I'm gonna have to bitch about this

[stonie jo]

High all!! Haven't stopped to post in a while-been SUPER busy. From what I've had time to read, looks like all are well.

OK here goes (I'll try & keep it short!).....as some may remember, I've been blessed with three boys. The two oldest are from my first marriage. I hate my x with a passion but I try to keep shit on the down low for the boys. He's a total flake and only comes around when it's convenient for him (he lives 10 miles from us), no child support, nothing but lies and bullshit. So he finally shows up for the last court deal, blows smoke up thier asses and then starts his guilt trip on me. I know for a fact they would love to see him, especially #2, he IS his dad! In every way unfortunatly. So I tell him I have no problem with him havin the boys if he's not gonna be partyin all nite on the river with his loser buddies. I just worry about them when they are with him. They told me last summer after a river party they were drivin' home (pickup truck-gravel road-boys in the back-him drunk and fightin' with his slut) and he was all over the road. I DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE WITH OR WITHOUT MY KIDS IN THE CAR!!!!! Anyway he swears it will all be cool. This is where I should just start banging my head on the wall because I know better than this. I really want the boys to be with thier dad-they NEED it!! So I OK it for the weekend. You should have seen the look on thier faces!!!! I was even happy to see #1 was looking forward to it. He's plenty old enough now to know his dad's an asshole but he promised them he'd take them fishin' and campin' all that crap. Oh yea one thing I forgot to mention is his sluts little spawn. The boy (10 or 11) smokes cig's the girl (16) is tryin to get married to get out of the house-the slut had to go to jail because the spawn were not going to school. So I go through this big rant on how I know the boy smokes and if they do it, I'll find out and they'll never go back. No tellin lies over there or any of my business, blah blah.....I covered EVERYTHING. Told x the same shit, no parties, the kids don't run the streets all hours of the day and nite and all will be cool. They go-I stress-Sunday they're home....all seems cool, #2 takes off swimmin', #1 stays home wathchin' TV, we get to talkin'......seems they never went fishin' or campin'-dad slept all day Saturday-no food in the house-slut wont cook or get food-#1 & boy spawn cook "big brownie in a big pan" to eat-oh yea and the first thing #2 does when he gets there is ask boy spawn for cig!!!!!!!!!

OK I gotta rest.........................

[cowboysaxman]

I really understand!!

One of the many reasons we moved so far from Calif. was to put distance between our youngest(My stepson, but I've raised him since he was 2, He's MINE!!). His Dad NEVER calls or writes, his Mom (father's) is the only contact we have.

Two summers ago we sent him back to see them (required by court, but His Dad only made use of his visitation this once). When he came home he told us they wouldn't give him his Meds. (He's Asthmatic, and has ADHD an ODD) because they didn't think he needed to take that "crap"!!! He was VERY sick, his asthma was RAGING!! His Dad was gone most of the time he was there(off with his friends!!) and something happened involving their swimming pool that he REFUSE'S to talk about!! Was being watched by 2 cousins, that left him unattended is all we can get out of him, but he was PETRIFIED by water , until I've just recently got him comfortable with swimming again!!

His Dad has even gone so far as to suggest (TO our BOY!!!!) that I adopt him!!!! I've wanted to for a LONG time, but I want it to be my Son's decision!! NOT mine, and NOT his flakey freakin' father!!!! T (our Son) still loves his father thru it all, but NEVER asks about him, just his Grandparents occasionally.When T does talk about his Dad he is so confused, and heartbroken it tears me apart!! How could a man ignore his SON!!!!!!!!!


It's REAL hard not to trash his Dad, but T already knows whats up, and I'm sure your boys do two. Some of what seems so bad though, will happen at home, even if we can't admit it to ourselves!! Such as wanting to "experiment" with smoking and such. It just pisses us off when we get the news second hand, as we're SURE that wouldn't happen if they were home!!

We DO know what you're going thru, even if my reply wasn't clear!! Keep on Keeping on Lady, it sounds like you're doing pretty Damn good, all things considered!!

[Big Poppa Puff]

Sounds like you are still in love with your ex husband and would take him back in a minute................

