Poking fun at the English language...

[Panhead]

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham
in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England
or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose,
2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend? If you have a bunch
of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If
teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for
the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance
be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by
going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of
the human race
(which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out,
they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.