the long run. Ive known people who have killed themselves and I wish I would of told someone to stop them from making that final decision in there lives. good luck though
You bet. I\'m the fucking king of unconditional love. My first girlfriend dumped me FOUR times and changed her mind after every one, and I always took her back unconditionally. I\'m a sucker like that. I will. Right now, it\'s just at the stage of depression, very low self-esteem, and drinking every night. That\'s pretty bad, but it could be a lot worse. And if it DOES get a lot worse, I\'ll be the first one to make sure she gets help before she becomes suicidal. Well, you weren\'t really wrong. Her position now is basically, \"I, of course, love you. But I know I\'m being really hard to deal with and crazy, so if it ever gets too much for you, dump me.\" So she is trying to give me an out, but I think it\'s out of \"consideration\" for me. I would blame this on her low self-esteem. It\'s like I have to fight with her to get her to realize that I love her and I\'m not going to up and walk away just because she\'s going through some hard times. Oh well...hopefully everything will work out. Well, here\'s something to cheer all of us up in a somewhat depressing and serious topic: Play Duck Hunt on your own computer! There are a lot of other great old video games on that site, too. Enjoy!