King in Your Own Concious

[Mortikai]

I posted this in Spirituality and Philosophy also, but feel it deserves to be here also as a re-introduction of my self.

WARNING LONG READ. I don't know how much anyone can get out of reading this, but its my general philosophy on life after my 2nd acid trip. read if you want, don't bitch if it wasn't what you expected.

You know what you’ve taught me, and you know my character. I understand that I do not know everything important about this world. There will be times when I make mistakes and will have to come to my parents for help, but that is what they are there for. They have taught me my principles, so they are somewhat responsible, but the world is mostly what’s responsible for making me what I am now. More than principles, I have been taught morals. That is what parents are for most of all, because the set of morals we are taught will be the basis for how we live our lives. I believe my mind operates very analytically, and is coupled by a strong sense of morals with which to apply this ability to retain knowledge. I take great pride in this, because I have to, and I’m perfectly happy taking pride in this. In fact I prefer to, because it is what my code of morale dictates, which was passed onto me mostly through what parents believed was best for me. A large part though was passed on based on my perceptions of society. I want a life beyond what I see in our society today. Call it a “young-man’s ideals,” if you will, made before society had the chance to beat any sense of hope out of him. It is not up to us to play the system to get what we can out of it, but our duty to work with the system for the benefit of the rest of the system - A wholesale, wholly-accepted bit of communism, if you will, because our society goes no where if those who have more knowledge are not willing to share it. I have gone through my entire life living in a way of how I thought I should live. Meaning, I see society and see how people work and operate, and see what society likes to see in people based on their long-founded standards (often shown through the media and Hollywood, whether or not we’d like to accept that), and subsequently try to act accordingly. I guess for this you’d have to take to be able to trust that I carry to heart that strong set of morals thrust upon me, which I do. Well I lived and acted, lived and made mistakes and acted some more, all the while wondering how I was doing. I never stopped to wonder who I was acting for, and so I just recently have and have crossed into manhood. I act for my parents, and I offer them and any others so willing to offer up free knowledge the utmost respect, but expect the same respect from them. Not deference by any means, but respect that I am here and new and still growing and learning but no longer need someone to hold my hand while I explore. I am more than willing to learn and continue learning because having more knowledge on a topic is never a bad thing. But, it would be a tremendous lift of pressure off my worn, teen-age shoulders, if it could just be recognized openly that I have a good head on my shoulders and use it accordingly. I will make mistakes, society demands that this be so, but I’ll do my best to learn from them, and learn all lessons the easy way from my teachers if I can. The thing is, everyone talks about that ONE mistake like it’s the only thing that’s important, all the while forgetting about the endless other days of few monumental errors, if any. So everyone worries about what will happen or what will be. I’ve decided to stop that, it’s not worth it.

I’ve lived my life following the tracks of society and, while all the while giving great advice to others on how little everyone else’s opinion should matter, but I never took the time to apply my own advice. I don’t care about society’s opinion any more. I do care about the opinions of those who I respect, but they are specific people, and not a whole society. So, why should I please society? I don’t care if society, or authority, or my parents are pleased, and I’m sorry for that, but its how life goes, because I’ve lived too long already worrying about what others think of me. I just don’t care anymore, because I’m happy with me. And that’s all that matters in my own head.

I love my parents to death, and offer them the utmost respect and in some cases deference. But because I understand that I am not completely knowledgeable about the ways of the world yet, I already understand that I will make mistakes. When these are made I will need my parents for advice, and comfort, and sometimes help. But I will not ask as a child, and I will certainly never demand it, but will ask as man, and take only what is willingly offered. But they are my parents, and this is how life works, and so I have accepted it and so others should do. I have taken what they have taught me, I will accept no more attempts to mold my character because it wouldn’t do anyone in good and so any more alterations there will need to come by hard and true experience. There’s no use getting stressed off about it. I am here nonetheless, and so society will have to live with me. And I will live to work with society also, for I have no desire than that but to learn. If I could live life just learning and be comfortable in this society, then I would. But that’s not possible. Because the system dictates that to be comfortable and happy we need certain things, and because I agree too that I would like certain things (we all have our faults), I must live on a path to attaining those wants and needs, and the list is not long. So I must ponder how best to live my life. And because “best” is a perception in itself, I’ve decided to live as *I see* best to live my life, based on what I know, instilled in me by parents, and teachers (among them professors, situations, circumstances, and life in general.) I’ve decided that the best way to live my life is living for what I want out of life, because living for what other people want out of me is ultimately unfulfilling. So what do I want? What do I see as best for me? Honestly, I see me learning, as I always have, and making money along the way to provide for me and any family I may meet or create along the way, but only as I need it. And I’ll need it because society has told me I would (as opposed to just not caring about money and lending a helping hand because in the end we’re all people anyway). I am no longer the Mortikai living up to, not everyone else’s standards, but what he believed his standards of himself should be because of how he saw society operating. He’s gone. Now I’m here, and I’m stepping out into the world. Ready and willing to learn, and make mistakes, and learn some more, and do my best not to do anything which my own morals dictate I shouldn’t be doing. I am here, I am Mortikai. I want to learn. I want to live.

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This, though, is a vow. As I do live and learn, I will never be afraid to step up and claim this life as my own, and when I do I will say it with pride, because it is the only life I’ll have had to experience or will ever have to experience. I won’t go through life dealing with regrets of what could have been, but instead living for what might be. Again, I am here. I am man. Let me learn. Let me live.

P.S I base a lot of this off my set of morals. What are they? They apply differently to whatever question is asked of me, but I’ll do my best to explain them for each if I am simply asked a specific question. I trust that they are good.