[Big Poppa Puff]

I'm sorry for that one above. I just couldn't help myself. I'm sorry for your situation and for your kids that have to be around that shit. Maybe one day the ex will realize he's screwed up any chance at all of having a good relationship

[highawatha]

Originally posted by Big Poppa Puff
Sounds like you are still in love with your ex husband and would take him back in a minute................

i seriously hope you were joking.
i'd let slut in on a few things....
#1 not feeding your children will result in future problems for the X this will trickle down to her.
#2 physical fighting infront of your children will result in more problems whick will also effect her.
#3 if the sluts children teach yours any bad habbits these will directly relate to HER.
man, all you can hope for is the very best and hope to god your x-mate for anyone whoever wherever, treats their kids right no matter what. it sucks fiercly when they dont. good luck
hugs

[stonie jo]

I know he would never intentionally harm the boys, it's the things he doesn't worry about that scare me.
He has a few other kids (I think there are 7 including our 2) and he doesn't treat the rest any better. I don't think he'll ever change, he hasn't in 15 years now. He thinks he's OK. He even asked me why my husband at the time didn't get a job so the P.A. office would leave him alone over the child support. I don't want the boys going to him when they have important life questions because of his twisted sense of reality.
Critter, you sweety, I know where you're comin' from and I'm in no position to throw stones. If this had been the only time I probly wouldn't stress but he's always doin' some fucked up shit with the kids. And thank you for love and sloppy smooches and right back at ya!!!
Thanx 2 you Cowboy, I know there are millions of people like us out there goin through similar shit...........I'm trying to handle this the best I know how with the future in mind all the time. I don't want to screw shit up for the boys or me now or later on down the road. Like I said, #2 will be my problem child. I expect all of them to pull thier shit on me but #2 has this shitty disposition, like everybody's against him. He's been tested for A.D.D. and all that. I knew it wasn't anything like that-it's just your average old behavioral problem. I know it's genetic. All I can do for my boy is give him some of the advantages in life his dad did not get from his mother.
Unoit thanx ((((((((((hugs back)))))))))))). I wouldn't know where to start on a legal attack. The P.A. department is supposed to be representing me (on child support only) and they seem more concerned about doing things to suit him. They are takin him to court on two child support cases and JUST figured that one out!!
B.P.P...............................damn you figured me out!!! I'm not happy 'till I'm miserable!!! Thanx for your concern and thoughts. You guys are the shit!!!!!
Higha......you know me girl!!! I have been a very good girl and not done a HANDS ON attitude adjustment yet. Fighting isn't always the answer but it might make me feel better for a while. Of course it would be a waste of my time and energy these people are living in a totally different world that the rest of us!!!!!!
Love you all!!!

[cowboysaxman]

"I wouldn't know where to start on a legal attack. The P.A. department is supposed to be representing me (on child support only) and they seem more concerned about doing things to suit him. They are takin him to court on two child support cases and JUST figured that one out!!"

stonie jo, go to a search engine and type in "child support". You will see a list of agencies and groups that will tie into the ex like a pit-bull!!! Finally there is some help out there for people trying to catch up with deadbeat parents ( Notice I didn't say deadbeat Dads, there are women out there skipping out on paying the support for their children too! )


It's NONE of your ex's freakin' business whether the man you're with has a job or not!!!!!!!! I love and support "T" 100%, but that has NO bearing on the responsibilities of his worthless father!!!!!! That's the ONLY reason he wants me to adopt "T", so he can escape his responsibility!! Just as soon as "T" makes that descision I'll PROUDLY, legally make him my son, but I refuse to "buy" him!!!!!!!!

[Bud Head]

Sorry to hear about your problem Stoniejo.

If you must lable people at least knoiw how to lable them.

Father-- Male who loves and takes care of their offspring.
Also one who provides and helps care for said child.


Mother-- Female beats the hell outta the male when doesn't take care of child.
Also one who nurtures child for 50+ years.



By law the fatrher has rights to see their children. By law the mother is to inform the law when ever the child is being miss treated.
Sometimes things don't go as planned. Don't be upset if they were going camping and didn't get to. Ifd the kids return home with no signs of abuse you should happy.

Just a note for ya. Men are not near as perfect with kids as women are. Women have the natural instinctr to be a mother. Men have a natural instinct to screw mothers. Just thought that i'd add that because men don't think some things will harm the child and the mother will think everthing will harm the child.

Back to your problem. You need to get behind the PA to make him get his child support up to date. If you don't act to concerned they won't either. If you let it go , it will be hard to get them to do a damn thing.

All and all my best wishes and hopes go out to you and family.
Peace love and better days to ya!!

[stonie jo]

BH you're so very right. I suppose I just expect too much from him. Wait a minute.......I don't think the truth would be too much to expect one friekin' time!! Oh I'll deal with it day by day like I have for 14 years now...........it would just be so nice to have someone to back me up, you know?
Anyway thanx fer puttin' up with my silly bitchin' and fer all yer words and support!!!

[smokinokie]

I'm so sorry about you're predicament Stony!


I know legal stuff takes time money and emotional strife! That would have to be you're call.



But here's my take.



Maybe if you can gird your loins and ride it out, the situation will handle itself. I had a friend in a similar situation, the ex-wife was the problem in his. He got full custody and she disappeared. Years later, she re-appeared after he was already happily re-married. She had the balls to tell his wife that she was the boys mother. His current wife had raised his 2 boys from the age of 7 and 6 to their teenage years! And she had been nowhere near them for 12 years! Mother my ass!



