do you know the one about the stoner..

just_a_girl · #1 (**permalink**) 01-26-2006, 11:22 PM

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: What? Who cares, it was too bright in here anyway...

Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls.
One says to the other i sure wish i could do that.
The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.

br3ad_ · #2 (**permalink**) 01-26-2006, 11:56 PM

HAHAHAH ROFLMAO! omg..those are the best stoner jokes ive heard, actually some of the only stoner ones i heard/read..

Mango_Man0727 · #3 (**permalink**) 01-27-2006, 02:41 AM

the last one was hilarious! the others were alright but the last one trumps them all

AndyPL · #4 (**permalink**) 01-28-2006, 09:01 AM

Last one is the best. Good stuff, made me laugh as hell!

smokerings · #5 (**permalink**) 01-28-2006, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by just_a_girl

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: What? Who cares, it was too bright in here anyway...

Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls.
One says to the other i sure wish i could do that.
The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.

can you believe I have done all of those sober?

xxxWOLFExxx · #6 (**permalink**) 08-16-2009, 06:22 PM

lol. nice ones bro

Stoned Pixie · #7 (**permalink**) 08-28-2009, 04:20 PM

Whats the best way to get a hippy out of a tree with a joint? Wave at him

MaltedGrapez · #8 (**permalink**) 09-01-2009, 07:52 PM

Hilarious!

"Stoner Prayer"
Now I pass out into sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
Grant no other stoner take
My weed and bong before I wake
Keep me safely in thy sight
And grant no crack head's thrill tonight
And in the morning let me awake
Breathing scents of wake ’n bake
God protect me in my dreams
and make this better than it seems
Grant the time may swiftly fly
When myself shall be so high
In a green grass weed bed
Where I long to rest my head
Far away from all these scenes
And the smell of bammer smoked by beans
Take me back into the land
Where the cops never take you out
Where the weed won’t burn my throat like sand;
Where the scent of chronic blows
Where the good Mary Jane grows;
Take me back and I’ll promise then
Never to leave BC again

not a joke but i found it while searching on google for random shit...i chuckled @ it...

anyways... More stoner jokes! more!

wild0thing0 · #9 (**permalink**) 09-01-2009, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smokerings

can you believe I have done all of those sober?

no...

haha those are funny.
here are some more:

"What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?"
"A drunk drives through the stop sign... a stoner waits for it to turn green."

"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes, what do you want?"
"I’m calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob’s house.
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy!"

Guy buys some really good stuff. he comes home, rolls a good-sized joint, and starts to decide where to hide the rest of the pot in his room. "Ok I'll hide it under the table," he says to himself. So he hides it under the table. then he thinks for a minute. "Wait if the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "............." And I'll be all fucked up. Well I'll hide it under the bed." ...then he thinks for a minute... "No, wait! If the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "No." "Do you have it under the bed?" "............." "And I'd be all fucked up. Well, then I'll hide it on the bookshelf...But wait! If the cops come they'll ask me:" "Do you have any marijuana?" "No." "Do you have it under the table?" "No." "Do you have it under the bed?" "No." "Do you have it..." "OH FUCK!!! WHERE DID I HIDE IT??........"

MaltedGrapez · #10 (**permalink**) 09-01-2009, 08:09 PM

wild0thing0 ... you're signature is so true.

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#1 (permalink) 01-26-2006, 11:22 PM
just_a_girl white widow Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Bratislava, Slovakia Posts: 275	do you know the one about the stoner.. A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!" Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb? A: What? Who cares, it was too bright in here anyway... Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other i sure wish i could do that. The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.

#2 (permalink) 01-26-2006, 11:56 PM
br3ad_ <-KiNg-> Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Hamilton, Ontario 9-Oh-5 Posts: 5,357	HAHAHAH ROFLMAO! omg..those are the best stoner jokes ive heard, actually some of the only stoner ones i heard/read.. __________________ Last edited by br3ad_; 01-29-2006 at 02:31 AM.

#3 (permalink) 01-27-2006, 02:41 AM
Mango_Man0727 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 68	the last one was hilarious! the others were alright but the last one trumps them all

#4 (permalink) 01-28-2006, 09:01 AM
AndyPL Spaced Cowboy Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Quebec Posts: 1,057	Last one is the best. Good stuff, made me laugh as hell!

#6 (permalink) 08-16-2009, 06:22 PM
xxxWOLFExxx Minnesota Toker Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Suburbia, Minnesota Posts: 109 Blog Entries: 1	Re: do you know the one about the stoner.. lol. nice ones bro __________________ Just remember, it's 4:20 somewhere! Live above the influence of others Live above the ignorance of society WE ALL NEED TO COME TOGETHER AND SIGN THIS PETITION. PLEASE HELP SUPPORT THE LEGALIZATION OF MARIJUANA. http://criminaljustice.change.org/ac...lize_marijuana

#7 (permalink) 08-28-2009, 04:20 PM
Stoned Pixie Queen of Green Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Cloud Nine Posts: 80	Re: do you know the one about the stoner.. Whats the best way to get a hippy out of a tree with a joint? Wave at him __________________

#8 (permalink) 09-01-2009, 07:52 PM
MaltedGrapez so wicked high Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Red Sox Nation but STL for now Posts: 634	Re: do you know the one about the stoner.. Hilarious! "Stoner Prayer" Now I pass out into sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep Grant no other stoner take My weed and bong before I wake Keep me safely in thy sight And grant no crack head's thrill tonight And in the morning let me awake Breathing scents of wake ’n bake God protect me in my dreams and make this better than it seems Grant the time may swiftly fly When myself shall be so high In a green grass weed bed Where I long to rest my head Far away from all these scenes And the smell of bammer smoked by beans Take me back into the land Where the cops never take you out Where the weed won’t burn my throat like sand; Where the scent of chronic blows Where the good Mary Jane grows; Take me back and I’ll promise then Never to leave BC again not a joke but i found it while searching on google for random shit...i chuckled @ it... anyways... More stoner jokes! more! __________________ "It's just like you're soaring...and...you just don't want to land for anyone." You know me I smoke a blunt while I'm gettin' brain I stick a finger in her butt when I'm givin' brain. “Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a Constitutional Amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.” – Will Rogers Last edited by MaltedGrapez; 09-01-2009 at 07:55 PM.

#10 (permalink) 09-01-2009, 08:09 PM
MaltedGrapez so wicked high Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Red Sox Nation but STL for now Posts: 634	Re: do you know the one about the stoner.. wild0thing0 ... you're signature is so true. __________________ "It's just like you're soaring...and...you just don't want to land for anyone." You know me I smoke a blunt while I'm gettin' brain I stick a finger in her butt when I'm givin' brain. “Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a Constitutional Amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.” – Will Rogers

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