Anyway, they went to see her a few times. It did'nt take long for them to figure out that she did'nt give a rat's ass about anything but herself!


Maybe that's how you're stuff will work out.


Whatever happens, I know that them boys know where they'll be looked after and loved.


And I know that what ever happens, it's all gonna be OK!


Take care and be strong!


((((((((Stonyjo)))))))

[ganjaphish]

stoniejo well at least your kids know that you're doin the best you can! at least you allow them the time to spend with their father, so they can see for themselves what they are "missing." if you didn't let them go, they might have been mad at you for "denying them their father"?

i am angry too, at what happened, or more what DIDN'T happen when the boys went to visit, but you are such a strong mother and woman to be able to let them go in the first place, knowing the predicaments they possibly could be going through. i wouldn't be able to sleep a wink either!

sounds like you need to talk to their father and let him know that not feeding his kids is NOT acceptable, neither is sleeping the whole time they are there.

i would no longer let the kids go to visit their father, unless you can come along to supervise/chaperone. it sounds like your lil' ones, too, think it's a place where they can get away with anything they want! tell their "dad" that's not the way you worked so hard to raise them, and wouldn't like them in that environment again! and unless he can prove otherwise, HE will have to come see THEM with YOU PRESENT!

it might be hard for you to spend time with the ex, but that way your kids can still see their dad, and you can make sure their basic needs are taken care of, and other dirty deeds are left undone.

good luck in your difficult situation, and if ya need anything PM me!!!!!
p.s. we might be headin' your way sometime in the fall!!

[stonie jo]

They acted like last week never happened when thier dad called for them again. I took them-explained thier stories......half was fact half was fiction. I'm figuring the part about not havin' any food was fiction, the rest.......questionable. This time they come home with tales of...........how would you say it?........hyperventilating? Asphyxiation.............they found entertainment by cutting the blood off to thier brains 'till they pass out and watching each other convulse. They only did it once mom-and they didn't like it!! And he STILL hasn't taken them fishing which has been the plan each time they've gone. How am I not supposed to be sinking this fucker to the bottom of the deepest pit around?!?! 'Cause I'm the dipshit that keeps lettin' them go! And yes I am in the habit of answering myself.....I have to have someone to talk to!!!!!!
Everytime they spend any time over there I have to undo whatever it is he's done. The battle is beginning to make me weary already and I have SO FAR to go!!! I need to start draggin' my ass to church for some extra support. Once again something I will have to do alone. There are so many people in my life...........who arent worth a SHIT!!!
By the way..............to you my 'City' buds........total strangers who have been some of the best pals a girl could want...........Thanx again for your support (like a brand new bra!!!). LOL!!! Had to get a little chuckle in there!!
Ganj-good to hear from ya girl!! You still gettin my e-mails or what? You all have a safe trip when ya come and you know you have to tell me when, so we can meet, like halfway or sumthin!!!
I think I've let the boys be with thier dad all that I can stand. I figure I can be busy every weekend 'till school starts again and then they will be 'out of season' for him!!! LMFAO!!!!!
Luv ya all!!!!

[Mayor_LaLa]

Stoney..... don't know you yet, cause I just moved into the "City" and haven't gotten to know many people yet. Since you don't know me, and I am sharing my opinion with you, you have every right to tell me to "Shove it".... but, here is my take.

You sound like a reasonable, smart, loving mother, who is striving only to give your children the very best in life. You consider the biggest draw back to be having to deal with a man that had neither the understanding, nor the insight to even try to pretend to be a good dad. The only comfort that I can suggest that you take in the situation is the fact that Kids are no where near as naive as we Adults like to pretend. Their reasons for wanting to be with their father have to do with the whole "rules of the house" thing. When with you, they must abide by certain rules, and they know that you are always around watching over them. At their father's house, there are no limits at all on their behavior and actions.

The best you can really do for your children in this situation, is give them a security that they are always welcome to come back to. Teach them to think for themselves, and then what other people try to tell them, they will compare with what is already in their hearts and minds.

Best of luck to you in everything, especially this situation. Hopefully I have not stuck my foot in my mouth too badly.

LaLa

[stonie jo]

Welcome to our wonderful city!!! Don't feel bad about anything you've said..............you hit the nail right on the head!! I'd love to think I know everything about my boys but I probly really don't want to know everything!!! They laughed at me when they found out I've been stressin' on the hyperventilating thing........."oh mom we didn't start doin that at dad's-we tried it last year at so&so's and we were showin it to 'the spawn' Turns out mine are the 'spawn' as well. Sometimes it's hard for me....I'm at the point where over parenting could drive them away and underparenting could get them taken away.

[Bud Head]

Stonie jo send them boys down my way! I'll get them fishing, camping and all the rest with out leaving the farm! They' ll enjoy themselves to the max around here!!!